How to handle new situations

Jeanne · Member

How to handle new situations

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

Jeanne wrote:
Advice is appreciated.

Get a Sponsor

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Welcome! Our program and guidelines are meant to be suggestive only..Our experience,strength and hope teach us that making meetings,getting sponsorship,sharing from our hearts ,getting in the solution,our spiritual principles of the steps,and giving back through service bring us to the written conclusion that "rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path!I would also suggest getting a sponsor.Again welcome,keep coming back,glad you found us... smile

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ferrisdp · Senior Member

Yes, a sponsor you can call during the trip at anxious moments would be ideal.

Quick share about me experience this past summer. Went to a family reunion at my folks summer house on Cape Cod. Have been going with my wife and kids to this spot for the 23 years I've been married and before that since I was a kid (since 1972). It was a big drinking spot for me (along with other calming dry goods that seemed to fit perfect there) so I was a bit anxious.

The house overlooks the bay, very peaceful, lot's of natural beauty. The only time I felt a little off was when we first got there, as I was used to cracking open the first of many at that time.

After that I just enjoyed the peace and serenity of the spot, relished in the natural beauty, enjoyed the company of family. All sober.

And, you know, that's when I finally succeeded at step 3, a step with which I was struggling (I didn't know what it meant to give my will over). It just came. I was up early one morning alone sitting on the deck with my dog and just gave it over, prayed aloud to my higher power that "I'm giving my will over to you, let me do YOUR will". I got chills, seriously. After that I was on my way.

Good luck to you.

-- Edited by ferrisdp on Wednesday 1st of December 2010 10:57:42 AM

Rainspa · Senior Member

Obvioiusly meetings, reading the big book and leaning on alcoholic friends is going to be part of my defense... but still... left to my own devices... anything can happen despite my good intentions.

anything can happen despite my good intentions.
anything can happen despite my good intentions.
anything can happen despite my good intentions.

And it probably will. This is a very good description of Alcoholism.

How to fix this?

meetings, reading the big book and leaning on alcoholic friends

Will NOT work. At least not

Meetings=Human Power
Reading Spiritual Liturature=Better (but notice it's listed in the book as something that DIDN'T get us sober.)
Leaning on AA's= Human Power

No human power will stop you from drinking. Not anyone else's and not your own.

Don't want to drink? You've got a week; loads of time to do at least the first 3 steps.

We'll be happy to help.

zzworldontheweb · Senior Member

In this day and age, I don't think drinking non-alcoholic beverages at a company function will make you stand out. In the US, many people abstain for religious or any number of reasons.

Jeanne · Member

Well, look how much can change since I posted this morning. Suddenly, the company party has become a non-issue. I learned today that my hours are being 'cut back' due to the economy and the fact that I was the last hire. Excellent. ;-( I am not taking it personally... I know they like me, I've done a good job, etc., etc... but it sucks. On the other hand... I look at how much more time I'll have to get back to my day meetings and as long as I can swing it financially for a little while this could be a huge blessing while I continue to get stronger. I'm choosing to look at this like my higher power at work doing for me what needs to be done -- opening up a lot more time that I need to focus on recovery.

I do know that I probably won't go to the holiday party because I'm not going to invest too much more of myself there if I'm on my way out. They're willing to keep me for 9 hours a week and even that sounds shaky.

Tonight, I will find a meeting. I'm calm right now and was determined to handle myself with dignity and respect - something I did NOT do when I lost my last job in this field.

But disappointment is setting in. I had a choice 2 months ago between two jobs... I couldn't decide and took this job because it was a good 'career' move, as opposed to a standard desk job in my old field. Wrong answer I guess... Coulda, shoulda, woulda... It is what it is now. I have learned SOMETHING through this and it is to be non reactive to every little thing and just accept what I can't change and look for a new opportunity. Now I just need to ensure that I don't pick up.

I do not have a sponsor. Everyone says 'get a sponsor'? I have not found that easy. I have many phone numbers but no particular sponsor. The only person who checks in on me is an old timer (male) and I know that men and women don't go together in AA so he is good for moral support from a distance but not for a sponsor... so that's my next goal. Sponsor. I hear ya loud and clear.

