"Then it is explained that other Steps of the AA program can be practiced with success only when Step Three is given a determined and persistent trial. This statement may surprise newcomers who have experienced nothing but constant deflation and a growing conviction that human will is of no value whatever. They have become persuaded, and rightly so, that many problems besides alcohol will not yield to a headlong assault powered by the individual alone. But now it appears that there are certain things which only the individual can do. All by himself, and in the light of his own circumstances, he needs to develop the quality of willingness. When he acquires willingness, he is the only one who can make the decision to exert himself. Trying to do this is an act of his own will. All of the Twelve Steps requires sustained and personal exertion to conform to their principles and so, we trust, to God's will."
Is this telling me that I must give Step 3 a try.... before moving on.... as in, trying to get my will to conform to God's will? Like getting into the habit of pausing throughout the day instead of just acting, and either saying the serenity prayer, or asking God what His will is?
To be completely honest, in times past, I tried to blast through the Steps and completely overlooked this part. I would say the Third Step prayer in the morning, and then go about my day, forgetting to ask for God's help, and thus, doing MY will, STILL.
Looking forward to your ES&H on this one.
Thanks! joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
The entire program hinges on step 3, steps 1 and 2 lead up to it, and steps 4-9 (and then 10-12) show us how to "do" step 3 in my experience
whenever I have ANY "problem" somehow, somewhere, the answer lies in step 3
All of the Twelve Steps requires sustained and personal exertion to conform to their principles and so, we trust, to God's will."
It's hard to explain without writing a book (like I do so often) but there is literally no problem that step 3 isn't the solution to, now for me, turning my will and my life over to the care of God is too big a chunk for me to bite off in one go, for many reasons, not least of which is my Atheist/Agnostic leanings, but it's never NOT the answer, what steps 4-9 (10-12) are the "bite sized pieces" of step 3 I need to do in order to align my will with God's will, which happens to be whatever is happening
If it -is-, it -is- Gods will, and it's me -playing God- that causes ALL my delusions, somehow, someway, and it's my -delusions- and -attachment- to playing God that causes -all- my suffering
Here is one "bite sized piece" that has some of the answers you are looking for, although the entire answer is contained in the steps in their entirety if that makes sense, the thing is, this is not something that can be "figured out" any more then I can imagine a color I have never seen, the only way to have "the experience" is by taking "the action" and in my experience 'the action" not only includes getting through the steps myself but taking someone else through the steps, our "problem" is we are self centered to a delusional degree, so only by getting out of "self" by helping others do we recieve the rewards promised by the program
The people who's shares are all "me me me" will NEVER "get" these things, because "me me me" is just more of the same, self centered behavior, which is "the problem" -not- "the solution", so ultimately this isn't a "self help" Program because one can only recieve the benefits of this program by helping others, which is God's will
That is why you see many of us explaining why newcomers whinging about "their day" or "their problems" in meetings is inappropriate behavior in a meeting, because all that is is more of "the problem" rather then "the solution", the solution is freedom from the bondage of self, which is ONLY attained by hellping others, THIS is the program of AA, "Love and Service", because only "in service" do we get "out of self", so those "service people" you refer to in meetings are actually working the program whereas the people who just show up because they "need a meeting" really aren't truly working the program, working the program consists of "giving back"
So, for me the answer was getting through the steps and then helping others through the steps, without that experience, I couldn't really have what was promised in step 12, it was experience I had because of action not thought, I couldn't think my way to the spiritual experience, I had to act my way to the spiritual experience
It's said "Faith without works is dead" in AA, and how that was explained to me was I could "make decisions" and "pray and meditate" and "turn it over" until I was blue in the face, and the result would be nil, without the action, the action of getting through the steps and the action of helping others
Step Eleven suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works, if we have the proper attitude and work at it. It would be easy to be vague about this matter. Yet, we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions.
When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.
On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought- life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.
In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.
We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why.
If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest, minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer.
As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.
