Sober. Still feeling excited and just taking it day-by-day. Sometimes, it seems like years, sometimes it seems like yesterday. It's really odd, but has anyone else noticed that once they were sober for a decent amount of time...their capacity to tolerate stress seemed to skyrocket? Things that had me running to the liquor store don't even faze me now.
Other than the one evening when I was bored about four days in...I still haven't had the desire to drink. I keep expecting it to happen. I'm sure it will. To me, expecting it to happen, and talking about expecting it to happen, and laughing about some of the monumentally stupid/asinine things I used to do when I was liquored up is like whistling in the dark.
Happy Holidays to all, and peace on earth. Love, Amy
-- Edited by AmyWillWin on Monday 20th of December 2010 10:54:53 AM
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
Amy, Nice to hear from you. I was wondering where you've been. Congratulations on 70 days. That's huge.....
My experience with stress was a little different than yours. When I sobered up, my problems really started. I've learned I suffered from a Spiritual Malady- that only a Spiritual Experience would correct. So until I went through the 12 Steps and had that Spiritual Awakening describe in the BB, I was prone to selfishness & self-centeredness which caused a lot of stress in my life. I was disconnected from the greater realty/universe and I put unrealistic expectation on myself and others and neither party could life up to them. This would cause me a great deal of stress, anxiety & depression. I was not living life on life's terms. It was all of my own doing. It's all my head knew. My thinking needed revamping and I needed a physic change.
Today; with the Grace of God and the power of AA, there much less self imposed stress in my life. Life hasn't changed but the way I view life has and that's the benefit of working this program. The promises have come true and I'm very grateful today.
Yes Amy.....I was alot like you. I had but a few times when I would crave alcohol. My tolerance sky rocketed and like you I was very much amazed. People who didnt know I was in recovery always wondered what had gone on in my life.....what had changed. Recovery just keeps getting better and better. Was talking with a woman in the program and she was telling me how the air feel crisper, and she cant believe how clear, actually visually clear these days. Each spring and fall since recovery just blows my mind on how its just, sounds crazy but different. Clearer.
Sober. Still feeling excited and just taking it day-by-day. Sometimes, it seems like years, sometimes it seems like yesterday. It's really odd, but has anyone else noticed that once they were sober for a decent amount of time...their capacity to tolerate stress seemed to skyrocket? Things that had me running to the liquor store don't even faze me now.
This one is difficult to put my finger on. Seems like I will always find something to stress about (like the car in front of me). But other stuff, I have to say "what stress?" I used to be really important at work - the world had to know how great I was, and in order for that to happen I had to be in total control of my corner of the world, make sure I got all the credit for my accomplishments and took all the blame for my failures. My only break from work was drinking, it seemed. Today I have a great job, but I tend to forget about it somewhere along the commute home every day. It's downright weird when I find myself laying awake thinking about some work problem... weird because it reminds me of when it used to be that way every night, mixed with a fog of alcohol.
I suppose some of this comes with age and maturity, but if I were still drinking I'd have only the age and not the maturity. Or twice as much age and zero maturity. But I do have to think about some of the things that were the problem of the day back then, and scratch my head thinking why I thought they were so important. And then apply that same filter to whatever is eating my lunch today. What little maturity I have is enough to keep me mostly out of trouble.
My ability to handle stress has also increased greatly. I really learned the lesson well that worry about things I can't control is fruitless. And things I do have a say in (work, family issues,etc.) I'm finding if I do the next right thing stuff usually works out, ya know. My sponsor always says "commence at a simpler level". Life can be a joy if you do that.
Though I do sometimes find myself annoyed with other drivers. More work to do with my HP...
Oh...and I'm getting married. My fiancee made it official after we'd kicked it 'round a bunch, mostly back when I was still drinking. I'll have been with him a year in March. He's absolutely wonderful, and stuck with me through some of my heaviest drinking. He doesn't drink, never has been much of a drinker. He says he always knew I would wise up and stop swallowing my own bull*hit about how it wasn't a problem...it was weird. He didn't do it with me, but he didn't bitch at me, either. We had calm, honest discussions about my drinking problem (I would instigate them). When I did it (quit and joined AA), he said "I knew you would, welcome to your new life" like he's a member of the psychic friends network and has never expressed a whit of concern that I'd go back to my old ways.
I've never had anyone, EVER, that believed in me this much. Other than my kids. It means a lot. It means the world.
I love you all. Thank you for everything you've done and for all the truth you spew and not ever once telling me what I wanted to hear. This is why I still come around and read this site nearly every day. I don't post as much--it's just not as ON MY MIND 24/7 as it was at first, but I'm still here, and I'm still fighting the good fight.
xoxox
-- Edited by AmyWillWin on Wednesday 22nd of December 2010 01:46:02 PM
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
Amy Is Awesome! Amy Makes Me Smile! Amy & Joni should meet here in the middle here in Decorah, Iowa for the next Poetry Slam and we could carpet-bomb the room with razor-wire lines, bare-knuckle rhymes and twisty-tricksy valentines!
Your soon-to-be-branded bull sounds like a great guy. I am SO very glad that you & sobriety found each other before things got fuggly. Know what ya mean about new-found patience. I still have a fuse...but it's much, much longer and harder to light. I like how easy I find it to say "meh. whatever." Most of the time.
