I read this message board religiously. Especially, in the last couple of weeks. I haven't been able to go to meetings. This is as close to AA I have been. It's helping me keep sober and I don't feel so alone in my thoughts and feelings.
Why I haven't been to a meeting?
Well, I am exercising my rights to making choices and trusting my HP. My 3 months was on December 9.
I have made some major decisions since the end of November. The biggest life changing decision was leaving my husband. I couldn't shake this feeling of always being restless, stressed and really unhappy. I thought it was because I didn't have the booze. When my head quieted down FINALLY... I started to listen and be aware of what was going on around me. I realize that my husband is a jerk to me. Yes, he is an alcoholic and a drug addict. When I quit drinking the only thing we had in common was gone.
I found that a lot things he would say to me would be border line abusive and it felt as though he was trying to push me back to drinking. When I finally confronted him about his drinking and drugging he looked me in the eye and said "This is why I hate sober people".
He has told me that "AA" has ruined his life and that it was not me talking it was the people from "AA". It's bizaar.
I knew then I had to leave. You know what I have lost everything I own. When he came into the relationship 7 years ago he had clothes and a dresser. I had the house that was furnished. The best I could do at court about 2 of my 3 kids is week on week off. I am suppose to go to the main house and he is suppose to leave. He won't let me in. Luckily, he let them come to my new apartment for that.
Sounds like a shitty situation. You know what.... It's not..... I am in a very happy place right now. I made a decision and believed that my higher power would guide me through the rest. He has.... He has taken care of me the entire time.
He has heped me find an apartment in very short notice. He has shown me the people who truly care about me and my kids and want to be sure that we have the best Christmas ever. I have witnessed true miracles and have become a true believer in my higher power.
When I start to loose faith my HP is there to remind he hasn't left. I pray for the knowledge of his will so that I know what my next decisions will be. The current court order is only temporary. I will have my children back in a sober home. I will trust that my higher power will guide me.
The greatest part is that I am making sober decisions for the first time in my life. I realize I will make mistakes. They will be sober mistakes and I can truly learn from them.
One other major decision I have made is Drugs and Alcohol will no longer be present in my home. It will not be the master in my life. I know that whenever I was abused, hurt, ignored or major chaos happened in my life in child hood and adult hood, alchohol and drugs have always been present. I even graduated to hurting and abusing myself with it.
Realizing, and knowing that God is all around me. I am now ready to take on Step 4. Leave the bullshit in the past. Time to get my ass back to an AA meeting.
I want to thank everyone here for being on the site, it gives me hope and I know that I am not alone. Thank you, and Merry Christmas.
Mele Kalikimaka back to you and great growth and post. I can hear parts of my own journey in it and it worked(s) for me. Hanging around sober people helps keep me sober...simple rule and decision. Thanks for the share and the wish. (((hugs)))
Thanks for showing me how to get through a separation clean and sober and trusting your HP. I have been separated since April 2010, and have not made the good choices you have made. But today I am again sober, with a real chance to learn to cope as you are coping. Thank you for sharing this with us and many congratulations on 90 days sober!
joni
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
It has been the mercy of my higher power, along with the steps and the people in the fellowship, (and some therapy) that has gotten me through some horrendous relationship issues. Trust does not come easy to me, but thank God it comes!
Wow, good for you. Do think about your marriage when doing step 4 and step 8, make sure you get everything resolved there or as close to it as possible. God bless.
__________________
Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
This sounds kinda similar to the way I started my journey in sobriety....minus the kids. Good going~ Just keep learning and find support in the program and you will be fine....better than fine.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Nice job! Faith and Trust amongst turmoil- priceless. Another example of God working in someone's life who has sought him. From my experience; if you continue to trust God and do the next right thing you will be just fine.
With the Grace of God and the power of AA, we can get through anything.
If I had a dollar for all the times I relapsed then I'd be a rich man by now, spiritually speaking of course. Actually...I am a rich man, thanks in part to the wonderful network of people whom I call my friends. It was because of these newfound associations that I discovered the true measure of my worth, not ones based solely on my feelings. I have never looked back since and with their continued support strive to become a better person one day at a time.
I felt hopeless too in the beginning, especially after every failed attempt to get sober. I've adopted a new philosophy about sobriety that has helped in my recovery ever since and it goes like this:
Keep hoping, keep praying, and keep believing in miracles until you become one yourself.
Dont give up on yourself...Keep focused on your sobriety...Remain close to the rooms of AA -With a group that supports you all the way- and never give up. This forum will continue to be a reminder of how precious you are, and stand together with a firm resolution to "Love you until you're able to Love yourself" once again.
~God Bless~
Miracles do happen...just wait and see.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 14th of February 2011 01:16:11 AM
-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 14th of February 2011 01:16:46 AM
-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 14th of February 2011 01:17:38 AM
-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 14th of February 2011 01:17:55 AM
-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 14th of February 2011 01:18:21 AM
-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 14th of February 2011 01:19:37 AM
