Vent away.....thats what the board is for. Have you talked to your Dr.?? I know you will hear from people here who have had the same situation. Hang in there and stay connected.

Congrats on 75 days,a miracle ....I also agree,check with your doctor,I know you enjoy being off the meds and the serenity but we are not medical people and these are serious issues...Keep coming back here and let us know how you are doing...We are here for each other and I am sure others will be on to share their experience,strength and hope.Remember,"coming to believe"in a Power greater than yourself will also help you move toward road to restoration from the insanity not only from our alcoholism but from "life on life terms " that continually involve us..Wish you peace and serenity.............

Vent. That's what we do and you are welcome to do it, too!

Thank you for bringing this topic up. You and I are experiencing the opposite sides of the same coin. You are feeling every emotion to the Nth degree and I am feeling almost none.

We are our brains and it sucks when our brains don't want to behave, can't be trusted and seem rebellious.

"Damn me...how am I supposed to keep this show on the road if I keep messing myself up?"

Until right here, right now...I had no good answer, but now I do.

Don't trust Self...Trust God. When I'm too weak/confused/unable/misguided/blind or just plain dumb...God will lead if I agree to follow.

Patience Alicia...that's what I've got. God gave it to me.

Peace,
Rob

I think you are ahead of the game by actually realizing how much of the sickness of alcoholism is just wanting so badly to drink away obsessive thoughts. While that might not make you feel better, this awareness will lead you to develop coping skills. Each time you ride out these uncomfortable feelings without drinking, you will get instinctively better at dealing, your brain will learn how to handle things, and it will not throw you for such a loop. Right now your disease still has a pretty firm grip on you and it is working its hardest to make small losses seem big and to think that whatever you are doing to stay sober is not working when actually it is. Take a deep breath and tell yourself you are fine. Your mind wont stay racing forever. Do things to get out of yourself. Keep up with meetings, friends, exercise. Don't put yourself in a position to just be alone thinking and thinking.

Aliciababy wrote:

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I have been sober for only a short time.  75 days to be exact.  Prior to stop drinking I was also on medication to slow down my thoughts. When I quit drinking I quit the meds.   I was darn near crazy for the first 60 days as my mind raced.  When I hit the 60 day mark suddenly my mind slowed. 

It was the most peaceful I have felt in years and likely ever without the help of medication.  I have enjoyed my last couple of weeks of quiet and having one thougth at a time. 

However, this weekend I got some bad news about biological father whom I have never met in person but have talked a little on the phone and internet (usually when I was drunk).  He has lung cancer and he has 4 tumors in his brain.  When I found this out I was devestated.  Weird over a person I never met. 

Since finding this out my mind is racing again.  The same thoughts over and over again.  It's not let's go drinking thoughts althought I would be lying if I said that I haven't considered it.

My mind is driving me crazy..... I can't sleep, can't concentrate and I am not thinking straight.  I have a sponsor but she always refer me to the big book and that is the last thing I want to do right now.... Last time I talked to her she told me to write out a few pages.... It's not helping....

I just want to have that peace again... Sorry for venting.... I am hoping that this will help slow my thoughts.  Thanks...

 

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If the obsessive thoughts continue past about 3 days, and no matter what you do they don't stop, there are alternatives to consider, I have had this happen (looping thoughts over and over and over, same thoughts, always with trauma, it's PTSD in my case) and when it didn't stop I went to a therapist and then a psychriatrist, I also bought a book called

Change your Brain, Change your life

it is an incredible book, you can literally self diagnose what is happening, breakthrough stuff even though the title is silly

anyhow, in short:

God's a cool guy, he invented Doctors and stuff

Often men and women who have been diagnosed with a dual disorder say that they have received misguided advice about their diagnosis and the use of medication at other Twelve Step meetings. Some have been told that they do not have an emotional or psychiatric illness, and that they are experiencing merely self-pity or some other character defect "You don't need those pills; they'll cause you more problems" and "If you're taking pills, then you're in relapse and not really sober". Individuals who have followed such advice have experienced relapse: some have been hospitalized; some have returned to alcohol or drug use; some have attempted or even completed suicide. To say the least, it can be very confusing. Though we can not speak for other organizations, their literature makes clear that these types of statements are not the official position of A.A., N.A., or any other Twelve Step recovery groups that we are aware of.

On page 133 of the Big Book of A.A. it says in part:

"Now about health: A body badly burned by alcohol does not often recover overnight nor do twisted thinking and depression vanish in a twinkling. We are convinced that a spiritual mode of living is a most powerful health restorative. We, who have recovered from serious drinking, are miracles of mental health. But we have seen remarkable transformations in our bodies. Hardly one of our crowd now shows any dissipation. But this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitated to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies. Try to remember that though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward." Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

There is also an important piece of A.A. conference approved literature called "The A.A. Member - Medications & Other Drugs" that addresses these issues specifically plus issues of cross addiction. Some D.R.A. members carry  copies of this pamphlet with them to help educate others when this issue is brought up. Here are a few excerpts:

"...A.A. members and many of their physicians have described situations in which depressed patients have been told by A.A.s to throw away the pills, only to have depression return with all its difficulties, sometimes resulting in suicide. We have heard, too, from schizophrenics, manic depressives, epileptics, and others requiring medication that well-meaning A.A. friends often discourage them from taking prescribed medication, Unfortunately, by following a layman's advice, the sufferers find that their conditions can return with all their previous intensity..." "It becomes clear that just as it is wrong to enable or support any alcoholic to become readdicted to any drug, it's equally wrong to deprive any alcoholic of medication which can alleviate or control other disabling physical and/or emotional problems." Reprinted from The A.A. Member - Medications & Other Drugs, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

 

-- Edited by LinBaba on Wednesday 24th of November 2010 09:44:12 PM

Thanks to everyone for your responses.....

I am weathering this storm.... I am feeling better today...

I went to a meeting on Tuesday night and it was an open discussion meeting. One of the topics that was brought up was "why we need meetings" I felt like a deer caught in the headlights. I hadn't been going to as many meetings as I should have been going. I had to admit that to my home group.

I had only gone to one meeting in a week possible two in two weeks. When I was going to 3 and 4 meetings a week prior. It's so easy to get off track and that's when the obsession starts pushing. I know that my mind use to race like that before I had a drink and the booze would slow my thoughts. The meds from the doctor was to help stop me from killing myself while I was drinking. Of course, I never told my doctor what I was really up to. Someone said in a meeting - "if an alcoholic is in a room by themselves, they need to be aware that there is someone in that room trying to kill them". I know that this sounds crazy but this is exactly what it was like for me when I was drinking. When I went to those dark places they were scary.

Last night I went to my meeting even though I didn't want to go. Infact, I got into my jammies and got into bed. That is when I could hear a long time member of my group say "When you do want to go to a meeting, that is the time you get your ass in gear and go"... Yeah... I got dressed and went. The member I refered to will have 50 years of sobriety in March 2011. He must know something.

I'm glad I went because we talked about step 11. There was another member spoke about asking god for knowledge of his will. I havent' been able to figure out what to do with the situation with my dad. There was the answer. To ask god what he wanted me to do so that his will can be done and he answered.

I can't control this situation. I can ask where I can be of help. As my dad has two other daughters that I haven't met and I need to be there for them. They are 10 years younger than me. I sent them a message asking them where I can be of help. It's the right thing to do because it's what god wants. The only thing I can do is reach out for them and god will take care of the rest. Trust in him. Wow...

Sorry for babbling again. I will be going to my 3rd meeting this week. It's my big book study. I am looking forward to it. Have a great day everybody... :)