I haven't gone to a meeting in two weeks. I haven't drank, and other than that first weekend when I had an attack of the boreds, I haven't even thought about it other than in a fleeting way, and to be glad that it's not a part of my life anymore.
What started me on this road was a series of really bad situations. Three deaths in the family, all of them people I was very close to who were instrumental in me having a decent childhood instead of one wholly in the drunk and drug-fuelled frenzy that was my parent's young adulthoods. A heartbreaking divorce. The decline of my ex-husband into his own drug and alcohol and mental health problems were hard to watch, and I couldn't forgive myself for a long time for "abandoning" him. It's been five years, and I'm finally at peace with all of it.
When I found myself to be truly at peace and happy and I STILL wanted to drink-that's when I decided I was done on my own and went that night to my first AA meeting.
Don't misunderstand me, I dug the meetings. I felt comfortable there, I loved everybody. If it wasn't 15 minutes away, I'd still probably go at least once a week, and I will probably go back. The thing is, it takes two hours out of my evenings when I go, and now that I'm almost a month sober, the only thing I want to do is enjoy time with my family after work. Talk to my kids, make dinner, read a book on the couch next to my daugher reading hers, watch a movie with my boyfriend, even do laundry.
Since I'm not wasting time drinking and sitting on the computer (which is what I always used to do) I have been enjoying all the little things I was missing. I know I'm young, and I know I've tried to "stop" before on my own--but I was never really trying to stop. I was trying to control it. When I finally came to my own mental conclusion that I couldn't successfully control it, I just quit. Now I'm sober, back on my low fat-low carb diet (no booze this time, I'll probably waste away to nothing), reading obsessively, making plans and living life. Moving ahead.
My point is...does everyone have to go to meetings? It's almost like a switch was flipped in my brain. I'm hesitant and skeptical. Trust me, I am. I keep expecting to start wanting the booze like a junkie wants some horse. I expect the completely negative association with alcohol that makes me actually shiver with disgust every time I think about going back to where I was to vanish, and for this to become difficult.
I still visit this website daily, and read the new posts and comments. I have looked into finding a meeting closer to home, but have yet to have any luck, and I gotta admit, life's kept me busy. I haven't really been worrying about it. I sleep like a baby. I actually fall asleep within 10 minutes of closing my eyes, and that is something that has been unheard of for me for YEARS. I always thought I was a "slow-sleeper" but I am convinced my regular consumption of alcohol was to blame the whole time. I don't have a problem shutting my brain off hardly ever anymore. I just...I just feel almost superhumanly better.
When's this going to fade? What is happening to me? I've always been a really independent, driven, decisive, type-"A" (without too much of the "a**hole" portion of A) person. I'm so damn self-confident right now I can barely fit my head through the door to my office.
Don't let it go away, this feeling has got to stay. It's like sobriety is a new lover and I keep expecting him to say or do something that's going to turn me off, and instead "he" just...keeps...getting better.
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
All I can say is alcholism is a disease that keeps telling you, you don't have a disease. This alcoholic soon forgets why she is feeling so good. Trick myself into saying geeze i have quit for this long whats the harm in one drink. One month is but a speck on the road to sobriety in my opinion. Dont get me wrong. Im very happy that your happy and one month is awesome! One or two hours a week is a very small price to pay to keep your disease at bay. I am close to 3 years sober and I am just beginning to learn about living a sober life. Not to mention your part of going to meetings helps the next person who comes in. I feel its my responsiblitly to share and help the other people in the fellowship. Thats just me. I enjoy reading your post and wish you all the luck and happiness you deserve!.
I know the meetings are important, and I love to help others. I need to find a closer one that I like, or change my nights to the two a week I don't have my kids. The only problem with that so far is one of those days is the only one all week when my clubhouse is closed all day.
I too feel that this is the disease telling me "you don't have to go" like it's going to lull me into a false sense of superiority. Wily trickster. I'm horrifyingly self-aware, which helps and hurts me at times.
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
I know the meetings are important, and I love to help others. I need to find a closer one that I like, or change my nights to the two a week I don't have my kids. The only problem with that so far is one of those days is the only one all week when my clubhouse is closed all day.
I too feel that this is the disease telling me "you don't have to go" like it's going to lull me into a false sense of superiority. Wily trickster. I'm horrifyingly self-aware, which helps and hurts me at times.
