Since you have been around AA for awhile, then you know that there are people out there to support you and help you get through this. Get out that phone list and start making calls!
You are not alone here, I am coming back from a pretty bad relapse myself. But there is hope inside that Big Book and healing in the rooms of AA.
Do you have a sponsor, and have you talked to him/her yet?
joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Thank you for replying, Joni. Yes, I have a sponsor, but I purposely avoided her yesterday. I'm afraid and.... ashamed to make any calls. Last night, through the night and this morning (I haven't been to sleep yet) I've been trying to convince myself that this is okay.
I'm ready to try to get more alcohol or try to go the alcothon. Calling my sponsor is not an option. She's out of town for the holidays. BTW, Merry Christmas and thank you again for replying.
At the Alky-thon you will find love, support, and a possible return to Sobriety should you decide to rework the steps to see what you had missed so that you had a hole you felt only liquor would fill
At The liquor store you will find booze
I ask, which path will bring you greater joy in the short and long run both? Which path will allow you to live comfortably in your own skin?
I drank after many years, and was welcomed back with open arms, the harshest judgment was my own, the only thing between me, my sobriety, and my happiness was me, my thinking, and my Pride, I stayed out long enough to have that beaten out of me, but I don't think that it was an absolute requirement
The doors are open, you know where they are, I pray you find them
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Welcome back Sam. You've been given good advice by two caring people with a lot of experience, strength and hope. I pray you take it. And we're here for you.
Welcome back, Sam. I relapsed recently too and was too afraid and ashamed to call my sponsor, but I was so glad I finally did. She was nothing but supportive and loving and came over and took me to a meeting. Afterward I felt so much better and like I could get back on track despite the firestorm of "life on life's terms" events happening around me right now. It feels so great to be waking up for my first sober Christmas with my family. You can do it, so many people have relapsed many times and your AA fellows will understand and support you. In my experience it is such a relief to be honest with them.
Also, sometimes I find it easier to talk to a stranger first before I tell my sponsor And friends. You can call your local AA hotline 24 hours a day and talk with a teleservice volunteer, they are great listeners.
Welcome Sam,glad you are still willing to reach out! Time to get back to the "solution".There is no shame in relapse,the shame is not making it back,many don't.I can only suggest you check your program for a "reservation; you may have been holding( a slighting of your program,complaceny,etc) and decide 'what you are going to do differently" this time.I will pray you find your way back .There is literature that tells us "once we have spent time in the program a relapse can be the jarring experience that brings about a more rigorous application of the program; In support and prayer.come on back and let us know how you are doing,."WE" CAN DO THIS TOGETHER,A DAY AT A TIME,guided by the God of our understanding...We will get knocked down at times,but we also can get back up.......
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Welcome Sam. For an alcoholic, drinking is not about being good or bad. Its not like getting left back in high school, although it feels like it if you have had time in AA. Your not alone in your experience. I too had six and a half years and picked up again. I didnt drink because I thought I was well. I became sick inside, and my life had become so painfull, by me, that I did what comes natural. I drank. I didnt leave AA, at least physicly. I called another brother in AA and told him I wanted to drink and complain about what was going on. that didnt work so I went to a meeting, and all I did was judge and pick everyone apart. I left that meeting and got hammerd, drinking to die. I found my self out there back in the land of the living dead. After having tasted the freedom that I got in AA, I knew I had to go back, plus there aint no where else to go.
No one scolded me, or told me I was bad. They welcomed me back with open arms. Good AA brothers and sisters do not shoot thier wounded. It was not easy dragging my sorry ass back in that room, but I knew I had to or die a living death. I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid of living a real long time out there in that land of the living dead. As I recoverd physicly, I knew I had to get busy in the steps again, and find out what really happend. what found was an equation in our book. In we agnostics, is says " lack of power was our dilemma " And in ch 5 we read in every meeting " there is one who has all power, that one is GOD " there was my problem, NO POWER NO GOD. I lost the power not because GOD took it away, I put a wedge between me and HIM. For me, I found in my invintory that I was being dishonest about something, ( A BIG SOMETHING ) and was defending it with everything I had, and I got to the place I had to pick up. I lost the power. I was asking GOD to go into a naborhood HE wont go. I'm here to tell you YOU CAN RECOVER IF YOUR WILLING TO BE HONEST. That honesty is a biggy. I hope you make it back. reaching out here is a good start. but you gotta face the fear head on in person, and I hope you do.
-- Edited by billyjack on Saturday 25th of December 2010 12:15:33 PM
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Remember the 3 Cs? We do not cause it, we cannot control it, and we do not have a cure for it.
But we do have a program of recovery, available 24-7. Anywhere, including online! No one--including sponsors--gets to be judge and jury. And when we play those roles to ourselves, usually beating ourselves up pretty good, we are really using shame and guilt as a refuge from the humbleness that is so essential to the re-taking of the steps, after a relapse.
I needed for you to come back home and share that experience with us/me so that I can stay sober one more day. I hang with relapsers to learn as much as I can for my sobriety and the maintenance of it. I've known members who had alot of time and much less than me that went back out and didn't survive it. That is the subject I need the most information and experience on. I have been taught that once I return to alcohol it will attempt to sink its hooks in me past the barb that I might not be able to withdraw it from my mind, body, spirit and emotions. That you mentioned considering the choice of a bottle or a meeting reminds me that the near choices just after the intial return to drinking are soooo important. I would also need the fellowship to directly draw me back into the program as it needs to be worked like has happened to you here. Please follow thru on the "get to your sponsor and get to a meeting" with more intent than get to the bottle.
I know that you know what to do. I will just offer a gentle reminder of E/S/H.
When I drank in recovery and wanted to get sober again I DID WHATEVER IT TOOK to stay away from another drink. When I drank in recovery and wanted to get sober again and my sponsor was unavailable I called my back-up. Do you have a back-up? When I drank in recovery and wanted to get sober again I prayed. And listened. And prayed. And listened. When I drank in recovery and wanted to get sober again I went to my homegroup and confessed. When I drank in recovery and wanted to get sober again I got back on routine.
After a couple of sober days I saw a therapist and together we took a hard look at my program and scanned it for cracks. Then we worked to weld up those cracks.
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