-- Edited by LinBaba on Friday 31st of December 2010 01:13:40 PM
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Hi joni, thanks for bringing up step 3. Its my favorite step. For me, the only problem I ever had with step 3, was steps 1 & 2. When I was able to look at my life and admit deep down inside that I'm powerless over the booze, that I suck at drinking and that its killing me,-part 1- AND that I suck at running my life, drunk or sober,- part 2 -, I had to come to the conlution that ONLY GOD could retore me. With those conclutions, step three was a no brainer. But step three was only a decicion. A commitment to put my life in GODS care. as the big book says "Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning,which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions ". So my turning it over was in doing steps 4 through 9. Since the first half of step 1 is the only step I can do 100%, the rest are practice, A life long exersise in alining my will with GODS will. Because as I see in step three, my bigest defect is that I PLAY GOD, ( the actor trying to be the director ). Since step ten is our maint and growth steps, step 3 is part of it and it talks about the very question you had. " It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of Gods will into all of our activities. How can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. "I like where Bill says at the end of step 11 " As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, Thy will be done "
I have to remind my self constantly that I am no longer running the show, because I am constantly, trying, trying TO RUN THE SHOW. Its my bigest defect, I try to play God, and just because I know I do it and how futile it is, does not mean that I can automaticly just stop doing it. But the willingness I have,, because of the commitment I made with GOD at step three, when things get painfull, as they always do when i run the show, I now know how to take an invintory, talk to another human being, and God, and take the actions to set thing right.
I just love step three, It was the first realisation of what was really wrong with me when I first showed up to AA. I see pg 60 to63 in the big book as the template of my life, left to my own resorses, and my way out is the rest of the program.
have a great new years, I'm going down to the club here in reno tonight and get strung out on AA and lots of coffee.
-- Edited by billyjack on Friday 31st of December 2010 01:19:14 PM
-- Edited by billyjack on Friday 31st of December 2010 01:20:57 PM
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Thanks to both of you. I have worked steps 4-9 immediately after asying the Third Step Prayer as it suggests. But I seemed to believe at the time that I would "automatically" turn my will and life over each day when I began working those subsequent Steps. Well, I didn't get into a regular routine of prayer, nor did I think much about turning anything over, or about what God's will might be for situations that would arise. I said the Third Step Prayer alright, and did Step Four thoroughly, and Five and Six.. etc...
But I don't believe in my heart that I ever really acquired the "Willingness" neccesary in Step Three. Instead of WORKING to use my will in the proper way, I "sat on my laurels" and lived each day as though I were the director. From the day after I said that Third Step Prayer, onward.
I really need to embrace what Acceptance and Turning It Over entails, according to my sponsor. That's why I am asking about Step Three, and the passage I highlighted in the 12&12.
While I don't plan on dangling about for weeks or months at Step Three, as I do want to get a thorough inventory underway and start getting "well", I don't want to gloss over what it TRULY means to become Willing, and to Make that Decision to turn my will and life (thoughts and actions) over to the care of God. I seemed to have missed the boat before, and I don't want to miss it again because this has become life or death for me.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Mood swings. I had 'em too. Don't worry about it, you're perfectly sane. They stop after a while.
I was pretty religious before I started AA (not like it kept me from being an alcoholic, har har). So step 3 was pretty easy for me. Not sure what to say. Somebody pointed out to me once that step three says we made a decision to turn our will over, not we turned our will over. Apparently he thought there was a difference. Maybe one of the more experienced members can elaborate.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
and PICKING UP A DAMNED DRINK again really REALLY sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because that drink just keeps TAKING AND TAKING AND TAKING until there is nothing left to take! That I still have my LIFE is a miracle. Kid you not. I had been around guns, bullets, knives, baseball bats, sociopaths for 2 months. I started PASSING OUT on coke I was doing so much. That I am alive is no joke, nothing short of a miracle. I developed cocaine psychosis on a few occasions. Could be in prison right now for all I know.
Wow, my creator really has rescued me from worse consequences than what I have now. I cannot stand the thought of picking up AGAIN after all this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Ultimately, Step three is asking me to trust that God cares. I can only make "the decision" referenced if I believe that to be true. So, the question for me is do I believe that is true or do I not? If not, then what do I need to do to get there? Back to Step 2?
Agree 200% with Lin Baba, the Entire Program Hinges on Step three...
Brought back a sweet memory, once when I was about 9 years sober, one of my sisters in my group decided to co-sponsor each other, in as much as just discussing the 12 X12 we met at each others house every week, Step one, we read and then discussed that step.......that took about a month, Then Step 2, repeated the process of above....also took many 6 weeks, then, now I am smiling, cause when we read the 3rd Step and the following discussion of same, and how we try always to practice this one the most, and examples of doing this, taking it back and the realizing what we had done, had to go back to what ever it was that took away (ego...ya think? haha) and how first we were humbled and surrendered once again to HIS Will......
OK I will get to what made me smile, these meetings on the Third Step, went into one year.......and she got busy selling her house....so the rest of the Step were never discussed.
Sorry sweetie, sounds like you are have a hard day, feel better I Pray.
