Mom, You are in my thoughts and prayers . You're right , he isn't there yet. My husband is soooooo drunk today. What does he have to lose, he is going to state ordered treatment for 6 to 18 months, he goes in a little over a week. Been doing this for 24 years, and I've done it sober the last 20,wouldn't drink today over anything.
I am continuing to do fine. My life is going on regardless of what my husband does.
But I wanted us to be a family.
He was sober for 15 days. Went to rehab for 1 week and had IOP scheduled. He even went back to work--hasn't worked since March. He got a call on Thurs from an out of town friend and he went out with him. He's so predictable. Missed work the next day. Never came home.
My 21 month old had a febrile seizure yesterday. My MIL was babysitting and she had to take her to the hospital. I work at the hospital and was able to be there and she is just fine now. But it was very scary. My husband was at home at the time sleeping it off--I didn't even know he was there as he was not home when I left for work. I find his behavior utterly disgusting.
When I got home with my 2 febrile children, I found him there. I asked him to leave the house.
Of course, on a Friday night with a friend in town he complied readily--suitcase in tow--never unpacked from the rehab yet.
He just called my cellphone--from a club--it's 2pm here--to ask how the children are. He has no money, no credit and no job. He hasn't been paying his bills, yet he out getting high again. This friend is paying?? Maybe because my husband spent over $20,000 in LA with this friend.
If I heard this story from a stranger I'd wonder why she kept giving the loser more chances. And yet I continue to hope for his recovery for the sake of my children. He was not like this when I married him--I feel like I have to explain that. We've been married for 15 years and this behavior has been going on for 5 months. Before that--yes, he drank too much some of the time--and yes, he disappeared for a day occasionally. Now, he's just gone all of the time.
I know he has a disease. But it's a disease that allows him to dress up and go to Atlantic City and gamble, drink and do drugs--stay out for days or weeks and be utterly irresponsible.
Wendy, I know you had a difficult path to recovery and I'm sure people were hurt along the way. I'm so happy you got there and are doing well.
I am taking care of my children and myself first--I have been but I am hurt so much by my husband's actions and choices. I am also in a serious financial bind due to his not working.
The best scenario is that he recovers and resumes his responsibilities---second best, we divorce and I never see him again--I don't think either of these will happen. He's going to be in my life forever causing chaos---I will have to deal with him because of the children.
Just wanted to tell you my heart aches for you. I have been on "both sides" of addiction. Was married to an alkie for many years before I progressed to one. It almost sounds as if our husbands are the same man.
Keep doing what you're doing, putting you and the children first. I hope you have contacted Al Anon and have someone to actually talk to who can help you through this.
My prayers continue to be with you and your children and your husband.
Love to you
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