I know many who have quit drinking without utilizing the program and the steps
Most returned to drinking eventually, not all but well over 50%
Out of the ones that remained sober, most became stunted emotionally, and the longer they didn't drink, the unhappier they got and the unhappier they made those around them, we don't have a "drinking problem" we have a "living problem" and drinking is but a symptom
I think I remember 3 off the top of my head that quit drinking without utilizing the program that grew to be happy healthy people, this is out of hundreds, the others I can't stand to be around, they have the emotional development of 3 year olds and they are like a concentrate, a little goes a long way and within hours I think someone should buy this person a drink, i mean literally hold this idiot down and force alcohol down their throat, the only other alternative is murder, which frankly sounds pretty good lol
I know many many people who come to AA after anywhere from 2 years to 10 years of sobriety because they realize they are barking mad and can't live like this any more.
The thing about alcoholic insanity is we don't realize we have it, consider, air itself exerts pressure on our skin from the moment we are born, but we consider it "normal" so we go through our entire lives not even knowing it's there, the same is true of the underlying fear and insanity and unhappiness of the alcoholic mind, we don't even realize it's there, consider, when you took that first drink after a stressful day do you remember how your whole body let out a HUGE sigh of relief and you felt it all the way down to the tips of your fingers and you made "that noise", that "aaaah" of relief, that is freedom from self, that is why we drank is to stop that Fing noise in our head, to let off that pressure, alcohol wasn't "the problem" alcohol was "the solution" and we only end up getting sober when the answer becomes the problem.
So it's entirely up to you, but it is absolutely playing with Fire, and if you go insane, or already are insane, you won't know, because it's your thinker that is skewed and it will tell you that you are fine, even if you live a life where homicide and suicide seem to be viable options, and the thing is it happens slowly, like the frog in the boiling water slowly, if the water heats up slowly the frog won't jump out because it can't tell anything is wrong, it will stay in that water until it gets boiled alive
That is what alcoholic thinking is like, so it's up to you, just remember, by definition you are unable to be objective about yourself, as Einstein said "You can't fix what is broken with the same thinking that caused it to be broken in the first place"
So whatever you decide, and it is your decision, be aware we are here when you decide you ever need help, AA isn't for people who need it, AA is for people who want it and are willing to go to any lengths, or it just doesn't work. Many of us tried to do it "our way" and had periods of sobriety in our drinking careers. Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I'm happy for you too. Personally I need the entire program (meetings, sponsor, steps, giving back -- that's the program), but, hey, it's not for everyone and not everyone who gets sober uses the program. I just know it's worked for me just for today and hopefully tomorrow. I also know that ego can be dangerous to an alcoholic. Good luck to you!
Amy, it is your sobriety, your life, and your decision. How badly do you want to stay sober? How badly do you want to have this new life with your family? a desire to quit drinking is admittance into AA, but willing to do "whatever it takes" to stay sober is what it takes. it is your path and your decision to decide what "whatever it takes" is for you. Following the suggestions of those who have travelled this path ahead of you is a good idea. have you heard "this is a we program?" we cannot do it alone? go to a meeting twice a week, or more, because it helps keep me sober and to learn to put the principles to work in my daily life. stopping drinking is a beginning, the real work lays ahead. spiritual growth.... this is a spiritual program to heal all the hurts we have done ourselves and others. the deep down reason we tried to drink ouselves to death... an early morning meeting will keep your evening free, a lunch meeting can also keep your evening free. seek and ye shall find. love you jj/sheila
-- Edited by jj on Friday 5th of November 2010 01:20:19 PM
I totally, fully, and completely know I am an alcoholic. Lord knows I have enough experience with them. I know I can't drink. I know I don't want to live that way, the only way to live is NOT to drink, because drinking was ruining me.
Still, I re-read the post I wrote above and it just screams to me "you are trying to convince yourself that you are different, special, you don't need the meetings like other people".
Then I remember a line from Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club: "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all a part of the same compost pile." Perhaps a little dark, but Chuck usually is, along with being funny as hell and usually spot-on. I love the term "barking mad" because I can RELATE to it.
I need to find meetings closer to home, or to change my routine in some way. Maybe I don't need to go to 30 meetings in 30 days, maybe not NOW, but maybe I will in a month or even a year or two years from now. I'm sober today, and I've been sober the last 3+ weeks, so right now I'm happy and positive with myself and I'm going to enjoy that feeling while it lasts and enjoy my sense of freedom while it lasts and deal with it appropriately when and if it fades. I want to make it clear that even while I have been so busy the last couple of weeks that I haven't gone to a meeting (and I haven't FREAKED out or struggled over it...yet), I know I need to go back, and I will.
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
"You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all a part of the same compost pile."