I am going right now to get out of my sadness about the job and reread the first three steps and give them some real serious thought. Looking forward to my step meeting with the ladies tomorrow night.

So excited that we are all restarting together and I'll get the insights of lots of women who have done these steps many times.

Jeanne

TwelveSteps · Senior Member

Go to a lot of meetings and listen to what's said, when you find someone who has what you want and seems to work a good program, talk to them after the meeting and ask if they would be willing to sponsor you. You can't get a sponsor unless you ask.

GG

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Jeanne, you have to work the program. People don't check in on you as much as you need to reach out like you are doing here. Stop worrying about being judged so much. AA is about getting help so let yourself do it. Don't fret over getting the perfect sponsor...A sponsor is a guide and you will be the one doing the work. You can always move on if it doesn't work out. If you are determined to be sober, the sponsor is a conduit. So....get a sponsor and get to work!

Dan B 76 · Veteran Member

Jeanne wrote:

That said... I still am struggling mostly with situations. I know I need to keep it in the day but there are things weighing heavily on me today and I'd like some feedback on how to prepare myself for what lies ahead next week. Obvioiusly meetings, reading the big book and leaning on alcoholic friends is going to be part of my defense... but still... left to my own devices... anything can happen despite my good intentions.

I have a challenging situation looming and getting bigger and bigger in my mind as the day drawers close.

... but for my part, drinking goes hand in hand with this vacation so it will be a new experience for me. Plus, one of my kids is not coming for the first year and I'm really sad and not happy about that... I will worry about him and feel bad that he has to stay behind. We ALL look forward to this vacation but he's in h.s. now and sports are keeping him home.

So typically, we go out to dinner every night and a martini or two goes with my dinner there. I've been able to do without drinks socially here at home fine. Most of my friends who are going know I'm not drinking but it will still be hard... I feel like I am going to be a cranky person halfway through the week... feeling sorry for myself and missing my son (i.e., using that as my excuse...). How can I make that happen? My plan is relaxation, reading, working out at the gym and spending time with my family... but then there will be those moments by the pool bar (which is usually where we are)... ugh.

Advice is appreciated.

Thank you!

Jeanne

As alcoholics we are very good at projecting how we will feel, what will happen, etc. I read much of that in your post. And we are capable of making our projections come true and then say "I knew it" or "I knew better". But it is all the same result. My first suggestion is quit projecting what will happen and how you will feel. Live in today.

From the BB beginning on the bottom of page 100. Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. What is your spiritual condition? If it is not in a good place don't go stay back with your son better to miss a vacation and remain sober than to go and perhaps loose your sobriety and not have another chance. Sounds harsh I know but remember we deal with alcohol cuning, baffeling and powerful! Without help it is too much for us. BB page 58 - 59 read the rest. If you feel to be in a good spiritual place, be honest with yourself, you can go anywhere. Instead of going to the pool where it sounds like you will feel tempted go to a meeting. Check out http://anonpress.org/phone/ there are listings for meeting all over the world. When I travel I enjoy going to meetings in new places.

If you feel you need more support PM me and I will give you my contact info.

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

pinkchip wrote:

Jeanne, you have to work the program. People don't check in on you as much as you need to reach out like you are doing here. Stop worrying about being judged so much. AA is about getting help so let yourself do it. Don't fret over getting the perfect sponsor...A sponsor is a guide and you will be the one doing the work. You can always move on if it doesn't work out. If you are determined to be sober, the sponsor is a conduit. So....get a sponsor and get to work!

Based upon my own experience, this is great advice Jeanne. I took ages to get a sponsor and it was ages of not much fun. I was looking for the perfect sponsor at the perfect time, one who ticked all of Steve's boxes and also who wouldn't reject me.

Finally, I got one, and started working the steps. I moved on from him to another guy, but the time I had with him worked and for that matter, he is still helping me.

If you're like me, once you get the sponsor, you'll look back and wonder why you didn't get one immediately.

Steve