I have learned in the program to stay away from saving family members. I have a sister who i out in the madness. She will be the first to tell you the "she knows" about the program "she knows" shes and alcoholic.... and "she knows" on and on and on. She has had some big scares....She will tell you that it didnt scare her but knows its crazy. The latest being traveling from New York to Chicago. I got a phone call and she was taxing into Chicago. Still on the plane she calls me and tells me she doesnt remember getting on the plane. Nothing. Not a thing. Woke up with her seat belt on and she checked her purse and everything was there. Then she made sure she was on the right plane. We talked and I told her it would get worse. She laughed and saw the humor in it and I saw the insanity. Anyways we talked a bit more and she said she needed to get back to meeting. (u think?) Anyways being family and all my daughter who is a server was working a office party the next day and my sister was a guest. My daughter not knowing said wow Aunt D was drunk. And Aunt D was telling her about the plane. If you tell enough people your fear is lessoned I guess. But I have had reports of her continueing almost in a daily drink athon. well looking at this post no surprises here. I have text her twice to see how she is doing. She does not get back with me. Everything tells me to leave it alone and let God take care of her. Just needed to vent my friends. I want so much to call her and let her know I know but why??? Being that she is my sister I think it is to say na na na na na. Boy im childish. But I am very scared that if she doesnt listen to the signs now wow God will really get her attention and its not going to be good. It never is till they are ready right. ok im going to be still and pray!
And I will pray with you.....as I also see my 24 year old son still struggling with his Heroin addiction....We continue to guard and work our process and pray the others will become"ready" take my hand,,,,we lift them up to our Higher Power!
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
If nobody ever told me I had a drinking problem...it would have taken even longer for me to go to AA...I don't think it's always wise to say nothing. It is okay to say something out of love and concern. If that offends her, then you stop there. I would not try and 12th step her into the program, but I don't think it's wrong to share your concerns.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks Pink Chip....when she started to go to AA I told her that I would stay out of her program. She had a woman that she knew who she talked to. Went to a couple of meetings with her but only lasted 2 weeks. Hasnt been back but she says she knows she needs to. She thinks she is having to much fun still. People are talking behind her back i hear. I don't know that first hand because Im not around where she hangs out. I did tell my other sister to stop making it ok. If she acts the fool while they are out to tell her. I will be honest with her next time she gets scared and calls me.
Sober: me, brother, uncle, stepdaughter, granddaughter, ex-wife's first ex
Died of alcohilsm: father, ex-wife's mother, possibly one uncle
Died of something else but perhaps could have been one of us: three other uncles
Still drinking: ex-wife's sister, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, stepsister-in-law, step-mother-in-law
Interestingly the only people on this list I ever drank with are all on the sober list now. Nothing I did or said really had anything to do with them getting sober. However I'm very grateful that I was sober when they got sober, as it did give them someone else in the family to relate to.
Only two of those above alcoholics did I ever really try to get sober... my dad, and my stepdaughter. I don't regret the past, but I did have the experience. As a 14 year old yet to drink myself trying to convince my dad he really did have a problem, and as a newly sober 31 year old trying to convince my stepdaughter she had a problem... while her mom just wished both of us would go away I think... LOL. And that was done.....
Awww Susie, I sure do feel your concern and pain. I know it hurts , and the whole dang deal is so bothersome at times.
We want to jump in and fix and take control .. cuz We ourselves are sober now . Not that we have all the answers or are perfect. We just know a way out, we found a solution to our problem and we want so badly to share that with others . And when the 'others' are family members that we love, it makes it SO tuff.
I know because Im not only an alcoholic, Im also an Alanoner too! I was about a year sober and the below mentioned loves ones were really starting to bother me with their drinking/drugging. My Sponsor said I had to go to Alanon, that I needed it. I balked and suffered. then I started the Alanon program and my life changed.
Because I dont like to call anybody an alcoholic unless I know for fact/certain that they consider themselves one first ...
My Dad, an every day drinker, and sometimes alot. He maintains and functions rather well sometimes.. and he is pushing 80 yrs old. He mainly started drinking heavily the last 10 yrs or so. He lives in Florida. My Mom is addicted to prescription pain meds and has been for at least 35 yrs, and she will mix booze with them every now and then. she maintains, pushing 76 yrs old. She lives here in Michigan where I live.
My younger brother is a drunk, and his unmanageability shows it too. He wont get help after Ive asked him to several times. He's in denial big time. Lives in Missouri. My older brother lives in Oregon, drydrunk, pain pill addict, been to rehab, I helped him a few times by sharing with him. But far as I know he is back on the pills again. My son lives in North Dakota and is a drunkie/junkie. I made my ammends to him several years ago and he wont speak to me now, hasnt for years. Doesnt call me on mothers day, or Christmas. wont even come to visit me when he is in town. I shared with him and had a talk with him about his drinking one time after his sister said everybody was worried about him, and would I have a talk with him. I think, and hope he avoids me cuz he feels guilty, I dunno. My daughter who lives here and has MY grandchildren is a pothead for the most part. But she thinks she is an adult and responsible. yeah, whatever.
There are 6 ppl whom I love dearly, and there are days I just wanna smack the shi* out of them and tell them to grow up!!!!!!
Oh and the triangulation ... My God it can get bad from time to time . This family member calling the other family member, telling them this or that, and then calling me asking me did I know so and so said this or did that, blah blah, blah ... Its crazy, it really is.
And my older sister lives in Washington and she is normal. she can drink a glass of wine and stop! She enables my younger brother in Missouri tho, cuz she bails him out of trouble. Ive told her it aint good to do that, and I sent her Alanon booksk and have suggested meetings, dunno.
I love these ppl so much, but I cant change them. The ever powerful Serenity Prayer is so useful for me today, its unbelievable! Not to mention the Alanon program and a sponsor to share with . ( Im really sorta kinda just now getting started on the 12 steps of alanon, and not doign very well, but Im trying ). I read the daily readers, Im learning how to set boundaries and detach w/ love. Im learning how to take care of Me and not allow their sicknesses to affect me and screw my life up. Lord knows I did a bang up job on my own when I was drinking.
I pray for all of these ppl on a daily basis, its the best thing I can do for them. Not to mentioin keep myself sober , so that someday, maybe ... One of them might need me and by the Grace of God I pray Im sober to be able to help them.
Anyway, to get to the real point here Suzie, you might want to check into Alanon. I would highly suggest it, and if you would like to email me and or share, Id be happy to listen
Thank you so much Happy camper. I am from Michigan also. I come from a large family and what you described sounded familiar. Alanon im sure would be very helpful. I have another baby sister who was sober for 10 years and was big into alanon. Shes drinking again but controling it. lol I laugh everytime I say that. Anyways I accept her as is. You really have your hands full and I appreciate you taking the time to post. It has helped me alot. I will stay in contact. Thanks everyone for the post!! I will let go and let God!
Great shares on here. I'm the only alkie in the immediate family that I know of, though have suggested Al Anon for my sis, with respect to her current or is it ex-boyfriend. I basically described myself in active alcoholism and she kept saying "yep, it's like that, yep, check."
My sponsor has reminded me thought that this is a program of attraction not promotion and to avoid trying to engineering things. I can be there to make suggestions, share my ESH, take them to meetings of the respective fellowships if they want to go with me, but that's about it.