I agree 1000 billion trillion times that my whole program is a testament to step 3. When I broke everything down, I believe it was a lack of believing FULLY in step three that I drank after 1 years worth of dedication and aggressively working an AA program. I believe when I am stuck and unsettled today for most things it is because I am not open and willing in that moment to "Thy will be done". It is the basis for everything else. This is a program of spiritual growth. I must do every little thing that helps keep me connected to HP. When I don't, I leave the door open to the gremlins of ego. Character defects flare up and poof-I find myself in misery and thinking negative thoughts.
For me, practicing step three is THE jumping off point to attempting to live Happy Joyous and Free. Not all the time, but at least with grace and a modicum of serenity.
Of course all the rest is important, the total 12 steps are a complete packaged set. However, for me I must do step one perfectly to even approach an attempt to living with principle, and steps 2 and 3 are the foundation and driving force behind every thing else.
(((((Joni)))))....Beating a dead horse often tenderizes it and it has to be tender in order to eat it. Go Mexican and eat some Machaca...the original dish was made with horse meat and soooo good.
"Made a decision...." to a person with ADD means the same thing as "got a career". Made a decision for me is thought process and the front door to then changing my behaviors. Here now comes step 4 and beyond; changing my behaviors. "God as I understand God still is accompanied by my ADD and my ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) which came with my birth certificate. Alcohol addiction was part of the blood test also. I had to learn and continue to practice making that decision. It is a now constant behavior and the consequence that comes with it a desired condition in my life. Steps 1 2 and 3 work in a back and forth and circular movement for me as I continue to practice, practice, practice or else fall into the default of trying to react to life and run my own show; without God and without any other help such as AA and Al-Anon, treatment, etc. in short order I go from warm to toast and then back to changing my decision from "self" in favor of God and other Higher Powers able and available to support me.
The last word of the first step reveals Me to Me. The last word of the second step reveals consequences from being Me without help. The third step is a choice...the "y" in the road and the place of abandonment to God.
God's will for me is to be loved and be loving. Simple. When my will matches that; balance, peace of mind and serenity replace insanity because I have a better manager in the front office with the steps and tradition banners and the slogans tacked to the wall.
My take is simple, metaphoric. They did have to draw pictures for me to understand ADD and ODD people are like that and we can and will get and stay sober also.
Jerry, I looked up ODD (oppositional Defiant Disorder) because I wondered if it was actually a real syndrome, and this is what I found:
"persistent pattern of tantrums, arguing, and angry or disruptive behaviors toward authority figures"
Well, there you have it.
As an alcoholic, not only do I not pay attention to God/God's Will/consequences and the like (ADD)..... I also throw pity parties, tantrums, argue with Life, and defy authority (God, sponsor, doctors, common sense itself).
So.... Step 3 being stated by many here as the key to lasting sobriety...
I apparently first have to SLOW DOWN in my activities (and reactivity) durign the day, so I can practice Steps 1, 2 and 3.
PAUSE... (the hardest part for me, but God has me pretty cooped up and stationary for a reason right now)......... and then:
"I can't... (Make good choices/unmanageable/Step 1) He CAN... (He can help me with a sane decision/reaction/Step 2) I'll Let HIM... (Turn it Over/His Will/Step 3).."
And so by doing these things, exert my otherwise foolish will into something more in line with God's Will (Good Orderly Direction/Common Sense.. and the like)
Tough handing the reins over... but when I look around me post-tornado right now, I'm not one that can just stand here and say, "Look Maww, ain't it grand the wind stopped blowin'?"
Hand over my will...... Hand over my will..... Hand over my will.....
Here goes....
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
ODD is a disorder of childhood. Adults do not have that. It really consists of defying parents and teachers and is another name for "bad kid" so that insurance will pay for services. ADD also does not exist any more. It is all ADHD and there is a subtype called primarily inattentive type. Also, 99 percent of adults who say they have ADHD do not...and about 80 percent of kids on ADHD meds don't really have ADHD either in my opinion. Not that I am discrediting Jerry or you here but I don't want you diagnosing yourself with problems you don't have. Also Joni, I know my knowledge of psychology has typically worked against myself personally. I caution that the more you study it...DO NOT apply it to yourself. The psychology student is just as prone to interns syndrome (studing each disorder and deciding you have it) as doctors and nurses are to it. So...this would make for a double dose for you lol.
Anyhow, I found that when I worked steps 2 and 3 I slowly "came to believe" that I could change. I started talking to God at work, in my car...whenever I had a problem (not so much formal prayer but Concious contact). When I went through steps 4, 5, 6, 7, I took a real honest look at myself and had many conversations with God as I realized how I was acting and what I might do differently. In this manner, the steps all came together very organically and now i feel I know how to work them to help solve most problems. In essense, I know how to handle some situations that used to baffle me!
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