Love Fight Club, and frankly the philosophy contained therein is part of my Sobriety as well
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Hi Amy(((hugs)))Complacency is the enemy of those with any kind of sober time,especially substantial, sober time.If we are complacent for too long the recovery process then ceases..For people like us,the alcohol is deadly but so are the character defects and shortcomings that are also a third of the problem(physical,mental and spiritual.).Yes we have a disease that tells us we don't have a disease.Don't forget one of the best things we do for ourselves and others is to give back to the still sick and suffering by service,sponsorship and working in the solution(step work that can mirror your faith beliefs or just move you to a better way to live as a human)This I truly believe!!I personally got sober and worked process for a few years and then self sponsored for nearly the next 20 some odd years,still with uninterrupted clean time but slowly being eaten like a cancer inside with all the other parts of our disease.I dig deeper now ,more than ever,coming up to 26 years free from active addiction(only thru the God of my understandings grace and mercy) but still always knowing I could be just "one bad decision away from reinstituting my pain,all over again.I remain diligent and stay close to my support group and sponsor and what I was so freely given,and try to give back in all areas of my life..I am an arrested alcoholic but I also am aware that this disease is cunning ,baffling and insidious(lurking,deceptive,overcoming before we become aware etc)We all have to find what works for us and what doesn't AND OUR PROCESS IS OUR OWN.Just for today I know this alcoholic continues to seek the will of his Higher Power,trys to be all God has intended him to be and continues to reach out to those who need a helping hand.....Some days are definitely better than others but sober and doing the "work" I live a life better than any I have ever known...Glad your here sharing your ESH, we really do this together,keep coming back,the message is hope!!!!!
-- Edited by mikef on Friday 5th of November 2010 03:15:01 PM
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Interesting post Amy. Firstly let me congratulate you on 30 days...that's great. I can relate to enjoying a sober life, doing things I never did before. It's like we've been given a chance to restart our lives. I'm sure you kids and bf enjoy having you around and being sober. So, do you want to keep it that way? If so, I strongly urge you go back to meetings, find a sponsor, and start working the steps. LB is right, AA isn't the only way, but it's the only way that worked for me. AA also gives me a program to help me learn how to live life as an alcoholic. The BB talks about the easier, softer way, and it sounds to me like you may be searching for it. Not going to meetings because they're 15 minutes away? I drive 30 minutes one way to my home group 3 times a week, and even further than that on weekends. Did you spend more than 2 hours a night drunk? Maybe 2 hours spent at meetings is time well spent to help you maintain your sobriety. I'm not getting on you here, but it sounds to me like your disease is really trying to convince you that you don't need the fellowship. Working a good program makes you feel "indifferent" to alcohol. I don't hate it, and I have no desire for it, it just is. It's really your choice, but are you really willing to chance it?
K.....
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
K- That's the weird thing...I don't hate alcohol. I already am indifferent to it. I used to think that if I quit drinking I wouldn't be able to tolerate even being around it, but I live in a close-knit cul-de-sack and frequently stop to BS with my neighbors who are outside drinking a couple beers by the chimnea-fire and I was oddly enough not bothered by the beers in their hands or on their breath. They can drink, I just don't have any desire. I am not saying I hung out with them for HOURS, but in a blue-collar community references to drinking (I work in the construction industry!) and drinking in general is not only acceptable, it's a way of life. It's just not for me any more. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy their company, I still have fun hanging out for a while and chewing the fat, but I don't need the beer to do that anymore.
I dunno. I don't think I'm looking for any "soft" way of doing anything. I'm just choosing to spend more time with the people I love now that I'm not drinking. They missed the real me. I did too. If it doesn't work, then it won't, and I'll go to more meetings. Everybody's got what works for them, and right now this seems to be working for me. :)
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
Amy, I'm not sure how long that you've been sober, guessing a month? Making it to a year is crucial and most of the people on this board or in meetings that you'll meet that have a year or more attended 90 meetings in 90 days. It didn't work for me until I did that (and of course worked the steps with a sponsor). I didn't miss a daily meeting for the first 3.5 years. That's how badly I wanted to stay sober. It's as important as breathing or eating. When you get that mindset, you'll make it your first priority, before your kids, friends, family.... because if you are drinking you're going to lose all of them and your stuff too eventually. Think about the homeless people that you see on the street. Most of them are alcoholics and a lot of them have lost all including a good portion of their mental health and from time to time their fredom. When your drinking makes you unemployable what's the next stop? I used to play game called "How little work can I do for my sobriety". Ever heard of it? lol
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 5th of November 2010 05:44:50 PM
I relapsed after my 1st month in AA. I needed the recovery program so desperately but my cunning mind convinced me otherwise. On my re-entry 4 months later I got right on with the steps of recovery. My sponsor had 6months more sobriety than me. AA in my area was very new. We all just hung on to one another for support. There were no oldtimers to guide us.
