Don't write off a bunch of people based on the actions of a few. That is where it becomes more about your baggage than about reality. People deserve the benefit of the doubt. I hear people say they don't have sponsors a lot because it's hard for them to trust others. I don't understand why folks want to keep their trust issues and they covet that problem like they don't want to change it. Keep reaching out...there are millions of women in AA.

I sponsored myself for awhile, it was GREAT

I was always easy to get ahold of and I always agreed with all my ideas!!!

When I thought it was a good idea to sleep with someone my sponsor felt the same way, when I thought it was a good idea to go into business with my alcoholic mother my sponsor was right there for me, cheering me on telling me what a great idea that was

My sponsor always agreed with me about who needed to be flipped off on the freeway

and then there was that time I told my sponsor I thought drinking was a good idea, and he agreed with me, and even reached in my pocket and pulled out the money to buy the drink and then he put it to my lips

and then of course there was the small matter of a trail of broken relationships (personal, professional, and romantic)

I have seen women work the steps with an OLD guy, but truthfully, in my opinion, their sobriety ...ummm....well they don't drink and is by far the kindest thing I can say about them

I think in many cases we pick sponsors with the same mind we use to pick mates, in other words ..... it's possible our judgment is faulty at best

What I have heard from innumerable people over the years is they picked the old timer they hated the most, asked them to sponsor them, and it's been a few years and now they love them and their life completely changed, personally I would be part of a support group for a woman, because I am, with many, but I would never sponsor a woman, I would be doing her a hideous and horrible disservice if there were women available

There are many many sober, healthy and happy women in AA, if I can find them, and I have, i think it would be possible for others to find them as well

Aloha Tokengirl...I also suggest you give it patience and keep looking and reaching
out.  Here on the Big Island watching the women work with each other is an amazing
event and I am always inspired to see it.   When they talk inside the group I listen
to get a grip of where their focus is at and most often it is on the principles of the
program and the practice of values of recovery.  They are truely amazing and an
example to the rest of us.   Keep on keeping on.   The definition of humility for
me is being teachable and that is what I need.   ((((hugs))))

For me having a sponsor has been a wonderful thing. I had those trust issues and thank god I put it aside with my sponsor. I chose the person who had what I wanted for myself. It had nothing to do with judgement based on appearance. Side by side going by looks, my sponsor and I are polar opposites.

I think everyone here has made different and equally valid points. Because having a sponsor has been such a great way to have help navigating the program for me, not to mention fulfilling a lifelong cherished desire for mentorship, I have to encourage others to try to be willing. You seem to want something or would not have posted, right?

I wasn't sure if I related to my sponsor the way I was used to, like with friends, but my sponsor had an air of serenity and peace about her. I saw that immediately. She also seemed to know things by the books and that sat well with me right off. Others might see her as needle-nosed, I saw her experience and knowledge as a huge bonus. (I have come to find that the answers are in the literature, my sponsor knows the books inside and out, therefore my sponsor has a good point on just about everything. Result-I get to learn a lot!) Despite all that, I had no real idea what the relationship was and if it was working until I was immersed in it. Thinking back I felt good about her commitment to the program. This means that in the beginning, I thought it was weird that every conversation and every point always was program related, ALWAYS. Now I am grateful for that focus and to have a sponsor that is so active in AA.

I have since developed my female fellowship and do connect with others I could have picked for a sponsor back then. Sometimes I've found a few that want to get together and have conversations that stay stuck in negativity and problems. I am thinking of one person in particular , who although she has 14 years of continuous sobriety, always complains in meetings and person how sponsors will let her go after awhile. I don't really know because that is between them. I know that the people who let her go wouldn't have done it with out good reason. For me, when I get stuck, I find it best to look at what I can change or do differently.

I think asking others here for suggestion is one way of looking for solution. I have found that when I strive for openness and remain willing the answers come. I find prayer helpful.

I really hope this helps and keep posting here for sure. Perhaps JJ can help. PM me if you want, I'll do my best to make suggestions based on my understanding. I do think it's important to have a same sex sponsor if possible.

Thank you this writing reminded me that I have not followed a recent sponsor suggestion, and need to get on it now-walk the talk.

XXOO-Angela

Hmmm .. Tokengirl, sounds very much like a resentment to me.

I would highly suggest asking God for some help in this situation ... like some patience, understanding, tolerance and for Him to put the right person in your path.

I've been sober 16 months and I really don't have a sponsor yet either. Just haven't clicked with anyone or gotten the impression that anybody was open to the idea. I feel pretty good, no temptations or relapsing, but that's just me.

My understanding of a sponsor's role is to help one get grounded in AA and walk us through the 12 steps, but that's not what I hear when people give individual accounts of the benefits of sponsorship. Mostly what I hear is how great it is to have this wise, close personal friend to talk to every day, and how person X would be dead or in the gutter without their sponsor doing Y or Z for them at 3 AM. That just doesn't appeal to me that much, nor have I really met anybody that I really want that kind of relationship with.

I do have a pretty strong marriage to an RN who's a non-drinker, and I'm pretty (for want of a better word) religious, so there's quite a bit of accountability there, so maybe that's helped me eke by without a sponsor so far. I'm still open to the idea, it just hasn't happened yet.