Sitting here at home, in the dark wondering, what am I suppose to be doing ?am I already doing it ? Some days it is so clear what I think my purpose is but then there are these days. I think of an old song " What's it all about Alfie". I dont think of drinking or have the urge to drink but I know I used to drink during these meloncholy moments. Just needed to get that out, didnt want to call anybody this early in the morning and nobody here that understands such things. Just wondering, again.
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The smallest of good deeds is greater than the best of intentions.
Anonymous
Good morning, I hear you, I get that way sometimes too, mostly when I think about the past, not my drinking past but in my younger days. Perhaps it's age, I don't know but I think I understand.
Perhaps it's our feelings, which I drowned for so long, returning and making us feel this way. Mostly it's good to feel again, but sometimes those feelings are hard.
My sponsor told me when we were reading the BB and working the steps to "commence at a simpler level". I try to do that and most days I'm pretty successful. It's helped me to stay sober, and hopefully will today.
Good morning William! Thank you for the honesty this morning. From my experience; yes, it's normal to feel this way. Sometimes the peace & serenity I feel seems to be in right in front of me and all around me. Sometimes; not. I also get that way with the spiritual principles of life, sometimes they come to mind so quickly and freely and sometimes it's a struggle to pull them up to my head.
The good thing is I've learned that this too shall pass. It's only temporary. The peace and serenity will return. My sponsor reminds me that if we didn't have an off day now and then, we would'nt know when we're having a good day. We forget. I understand that thinking today. The good days far out number the bad today.
What I do on days like this is pray, call someone when it's time and reflect(meditate) on the gratitude for the things God has done for me that I couldn't do for myself. I also try to get to a meeting.
I think that's just the human condition for many of us. Wondering about the purpose and direction of our life is something people have done since the beginning of time. We're so different from the other animals that there MUST be a reason for it other than just eating, sleeping, replicating and dying.
I think some people, including a lot of normals, just put it out of their minds and don't think about it. This seems crazy to me. I'd rather go through some bouts of uncertainty if it means that I have the ability to examine myself.
Heck, maybe your purpose this hour is just to let the rest of us know that we're not crazy for thinking this way. It's a helpful thing.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Thanks for your thoughts and I prayed before I wrote that post, I guess your posts were the answer to that Prayer. That's where I get most of my answers, from people in the program. It's amazing how that works.
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The smallest of good deeds is greater than the best of intentions.
Anonymous
yep, that is how it works. be honest, pray, share, keep an open mind, be willing to do and accept what is right in front of you.... and be grateful for each day (for everything, not just not having to have a drink) God bless you, William. jj/sheila
