How To Drive Yourself Crazy in an AA Meeting
If you've been sitting in meetings lately feeling quietly irritated, I have something to tell you:

Considering all the personalities involved, the routine, the suggestion that you give back and actually participate as a part of the regular 12 Step meeting environment, well, if all you're feeling is quietly irritated then you're just not trying hard enough. You should be far past irritated and well into livid. You should be driving yourself crazy.

But that's not always easy -- after all, there's lots of examples of recovery around you. Many 12 Step rooms are filled with tolerant, patient people, willing to listen and ready to help.

So, as a service to the mildly irritated, I've put together this handy 10 Point "How To" guide for driving yourself absolutely crazy in a 12 Step meeting:

1. After attending for several weeks keep track of who shared more than once over the course of your attendance, and the next time they raise their hand to share allow yourself a barely audible "tsk" and refuse to listen to whatever they are saying -- just dwell on the fact that they're sharing again. (If they're working through something particularly painful be careful that your sympathies are not aroused. Should that start to happen begin counting how many people are in the room, and focus on how this person is taking up time someone else might have used.)

2. Begin finding ways to listen for the differences between yourself and everyone who speaks during the meeting. Focus particularly on specific details in their story ("They're from Baltimore. I hate Baltimore -- and I've never even been there -- they have nothing to say to me") and try not to listen when they talk about their feelings around their drinking, using, alanon-ing, over/under-eating, etc. Try to say "I've never done that" to yourself as many times as possible during their share.

3. As you listen to people, decide that what they're sharing should be in a different kind of 12 Step Program than whatever kind of meeting you're in. "Oh, that's not alcoholism, that's _____ " or "That's not _________ that's alcoholism." Also helpful is to judge shares as "too much like a therapy session" and decide who should take it to a therapist and who shouldn't.

4. Whenever people mention how much time in recovery they have, sort them into two categories: If they have less time than you, disregard everything that they say, no matter how insightful it may sound. If they have more time than you, take as absolute fact everything that they say, regardless of how it sounds. Work hard on this one, it's like Miracle Grow for your going crazy.

5. Another great way to grow your irritation into crazy is to stop listening to people and count things they say instead. Try counting how many times they say "ya know" or "like" ... if they're fairly well spoken, see if they have a particular gesture you can count, like running their fingers through their hair or tugging at their shirt.

6. If you share, spend the rest of the meeting listening for whether anyone says anything about what you said -- if they do, try to feel violated and mutter "cross talk" to the people around you -- if no one does, indulge yourself in feeling either rejected or judged. (Or both, if you can manage it -- wait! What am I saying! You're in 12 Step ... of course you can manage it.)

7. Do not say hello to anyone, and avoid eye contact. Then after the meeting leave quickly. When you get home call someone not in recovery and tell them how cold and clique-ish 12 Step meetings are.


8. If a speaker has a certain amount of time to speak, say 20 minutes, for example, pay close attention to the clock. Keep track of how long they talk about their "ism" and how long they talk about their recovery. Try to think in terms of "too much" and "not enough."

9. Keep track of any and all mistakes people who do service at the meeting may make. Think about how much better you might be at whatever they're doing, or at least think about how they could do it better, but do not offer to help -- just sit and think.

10. If you have a sponsor, and they're in the same meeting you are, share during the meeting, constantly checking their face for signs of either approval or judgment. Wait after the meeting for them to praise or criticize you -- feel hurt and rejected if either or neither happens.

And there you have it. If you do only a handful of these on a regular basis you're sure to eventually make yourself absolutely nuts every time you sit down in a 12 Step room. But I'll be the first one to admit that if you keep coming back it can be hard work to really put these into practice -- if that's the case, just remember, it's a "we" program -- if you really want to kick start this process, I recommend sitting in the back of the meeting where it's hard to hear, with other, like-minded individuals. Nothing helps you judge like being part of a jury!

From: Friends of Bill W Richmond Virginia