my pride and ego. It was my decision and my choice and my responsibility so in order to get uninterrupted sleep I took a sleep aid last night. When I take this sleep aid I get to stay down/under (not Australia) longer and then slog thru the waking up swamp process as I fight to become full conscious. With monotonous regularity here it was again and I rolled (literally) out of bed at 8AM and went right into panic because I secretary my Sunday home group meeting at 8:30 and was 8 miles away and still in undies with very bad breath. My spouse was in the living room reading her program literature so why not blame her for not getting me up earlier and getting me ready.
I slipped into the hallway and into the bathroom and down the hall into the kitchen and then out the door into "her" car and slipped and slid all the way to the meeting which I got to just in time. I made sure to pack a resentment before I left the kitchen and I'm sure she read my body language just because honestly I am not superman or God and haven't learned to do that impossible thing called hiding my feelings. I had a neat, polished, shiny resentment when I got to the meeting and no banana pyuck under my slippers. I did have some residual pride and ego noise going on in my head until I told on myself in the front of the meeting. Either that or come home with a growing resentment and who knows how long a bad day. I got the feed back (almost always a guarantee) from the fellowship and the plan.
When home do the apology and amends first. Talking about the weather only keeps me in the problem and the problem always tries to keep me sick.
So first things first and then a hug with a kiss and whalla!! pyuck is gone and there are solutions to come up with and practice. People who love me are easy targets. I am such a coward because I can dart or shoot at them and they still love me...so naughty!!
I coulda sworn it looked like a banana peel. NOT!! Thanks for always being here for me. ((((hugs))))
great post, Jerry, my problems try to keep me sick, too, and sometimes it works. thanks for the reminder.... vigilance and accountability, i am in charge of what i do or don't do.... nobody really makes me do the stuff i do.... just me. hugs jj/sheila
-- Edited by jj on Monday 8th of November 2010 03:50:58 PM
Oh yeah!! sometimes I tell myself I am working spiritual principles so well that when I really go inside I see I have been "fooling myself again"! Just had a big thing at work(33 years managing a workshop for people with disabilities)My boss was stepping over my position,we didnt communicate enough, I made believe it wasn't bothering me(you know sharing!!!) and voila!! an evaluation(after 18 months that was less than stellar)I gave up and I never give up..kept saying "no resentments,Im good,i'll retire,everything but bring it to the light.My spiritual principles were in denial!!! Through God's grace,some deep reflection and lack of fear as I owned my part,knew I had to clear the air and stepped out on faith.During the 10 days I waited to approach the situation,thats when I really applied some priciples and everything is back on track.could have alleviated situation probably a year sooner,but I believe everything happens for a reason. I learned,trust in God(as I always preach,not always do,be honest,our antidote to our diseased thinking, DONT EVER GIVE UP! AND look for the lesson to be learned..Its good at times to be called to be accountable,it reenforces the process of working"even harder"...thanks for the banana peel scenario Jerry,I think I been waiting to fall on mine for awhile..Like I said elsewhere even though I am a 63 yr old man I still want to yell at you, push you down and take my ball home..I just don't do that but MY actions certainly must project it!!.Another in a road full of lessons,remaining in sobriety ,by God's grace one day at a time...........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
