One of the crisis in my own life was when my relationship with my wife and kids had broken down. This was the one singular event where my recovery was tested to the extreme. I was 10 years sober and I was going to start what I call was real recovery. My wife had started a quarrel with me and I had exploded and my kids had to intervene. The kids asked my wife to divorce me. After a few days of not talking, we finally sat down together and discussed a way forward. My emotional recovery had stalled. I started with a fresh 4th step inventory. I found although I was generous in many areas, I was still selfish and self centred when it came to my wife. Thus began intensive work with my own personal recovery. I used to sit with my family and ask them to point out areas where my character needed work. I used to do the same with my colleagues and clients. It was hard in the beginning to accept the pointing out of flaws in my character, but after a while I was able to accept it and eventually came to like it. Today my critics have become my benefactors. They are able to purge me.
it happened for me at 3 years, then again maybe 10 years later, and then again, with my family just a few years after that, I remember thinking at 2 years after working the steps 3 times, going to a few Joe and Charlie seminars so I knew the book inside out, and doing a workbook called "Stage II" Recovery, I had arrived, I had evolved into a spiritual giant that knew it all
It was horrible
"More will be revealed" was exponential for me, I can't even put it into words, but I have had to build a new foundation repeatedly, because evidently foundations built on self delusion don't last, and with "more will be revealed" it seems every few years everything I believed a few years ago was completely delusional
Great Post Gonee, Thank you
Bill wrote something along the lines if we don't actively seek humility we are bludgeoned into it
This has been my experience
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Hi, Well---Well--- I need to throw my hat in the ring on this topic. The bottom fell out for me at 25 years. Everything mentioned before happened to me. I felt horror and shame when I realized how wrong I had been. As I continue to put the steps to work on this "New Frontier" I am continually amazed. It is hard to believe how deep down within my illness is, how well hidden and disguised it will be. The gentle up side has been I realize in a whole new way what this program of A.A. has to offer. The agony has started to turn into gratitude. All by itself, as I have accepted the fact that I am not as well as I thought I was. How I approach the God of my understanding and people is changing regularly. After the shock wore off some, it was a gift to become teachable again. I still fell more like a newbie than a newbie. I like this. Way easier. Wayne
So then it is really about progress as I've been taught huh? I was also taught a simple acronym for Ego...Easing God Out and when stuff starts going insane for me it is always about EGO. My then sponsor use to direct me in "If what you are doing is causing you problems...try doing the opposite then getting the opposite." So the opposite of EGO for me is OGE; Offering God Entry. Strange that I had never thought or lived in this way before recovery even though I thought I was. Great post Gonee with great responses..
