For those that care, I am still alive ;) I fell off again, I have 15 days today, some legal issue, (misdeamenor) (harrasment with alcohol involved) and still have my job and just got a car but it got in a rearender (car hit my gf) (no alcohol involved) anyways thats a quick recap living back at my folks for now, I need to seriously dive into the program before I do die.. but I need to get some sleep for work tomorrow, to those that PM'd me and send me messages elsewhere sorry I didnt get back, figured Id address them all here and let you know I am alive, and doing ok for the most part.. that evil enemy tried to take me out again, with the grace of God I shall not take that first drink, one day at a time... Thanks again for all the cocerns, I love you all.. Also Gonee, or anyone that can temp sponsor me please PM me and I will check it tomorrow, I want to start the steps asap and do them complete (for once) and right.. This has been a rollercoaster (over a year now since I first tried to quit) but Im still determined.. Steve
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Glad to hear you made it back and are alive Steve.
I know I played around for 2 yrs in and out of the AA meetings. Im so thankful for finally hitting that bottom where God took away the obsession to drink.
The only evil enemy that tries to 'take me out', is Me.
I like that you are determined. Be determined. Every. Single. Day. It's just for today, right? Don't worry about tomorrow, that's what they all keep telling me. I've got juuuuuuust under a month sober...longest time since I was pregnant, and my kids are 8 and 6. Yikes. Keep coming 'round, we all wanna hear from you!
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
I read a book once that reviewed all the different ways people tried to stay sober. Of course by far the most common and reliable way discussed was participation in AA, although there were a few rare exceptions.
But the one thing that was a constant in every case is that the successfully sober people KEPT TRYING. Even after more than one relapse, repeated, serious attempts usually resulted in prolonged sobriety. So keep at it, please.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Thanks everyone..17 days today... Starting to feel better... still got the harrasment charge bugging me.(what happened was I got trashed and started yelling at her and stumbling around and she called cops and they coerced her to press the harrasment class b misdeamenor charge, i blacked out so only remember bits and pieces and what she and my parents tell me). in oregon its up to 6 months in jail and 2500$ fine however the county clerk said its rare that even people convicted of it before do jail time and even though I have a squeaky clean record its my alcoholic mind that keeps dwelling on this.. I had court last week and prosecuter told judge he wanted to work a deal with me and to call him this week and judge set a (pretrial thing) for Dec 1st and told me to show early to discuss options.. so I dunno gotta give it to my HP... I believe this was my true bottom and my HP is making sure I wont forget about it by prolonging it. My exgf wants to drop charge but prosecuter says they cant in these type of situations... My ex and I are still friends but both agree we need to slow things down and just be friends for now so I can focus on me and she can focus on her. Good thing is DHS was involved cause kids were there when I was drunk and acting a fool but after talking to them today and being honest they said they were closing the case as long as theres no future incidents. So thats one less problem just need to give the rest to God and focus on my work which has been a bit lackluster to all my stress... oh yeah finally got a new car, ended up scoring a 96 lexus for 1000 bucks but it got rearended friday and totaled so now im driving a 2010 rental and will apparantely get a check for around $3500 (total car value) so its still up and down on my rollercoaster ride of recovery :) :( Pray for me please Steve
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
One: what happened was I got trashed and started yelling at her
period
NOT: they coerced her to press the harrasment class b misdeamenor charge
Take responsibility, you got drunk, you harassed her, no crime, no charges, PERIOD, you aren't the victim here
and: ended up scoring a 96 lexus for 1000 bucks but it got rearended friday and totaled
will apparantely get a check for around $3500
Starting off your sobriety by blaming others for your actions and hustling money in a dishonest manner will lead you right back to the bottle.
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Man up and start telling the truth even if it's only to yourself, or in only in your own mind and here with us and your chances are average
which is one in twenty
Don't and your chances are nil
With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Today, The Choice is yours whether or not to work a REAL Program, with REAL honesty, do that and you got a chance, don't and it's back to the wash cycle, stop hustling yourself and trying to hustle others, you are in a room with people who got PHD's in alcoholic BS, leave it at the door and you might stay sober, which personally I would like to see
-- Edited by LinBaba on Wednesday 10th of November 2010 02:18:13 AM
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Wow, Steve, sounds like you're going to slip away without any consequences. While reading this I was hoping that the Judge was going to require you to attend meetings and put you on probation for a year (or more) with back up time. It would light a fire under your @$$ to put working a recovery program ahead of making lots of money and chasing girls (literally). I liked what ZZworld wrote about successfully recovering alcoholics generally kept on trying, after relapsing, and upped their commitment and effort in each successful try. That's exactly what happened with me. I'm hoping that you'll get fed up with the dumb ****. Most people tend to "get it" when they approach the age of 30. If it doesn't happen then, they usually go another 10 years. for your sake I hope it's sooner. One last comment. Your troubles seem to revolve around relationships. You've admitted to this previously (when you started your 90/90 thread) but you jumped into another relationship soon after that and, predictably, we saw less of less of you. I can relate to this and my codependent issues kept me from getting sober for a couple or years while going to AA semi-regularly. Luckily I stumbled into a Coda meeting at my AA club, thinking that it was an AA meeting. That changed my life and I truly believe that I'm sober today because I got enough help with those Coda issues to be able to stay out of relationships long enough (3.5 years) to get and stay sober. You might want to look into that.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 10th of November 2010 07:53:56 PM
It sounds like you are so used to drama and chaos that you don't know how to live any other way. I'm not praying for your situation at all. I am praying that you learn to embrace the program and do what it takes to stay sober above all else.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
You are all right, the consequences are all from my actions, of my drinking. All I can do is focus everyday on trying to be a better person and start working the program the best I can. I have 21 days today :) Life is so much better when I'm sober, I honestly don't know why I ever even think of taking that first drink. Glad to see your back AGO, missed ya a while ago when you left. StPete- I think theres some CODA meetings not too far from me, I will check them out, I believe this is one of my major issues also. At least I'm sane for the time being.
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
re I honestly don't know why I ever even think of taking that first drink.
*smiling* it's cos just like me - you are an alcoholic! When I went through a hellish last weekend due to details I won't go into here again, my first thought was a bottle of brandy.....and that's after 9 years sober a day at a time.
Luckily I keep a beginners mind and never take my sobriety forgranted. I was unable to maintain a fit spiritual condition that weekend and so placed myself in the care of other AAs, my sponsor and medical professionals. But my first thought was alcohol to deaden the pain and insanity.
(((HUGS))) to you. I know you can do this. You can.
Hey Steve, we all want the best for you and will do anything we can for your sobriety. Just put your sobriety first and your life will fall into place accordingly around sober lifestyle. It's amazing how easy it is once we surrendered to this new way of life. You got plenty of time to make money and find a special someone after you take some time off to get sober.
