My husband will go to AA on occasion. He comes back angry ( Maaaaaad ) He thinks it is a lot of bull sh%t because AA does the God Thing. As a recovering drunk myself, I think he is just using that and every other thing in the world to keep on drinking. He asked me to find out if all groups of AA'S do the prayer and God and all. Like he would really take it to heart if there was one somewhere. I am married to this guy and I have ten years sober. He keeps saying I didn't do it through AA. I did for years and years. I just did not apply the program to my life at the time ( times ) I went to jail in 1995 totally insane. I won't go into details, but when I came out I never drank again. I didn't say I wouldn't I just did it one day at a time, and all of a sudden it is ten years. I did apply AA to my life to do it. With this person (my husband) ranting and raving every time I did go to AA, He threatened to kill them all at least to me. He said something about AA being some kind of suckers pertaining to Jesus. I have not heard any mention of having to suck anything pertaining to Jesus being a cure all for AA'S.Any way I thought I would ask if AA has any groups anyone knows of that do not hold hands and say the Lord's Prayer. My husband is in fear of this, is all I can figure out. Because someone with that much of a grudge must be afraid. I know it would not set well with him with his 6ft. 4inch body to be frightened by a group holding hands and praying. If by chance the group said something like " KEEP COMING BACK" That would really do him in! LOL. I of course don't think he has stayed long enough to hear them say that.If he had he would probably think that was an invitation to a sex party with JESUS. He would just know he was right all the time not to go to AA. LOL
I have more time in AA than I have sobriety. I HAVE BEEN TO TREATMENT FIVE TIMES. It just didn't take for a long time.It isn't like I don't know what the answer to his questions are, it just doesn't go any where. I feel stupid even trying to answer him. I think he doesn't expect an answer any way. It is all so sad.I think he ask because he wants to argue the point. You know how it is, Lord ( did I say LORD) knows when I was drinking I didn't want answers either.
I have told him about the chapter to the Agnostic in AA. I have also heard of many different groups for many different beliefs. I say this to him ( when he is sober) He acts like he never asked me or that I have never answered him. He will say " Find out for me if there are any known AA groups without the Gods Prayer Will You? Like he doesn't do this ever time he is recovering from the night before.
Mrs Billfrog
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Susan Starr
Lost Starr 46 years
Bright Starr 10 years (5 months?) I have disabled my counting brain cells through alcohol. And a lot of other stuff LOL I am working with a handicap. 1/2 brain cell
Well Billfrog. I can identify. Thought they were all a bunch of religious fanatics. Couldnt get this spiritual thing for a long time, and didnt want to accept that all I needed to do was use the AA group as a Higher Power.
Bottom Line? I wanted to drink more than I wanted to stay sober--and used any excuse to do it.
They told me, that all I had to do was to take what I needed and leave the rest. Big ego problem had a lot to do with it all too. I knew it all--or so I thought.
Youve got the God "as WE UNDERSTAND HIM" that simple. Or--Good Orderly Direction.
I used every excuse in the book, as to why AA wasnt for me. I also went to AA to put on the goody goody show for others, and keep them off my back.
Just sounds like a lot of phoney excuses. My opinion.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Well Billfrog. I can identify. Thought they were all a bunch of religious fanatics. Couldnt get this spiritual thing for a long time, and didnt want to accept that all I needed to do was use the AA group as a Higher Power. Bottom Line? I wanted to drink more than I wanted to stay sober--and used any excuse to do it. They told me, that all I had to do was to take what I needed and leave the rest. Big ego problem had a lot to do with it all too. I knew it all--or so I thought. Youve got the God "as WE UNDERSTAND HIM" that simple. Or--Good Orderly Direction. I used every excuse in the book, as to why AA wasnt for me. I also went to AA to put on the goody goody show for others, and keep them off my back. Just sounds like a lot of phoney excuses. My opinion.
I wish this was one of my many wisdom days.LOL I really don't have any of those days since I got serious about AA. I can only draw enough wisdom for one day of sobriety. I have been resentful of my husband sometimes. The other day while he was drunk , he ask me to help him "HELP HIM" get sober. He said just tell him what to do and he would do it. Hear that? "Tell Him" That told me he was looking for a way to fail and blame someone else for it. That someone would be me!!! I have put him on my "mental" ignore list.This just may be a way for him to get out of household chores.( he doesn't work) I am not even going to "TELL HIM" TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH!
I have never "told" him or anyone else to do anything. I have always asked people to do things. I am not one to be demanding. I have no hope or expectations of him doing any different than he has. I don't always like myself for staying in this relationship. I know I am still sick but I am working on so many of my defects I won't in this lifetime be a complete well person. I only work on what I can today. Thank you for you comment. I know as well as you he is not ready.
