The counselors said this would happen in this, Early Recovery, but I hoped it wouldn't be a noticeable deal. Wrong. It's been 5 months since my last (1) day relapse, 7 months since I quit smoking and about oh...4 months since ripping myself free of xanax.
How long, without additional chemicals in me, will it take to stop feeling...nothing?
Hey Rob, hang in there, it just takes some time. I remember being 6 months sober and still numb wondering where my "feelings" were. I shared in a couple meetings and with my sponsor that I was going to start praying to my HP to get in touch with my feelings. All everyone keep saying is be careful what you pray for and you're right where you're supposed to be. My sponsor said that I may not be sober long enough to handle my feelings. I hadn't thought about the negative feelings, I was only wanting the positive ones, but they are a package deal. I didn't listen, and I prayed and boy did my feelings ambush me. I was all over the map emotionally for a good two weeks. So all I can say is enjoy feeling numb for as long as it takes (no news is good news lol). They'll be here soon enough, just keep picking up the tools to deal them.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 21st of November 2010 06:58:25 PM
Hey fisherman, Good to hear from you. I agree with Dean. Nothing to fret over. I mean breaking out in to bawling, standing in line at the grocery store was quite interesting to say the least. When the student is ready the teacher does appear. Guess I needed to find out crying would not kill me. Enjoy the calm. Wayne
Hey Rob, one other thing. I got a lot out of listening to music in early recovery. Positive up beat stuff as well as some with a spiritual message. It was very healing and I was able to relate to my feelings in a controlled environment (my living room) instead of the grocery store, as Toad alluded to. This is one I used to listen to back then.
I read it takes a year for the nueral net or whatever it is to grow back, so by a year from quitting Xanax your brain will physically back to "normal" but our "normal" was FUBAR so my experience was like Toads, for example watching "Alladin" consisted of me sitting in the theater with my AA friends and crying like a baby
As was pointed out, my experience was "don't worry about getting in touch with your feelings, they will be getting in touch with you soon enough" and for me it was nearly overwhelming, I felt sure I was manic depressive, and then clinically depressed, and then homocidal, then suicidal and I fell in love with alarming frequency
kind of like today, just with no tools hahahahahahaha
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
From my experience I'd start playing with that newborn child of yours and also doing the upbeat connect as Dean mentioned. It took me a very long time to get in touch with my emotions and when that happened I didn't feel like crying I felt like killing something. My AA counselor had me agree not to violate him if he ever said or did anything that caused me to feel anger and rage so then I go on to feeling sadness that anyone would need to have me agree to that. I didn't hear myself laugh until I was without alcohol and in recovery for 9 years.
Start practicing feeling the positive stuff now...fake it till you make it.
H2Odude-your post is kinda funny in an ironic sort of way----I have to take a medication (not a bad one) so I don't run around feeling too much all the time (the homicidal/suicidal deal that makes other people oh-so-uncomfortable and makes my life almost impossible to get through on a daily basis!) Like LinB sez, our "normal" brain is FUBAR anyway!
Hang on in there, it DOES get better and better, just sometimes so flaming slowly that you don't notice it yourself, someone has to tell you.
Lot's of people have been coming upto me and telling me what a scary, grumpy, snarly, stroppy so and so I was and how sh#t scared of me they was.
Now, folks know I'm just a big old softy.
But to get here I had to go through the numbness, through the over sensitivity to where I am today. Still snivel like a whipped pup at a particular song, still enjoy bellowing out inappropriate blues, still laugh me bollocks off at stuff other folks don't find funny, still get arsey when I feel hard done by - but do it all SOBER!
__________________
It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Still snivel like a whipped pup at a particular song, still enjoy bellowing out inappropriate blues, still laugh me bollocks off at stuff other folks don't find funny, still get arsey when I feel hard done by - but do it all SOBER!
I'd be laughing with you. I've found that being sober doesn't hinder my dark and obscure sense of humor.
@ Aquaman--Music is good, I've found. I went through a couple of weeks of that numb thing, but I didn't have the additional Xanax dilly-oh. I hate to think where I'd be if that were the case. Hang in there. Gnaw gently on that baby's feet. That always gives ME the warm-fuzzies, even if it's not my baby! xoxo
Amy
__________________
"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
Thanks All! I'm not as concerned as I was before, thanks to ya'll!
Gratitude: Even if happy, excited, pleasured, satisfied, stoked or other positive emotions are temporarily outside my reach, gratitude is not. Today i am grateful for EVERYTHING and that feels...good. Warm mug of coffee in my hand, windshield between me & the cold Iowa air, clean shoes, pens that work, a sale, an AA meeting and a healthy family.
My Doctor Said: That's to be expected. Don't do anything stupid. As long as your neurotransmitters are self-adjusting, let's taper you off your celexa and see what Rob-without-chemical-additives is like.
I'm curious to see who's been hiding in my head all these years.
