clearer, wider, deeper more contrasted. When I found out that my blindness was in fact correctable and not inoperable I delighted in the news that the surgery was scheduled for the Thanksgiving holiday, the 24 and 25th. My wife and family didn't think that the best idea however I know from past experience how my HP signals me that I need to follow rather than lead and without objection I responded, "Let's do it". In the time period between the news and the event I slumped into days of doubt, less trust and less hope and still I have learned in recovery that the condition is temporary when I follow the steps that first brought me out of a life threatening condition in mind, body, spirit and emotions. My mind and spirit were troubled however there were members I could reach out to ask for support and feedback from their awarenesses and experience so that by the time of the surgery and just before I arrived at the cause and the solution for me and trust and hope were not an issue.
This morning at the local morning meeting (open cabana) I sat and listened and grew spiritually and in awareness as others shared their ESH. I listened and looked outside at the surrounding trees and grass and jungle which were all sparkeling with light because they were covered with gentle rain which reflected the morning sunlight. I was watching a jeweled world surrounding me while the room talked to my spirit and then I noticed that the light gentle rain, so clear in my recovering vision in both my eyes and spirit was coming "down" to the ground from above. The rain or "ua" in my culture is very spiritually metaphoric...it is what helps to feed us and make that which sus- tains us grow and it comes from Akua...God as I understand God. I watched and listened and grew and came to understand more.
I trust in the program and in the fellowship and I wasn't trusting beyond it as if God only sheltered and protected and fed me from inside AA. Because of that I silently gave up any trust I had for others beyond or outside the rooms as if my HP had no instruments for my sobriety "out there". I became fully ready to participate in the recovery in my eyesight when I accepted that my Higher Power can and does use what ever instruments that are available to Him/Her to help me gain and maintain my recovery on all levels....mind, body, spirit and emotions all at the same time. When I came to that acceptance I let go absolutely and let "them" nurture and support me and am still growing as a result.
How it is now. Humbly I have learned that taking a wider vision is best for me. I can see and become aware of much more. I have learned that I have had two blurred or blind eyesights restored. That for the left eye in my head and at the same time the eyesight of my heart...my center...my core. I was once directed by a sponsor that because the disease I have affects my mind, body, spirit and emotions that if I wasn't recovering on all of those levels all at the same time my recovery wasn't well or that I wasn't recovering at all.
When I have it down on all of those levels all at the same time my vision or eyes sight becomes unlimited. I now have to do the walk.
I came to this sight before my meeting and read Gonee's share using Dr. Bob's 4 reasons for attending to his recovery. I became grateful again for both Bob and Gonee and AA all at the same time.
Jerry, This was some extra-special writing. The words, well it was beautiful. It felt like I am hearing your living from the heart. Your expression of your surroundings, so lovely. Thank you for sharing and being here. Love, Ange
