I've always been your classic 'binge drinker.' The life and soul of the party. And that was fine. Apart from the next day.
But now it's taking on a life of its own. I drink every night just to relax. And I say to myself it'll just be one glass but I know it wont be. I'll have another.
Then I'll feel it running through my veins like heroin... it feels fantastic. So I'll have another. And another. Before I know it I'm hiding my empties in the recycling before I get judged.
And then the next day I wake up feeling sick and ashamed; hungover. And for what? A night in on the sofa in the middle of the week? Not wanting to get up off the couch in case I fall over and everyone realises how wasted I am.
I say now that last night was the last night it would happen but I know it's not true. maybe tomorrow I'll be okay but the next night it'll be like an itch that I just have to scratch.
starman, Welcome... and keep reaching out for help. You have a chance with the realization that you have a problem. Alcoholism only leads to greater suffering and worse outcomes. I hope you find recovery and joy here and in AA. Please keep posting and let us know how you are feeling. We understand because we are/were just like you.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Yeah, you never really used the word alcoholism Starman. Your description shows all the signs. Your relationship with alcohol is not normal or healthy.
Is that something you're ready to contemplate? If so, there is a solution. Difficult but lots of people do it.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Welcome Starman! What you've described is how virtually ALL of us felt.
Bluntly put, I drank b/c I liked the effect of alcohol. Problem was, I could not guarantee my behaviour once I had that first sip of a drink. It might be a glass, it might be two bottle of wine or more, kind of like what you're describing.
The good thing is, I found AA. AA works, if you work it. If you want to quit drinking, AA will show you the way. In my case, it's also shown me a better life.
At first I drank for fun. Then I drank for fun but it gave me some problems. In then end, I drank and all it gave me was problems. Don't wait until your situation gets worse.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
you are telling my story, starman. 2 bottle a night sheila..... every night drinking after work, then when my job ended, it was in the morning, pass out, make dinner, drink more.... a horrible spiral down. i did not even want out of it. i had accepted it. my family was very pissed at me and made my drinking uncomfortable so i became a sneak drinker. what happened? God helped me the hard way. i ended up getting 2 duis a year apart and the court system told me i had to get help or go to jail. my husband was furious! he thought i could have avoided the duis and just quit. no, i was headed for death, jail, hospitalization, the funny farm. the flashing red lights, twice, is what it took for me. the utter demoralization of standing before the judge, twice, and admit i was an alcoholic and needed help. and paying out huge amounts of money.... that is what it took for me to realize i had a choice. drink or die. now my life (almost 2 years sober) is SSOOOOO much better. i did not think i could ever be happy again, or have fun without my wine. it was killing me and i could not see it. today i am happy joyous and free. i have AA friends, a sponsor, i am happy to be of service to my community (now that my jail sentence is over and my fines paid.) it takes what it takes, and i had to want sobriety more than anything else in my life for it to work for me. i had to be willing to be willing to find a higher power that could help me find the life that was waiting for me to live. hugs and prayers. sheila
Adam, Welcome! Nice to have you on the board. I've been in your shoes. Like others have said; you never have to feel this way again.
Here's some information on Alcoholism.
Our literature puts it this way: Chapt 4 BB: If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.
Chapt 3 BB: More About Alcoholism - We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed. We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking.
From my experience: your right, the diesase only gets woarse, never better. It's a progressive illness.
Our literature states: We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
The good news is there's a Solution. AA with an action oriented Program.
Keep posting and help us stay sober.
-- Edited by Mike B. on Wednesday 29th of December 2010 03:11:29 PM
I also lost control long before I knew there was supposed to be control. I drank because it was there and it owned me...mind, body, spirit and emotions until I got into recovery...honest, willing and scared to death of it continuing. A very old Chinese Poverb says...first the man takes a drink; then the drink takes a drink; then the drink takes the man. Sound like what you're talking about huh? Really want help to get it to stop (cause it's gonna take help) call the AA hotline and find out where and when we are meeting in your area and then come and get into your chair. We already have one saved for you. Keep coming back to MIP also cause there is lots of recovery experience here you can have for nothing. (((hugs)))
I also was the binge drinker and "the life and soul of the party." Only after being sober for a while will you start to hear how obnoxious you were and you will realize that you were not the life of the party, but you were that annoying drunk person that everyone is actually looking down upon because they can't handle their liqour.
I am not saying this to upset you, but I have heard from just about EVERY SINGLE alcoholic that they used to be the life of the party... You were only the life of the party to other sick alcoholics who wanted an excuse to drink like you. I hope that it scares you that putting liquor in your body causes you to feel so euphoric that it's like heroin. In many ways alcohol is more dangerous than heroin. The big book describes us having an allergy to alcohol coupled with an obsession to drink it. You are giving tribute to this right here.
I hope posting here was more than just a fleeting thing you did to feel better about your drinking in between binges. We are here for you and there is hope! Stay strong, do the next right thing, and get some help!
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
