Aloha All...just got back from my morning home meeting and before I got out and do some business in what is a very beautiful day here I wanted to check in and read...respond if I felt supportive.
My eye surgery is coming up in 3 days and I've been having difficulties with letting go of control of the outcome. I want it to come out like some of the great miracles I've already experienced in the past from this spiritual program. As I listened to a share from one of the home group sisters this morning I can determine that my trust and hope values are low. I'm sure fear of not getting what I want is there also. I've gotten much to use to miracles "I want a guarantee"? My sister in recovery spoke about being in a spiritual condition where events she was in were turning out much better for her than for others around her. I had those experiences before so I know and could relate very easily to what happened for her. I'm happy along with her. What I'm struggling with is the difference between submission and surrender. I've been living in submission with the thought that somewhere before the surgery my eyesight will be miraculously returned...I will then have proof HP and I are in the same room and I'm of some outcome beyond human. Getting into surrender which is the trust and hope will put me into acceptance of what is rather than how it will be or how I want it to be.
I'd like to sit and listen more beyond what I heard this morning. I know what the feeling (mind, body, spirit and emotions) feels like when I'm there and I'm not there. I'm listening. Thanks in advance.
You have a sister in California, that is feeling the EXACT emotions, that struggle of submission as opposed to complete surrender, in late Dec. or very early Jan I will begin a series of Radiation, and the outcome....well, just like you just have to wait and see, there are so many things that could happen, that would make me wish I had not started them in the first place, I, just like you, have to do it and wait for the results........
So I am Praying that God will help me let go of the outcome and see it is already in HIS Hands, like every day of my life is in His Hands, personally, I dont understand how I can feel so frozen in FEAR as to future jump and want to know NOW.......have I learned nothing in this Program......say the Serenity Prayer all the time, and then like a rubber band will swing back to worry.
As I Prayer for you to find some Strong Spiritual Transference, I Pray for exactly the same Help....
That's another Prayer I say maybe a thousand times a day....
Lots and Lots and Lots of love to you.
Just like what Gonee was talking about, I Can't, HE Can, and I WILL LET HIM!
God Bless us all, each and every one. Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Sunday 21st of November 2010 05:27:08 PM
Hello, As I relate to the strong desires to have my problems have a favorable out-come for me, with all the worry and fear and back-up plans, the running through all the "what if" scenarios, the shortness of breath at times, even blurry vision. I then realize I am human and I am afraid. Afraid of losing something I have, Afraid of not getting something I want. Read that in the Book Alcoholics Anonymous. Now the real issue for me, again for me, not necessarily you, has been loss of control. My broken self constantly needed the sense of control to feel safe. Some how control and safety got connected. When troubles outside myself or actually of my own making occur, and cause fear I scramble for a way to control it. In that frame of mind and spirit I cannot grow. I stay afraid. Something about Faith in a power greater than myself comes to light. To learn the fact that I do not know for certain the long range outcome of any outcome. Favorable to me or unfavorable to me. I cannot afford to connect my spiritual state to any out come. The if I am working a good program only good things will happen to me idea for me does not hold true. That makes my higher power way to much of my" way or the highway." So I have had to learn for the sake of my sobriety and sanity to let the outcomes be outside my control and believe I will be given what need when I need it. I will be given the Grace to deal with the situation as I need it. I will make good decisions that fit the circumstances. Somehow trusting God with the outcomes has started to make practical spiritual sense. Which calms my fears. Trust Wayne
I am keeping you in my prayers for God's Will for you. I am not sure if this is appropriate or helpful but it is offered in the best possible way.
My sponsor is registered blind. I can tell you that the light that shines from her eyes, heart and soul and the joy she both feels and brings to others is immense.
She has more joy in her life than many folks who are "able to see clearly" - metaphor intended.
Aloha All...just got back from my morning home meeting and before I got out and do some business in what is a very beautiful day here I wanted to check in and read...respond if I felt supportive.
My eye surgery is coming up in 3 days and I've been having difficulties with letting go of control of the outcome. I want it to come out like some of the great miracles I've already experienced in the past from this spiritual program. As I listened to a share from one of the home group sisters this morning I can determine that my trust and hope values are low. I'm sure fear of not getting what I want is there also. I've gotten much to use to miracles "I want a guarantee"? My sister in recovery spoke about being in a spiritual condition where events she was in were turning out much better for her than for others around her. I had those experiences before so I know and could relate very easily to what happened for her. I'm happy along with her. What I'm struggling with is the difference between submission and surrender. I've been living in submission with the thought that somewhere before the surgery my eyesight will be miraculously returned...I will then have proof HP and I are in the same room and I'm of some outcome beyond human. Getting into surrender which is the trust and hope will put me into acceptance of what is rather than how it will be or how I want it to be.
I'd like to sit and listen more beyond what I heard this morning. I know what the feeling (mind, body, spirit and emotions) feels like when I'm there and I'm not there. I'm listening. Thanks in advance.
I too suffer from the affliction of "Spiritual materialism", sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously, that if I "give God his due" he'll kick down with the good stuff, like financial freedom, successful relationships, and good outcomes for my endeavours on the physical plane
That's just not the case for me though, all I ever truly get is a mind set to navigate what life gives me with serenity, not the outcome I want per se, but the dignity and serenity to handle whatever outcome it is.
In the Temple of Solomon there were twin pillars in the entrance, one was called "Law" and the other was called "Love" as these are the twin pillars of God, Law and Love, Law being like "natural Law" or even "God's Law" which is, whatever we put in to the world is what we get out of it, or as The Beatles put it, "and in the end, the love we take, is equal to the love we make"
I always liked that, Law and Love, because regardless of one's personal beliefs, I don't think one can argue with those 2 qualities, a loving God that moves with a mathematical certainty and preciseness, if I play on the freeway I will get run over by a truck, if I play with children I will laugh and feel love...simple
I forget this doesn't mean if I put love into everything, and do everything "right" I get what I want, it means I learn to love what I do get, but I find myself making deals with God, like cmon, I'm honest, forthright, etc etc kick down with some love and money, and good health, it just doesn't work that way
Since we are not allowed to pray for ourselves and our own selfish desires, since it doesn't work, I will pray for you Jerry, and a successful outcome to your operation, and a speedy recovery, and a closeness to your HP during the entire journey
Go with God
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Mahalo all for your responses and prayers...I am not very concerned with the outcome and rarely have ever been. My concern has as I can remember always been with the process. After reading and listening and reflecting I am at "I am powerless over it all and God stands with me in my powerlessness." Expectations? as I said earlier I have had some pretty stunning miracles in recovery and before...things that were not supposed to be were and were in support of my recovery. The miracle was both the outcome and the process and I was struggling with the process.
Mahalo Karen for that reality check...she is certifiably blind and fulfills the will of HP as I understand it. It is what I strive for myself. At the moment I am "out of control" and not near as fearful or concerned at before. My control is about eliminating "what ifs" and I have the blessing of an elder sponsor who has taught me that if I am to "What if"; for balance I must also "What if not?"
Again I am grateful for the support I have aways had on this journey. ((hugs))