Mr. Billfrog
AKA Susan Starr
AKA Mrs. Billfrog
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Susan Starr
Lost Starr 46 years
Bright Starr 10 years (5 months?) I have disabled my counting brain cells through alcohol. And a lot of other stuff LOL I am working with a handicap. 1/2 brain cell
Hi bullfrog. I started going to an Alanon meeting, once a week, bout 5 years ago--it took a while to kick in-but it helped me to detatch from a lot of crap, that wasnt mine--but that I could get very upset over, and get emotionally involved in.
Anyway-just thought Ide mention it. All the best to you, our freind.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Hi bullfrog. I started going to an Alanon meeting, once a week, bout 5 years ago--it took a while to kick in-but it helped me to detatch from a lot of crap, that wasnt mine--but that I could get very upset over, and get emotionally involved in. Anyway-just thought Ide mention it. All the best to you, our freind.
I tried Alonon back before I became a drunk. At the time I was about the same way with them as I was at frist in AA. They did not show me a magic potion to stop his drinking. I bad mouthed them all over the place. I think they should give me another chance. You do see that don't you ? Not me give them a chance them giving me a chance. I see so many things differently now. Thanks for reminding me of that other great 12 step program.
Mr. Billfrog
AKA Mrs. Billfrog
AKA Susan Starr
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Susan Starr
Lost Starr 46 years
Bright Starr 10 years (5 months?) I have disabled my counting brain cells through alcohol. And a lot of other stuff LOL I am working with a handicap. 1/2 brain cell
I am by no means a religious fanatic. I do believe in God. Maybe you can ask your husband if he thinks there is a..." power greater than himself".
For me my God is ...a power bigger than me ...and He gives me the strength I need. I had to reach out for God (who I forgot about for a long time) to help me with my Alcholism. Things seem to fall in order...my life changed in many different way.
Maybe your husband could consider a bullfrog to be his Higher Power....whatever it takes to help him to get sober....Who knows...it may work.
Take Care
Nancy Jo
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Life is full of ups and downs
But the faces of love will
ease the pain and suffering
from:My Mother
Nancyjo, It used to cause fights or should I say abuse from Mr. Billfrog when I tried to say anything about a higher power of any kind. I even used the scenario about " Take five big men and they throw you down. They can and will keep you down. That is a higher power of a sort. But as you know there is no use in trying to talk a " Known Higher Power" into believing anything. I just do what AA has taught me to stay sober. I also am not terribly unhappy, but I would like to be happier. I know that probably does not include Mr. Billfrog. I am like you. I use God as my Higher Power. At first I used the group, my sponsor, treatment,(for my many relapses) and well meaning friends.I used alcohol for my higher power for so many years I didn't realize it was using me! People will tell you no I don't put alcohol up there with God or children, but for me it was true. I was just tricked into not knowing it. Thanks for your thoughts. I need them for me.
Mr. Billfrog
AKA Susan Starr
AKA Mrs. Billfrog
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Susan Starr
Lost Starr 46 years
Bright Starr 10 years (5 months?) I have disabled my counting brain cells through alcohol. And a lot of other stuff LOL I am working with a handicap. 1/2 brain cell
Hey Susan.: I like to think of the "ignore list" as a "Love and detatch list" lol Was reading one of your replys from below that said "Send them a get well card" ooooo would that ever get reactions hu. lol Keep smilin!!
You can also send a sympathy card to a person suffering with a sick signific other. I have had people tell me later " thanks for the get well card/ sympathy card. But I wasn't sick. Or did someone tell you a loved one passed away!! It is to to funny. LOL
Mr.Billfrog
AKA Starr Starr
AKA Mrs. Billfrog
__________________
Susan Starr
Lost Starr 46 years
Bright Starr 10 years (5 months?) I have disabled my counting brain cells through alcohol. And a lot of other stuff LOL I am working with a handicap. 1/2 brain cell
Hey Susan, I know there are groups who do not say the Lords Prayer at the close of the meeting, some just say the Serenity Prayer again.I don't know if there are any Atheist or Agnostic 12 Step groups.
My husband came in a few years ago very drunk and said , "I've got it figured out, you need to be my sponsor." I said," I tried that for years and you didn't want any part in that, and then I went to Al-anon and got over that idea."
They have to want help, hit their bottom, just like we did. It's soooo damned hard to watch though.
I don't know of groups that don't talk about God...or higher power...or some sort of spiritual guidance in their recovery. To deny that kind of seems to defeat the whole purpose of an AA group. AA heals my physical illness, my mental obsession, and my spiritual malady. Without all three I couldn't call myself "recovered".
However, I have never felt that I must believe in a certain way or conform to a certain way of thinking. I am not a christian, so when the prayers are said I replace the words "Our Father" with my word for God. I read in one of the stories of the Big Book of a jewish man that had a bit of a problem with the Lord's Prayer, because it was a christian prayer. His sponsor told him to replace those words with words that he could pray. Problem solved.
What I tell my sponsees is waht my sponsor told me...you don't have to understand everything about God, or even believe in God in the beginning. You need only be willing to believe in the possibility of a power greater than yourself. And miracles begin to happen when we do just that.
I don't know of groups that don't talk about God...or higher power...or some sort of spiritual guidance in their recovery. To deny that kind of seems to defeat the whole purpose of an AA group. AA heals my physical illness, my mental obsession, and my spiritual malady. Without all three I couldn't call myself "recovered". However, I have never felt that I must believe in a certain way or conform to a certain way of thinking. I am not a christian, so when the prayers are said I replace the words "Our Father" with my word for God. I read in one of the stories of the Big Book of a jewish man that had a bit of a problem with the Lord's Prayer, because it was a christian prayer. His sponsor told him to replace those words with words that he could pray. Problem solved. What I tell my sponsees is waht my sponsor told me...you don't have to understand everything about God, or even believe in God in the beginning. You need only be willing to believe in the possibility of a power greater than yourself. And miracles begin to happen when we do just that. Love, cheri
Cheri, You know I think women are more open minded than men. I went into AA the way you did. Except I thought that meant God would do something to keep me from opening the fridge for another beer. I would slowwwwly open the fridge giving him a chance. LOL I would go to the beer store just waiting to have a flat tire or the car to conk out. When it didn't I took it to mean God was doing that to real drunks. God didn't think I had a problem after all. Oh! When I was ready, after loosing all. I knew he gave me AA. I just kept over looking the obvious. Thanks for reminding me. I miss ya'll when you are not around. LOL
Mr.Billfrog
AKA Susan Starr
AKA Mrs.Billfrog
__________________
Susan Starr
Lost Starr 46 years
Bright Starr 10 years (5 months?) I have disabled my counting brain cells through alcohol. And a lot of other stuff LOL I am working with a handicap. 1/2 brain cell
Hey Susan, I know there are groups who do not say the Lords Prayer at the close of the meeting, some just say the Serenity Prayer again.I don't know if there are any Atheist or Agnostic 12 Step groups. My husband came in a few years ago very drunk and said , "I've got it figured out, you need to be my sponsor." I said," I tried that for years and you didn't want any part in that, and then I went to Al-anon and got over that idea." They have to want help, hit their bottom, just like we did. It's soooo damned hard to watch though. (((Hugs)) GammyRose
Hi ya, GammyRose! When Mr. Billfrog gets drunk he Say's you are my hero. I think the man must have had a really baaaaad role model. I am my own hero around here for not having knocked Mr. Billfrog out or pushed him off of a stair when he was drunk! Just kidding. I came home from work today and he was watching TV. He said all those refugees in Houston will ruin us. Why? Because Christan's will give them all of our jobs. ( he was sober) He hasn't worked in two years. He has only called on the phone about a job two times.
I said well you didn't have a job before that happened. Ya well that was because of all the Mexicans. These are his words not mine. He is all upset about gas prices. He has only left to go to the store three blocks away all week. ( at least I know where he is) He really is very delusional. I CAN'T BUY HIM A GET WELL CARD HE KNOWS THAT TRICK!!! I talk about it here or think about it later I feel like laughing. It is very funny. I can't believe he can not see what he is doing. I see what I am doing and know I need Co Dependants 12 step program. I can only work on my caricature faults a few at a time. I have 89 known faults at this time. You should have seen me before AA.
I have tried to get him interested in AA by telling him maybe he could find a younger prettier woman there. One that had more earning power. I really tried!! I did feel guilty that I would try to but some poor woman in harms way! LOL When I leave the house I now pray a pretty rich woman will come knocking on our door and take him away What a great day dream. It would have to be someone coming to our door. Then he may not get up to answer it. Dang! I am stuck. I will just have to keep emptying the dish water when I get home myself. He runs dish water in the morning puts dishes in and leaves them in the dirty water. He will say " I am doing the dishes don't let out my water." The water smells bad and has things floating on top. When I pull the plug there is stuff yuk in the drain stopper. He had the plunger on top of the kitchen counter when I came home one day. I thought this was an isolated incidence but it seems IF he lets out the water he uses the plunger to unstop the sink every time. I just am waiting to write a comedy.
Mr.Bollfrog
AKA Susan Starr
AKA Mrs. Billfrog
__________________
Susan Starr
Lost Starr 46 years
Bright Starr 10 years (5 months?) I have disabled my counting brain cells through alcohol. And a lot of other stuff LOL I am working with a handicap. 1/2 brain cell