Now everybody is an authority on the steps. Many of them have relapsed including my sponsor. I just did what was suggested by the AA book and made a lot of meetings. Just like Dean I did not miss a daily meeting for the 1st 3-4 years. I was desperate then. I am grateful today. That is why I still go to the meetings.
Meetings dont keep me sober. Nor do the ppl at the meetings keep me sober ... they dont have that power. But there is One who has all power, that One is God.
I really truely hope and pray that I never become so self confident that my head wont fit thru a door, cuz if that happens, Im most likely very close to picking up a drink.
The program of AA teaches me to be God confident and God conscious. When I rely on me, and me alone , I fail.
Well maybe you're not an alkie? Maybe you are one of those who can turn around and 'drink like a gentleman' Maybe it's better to be in the meeting, working the programme, pretending to be an alkie, than be out there drinking, pretending you're not.
If it works for you and you get what you want and need follwoing your path then great, I'm happy for you. But if down the road a piece, you decide that actually, you want the programme, then come on in, the door's open and the lights are on.
Reminds me of a friiend who shares that he came to AA for two weeks, decided he was cured and spent two years living without a programme, gradually getting crazier by the day. He came back, still dry, worked the programme and is sober for years now and I'm privelidged to call him a friend.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I'm just a newbie on this site, but I found your post really interesting and hope you dont mind me commenting. I have been an alkie for the best part of 30 years. I have been 7 months sober and for the first 5 months I thought I could do it alone. I stopped drinking because I went DUI and realised I could have killed myself or worse still some other innocent person. This was a huge wake up call for me and after spending time in the back of a paddy wagon and at the police station I thought I had hit rock bottom. How wrong I was!!!! After 5 months of white-knuckling not drinking I got to a point where I knew I would drink again if I didnt get help. I was absolutely terrified coz I knew that if I picked up another drink I would spiral downward worse than ever before. I was in a blind panic at the prospect of getting drunk again. This was my rock bottom. I had to choose admitting that I was powerless and getting help or drinking and dying of alcohol related disease. I picked up the phone and called AA. I attend meetings once a week because I do not have a drivers licence and my nearest meeting is 40kms away. I have to stay the night at a friend's to attend after catching a bus several hours before to get there. I have to get my days off work arranged on a weekly basis to attend as well. Im no hero doing this - its just that I know that if I want to stay sober I have to get to meetings. I think the Big Book says something like "We stood at the turning point. Half measures availed us nothing". I am truly desperate to get well and am just about to get a sponsor and start the steps. I get my licence back in 2 weeks (yay) so will be able to attend more meetings then. I guess I would just like to wish you all the luck in the world with your recovery and encourage you to go to meetings if you possibly can. Take it easy, one day at a time, don't pick up the first drink and God Bless you hon.
Well maybe you're not an alkie? Maybe you are one of those who can turn around and 'drink like a gentleman' Maybe it's better to be in the meeting, working the programme, pretending to be an alkie, than be out there drinking, pretending you're not.
If it works for you and you get what you want and need follwoing your path then great, I'm happy for you. But if down the road a piece, you decide that actually, you want the programme, then come on in, the door's open and the lights are on.
Well put Bill, and very true.
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
Aloha Amy...Your post reminded me of parts of what I use to do when I first got "near" AA especially the "thinking" parts. I was told to not do two things from early on...don't drink and don't think...use the program's head to do my thinking. That was confusing even when I knew what they were telling me...my thinker didn't work from very good reasons. I wasn't convinced I was alcoholic either but I kept coming back and listening and reading and researching not so that I could become a member of AA but so I could understand how my life was being threatened with solid help from myself and the liquor industry.
I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know so I had to stop and listen, watch, learn and practice. I have been asked to leave some AA (closed) meetings during the search period because I would not identify as alcoholic at that time and that was all part of the lesson. What helped me was looking for the similarities in my life while listening to other alcoholics rather than differences. I am alcoholic and today that is no longer up for review and discussion. The solutions for me are in the rooms.
I know I'm young, and I know I've tried to "stop" before on my own--but I was never really trying to stop. I was trying to control it. When I finally came to my own mental conclusion that I couldn't successfully control it, I just quit.
My point is...does everyone have to go to meetings? It's almost like a switch was flipped in my brain. I'm hesitant and skeptical. Trust me, I am. I keep expecting to start wanting the booze like a junkie wants some horse. I expect the completely negative association with alcohol that makes me actually shiver with disgust every time I think about going back to where I was to vanish, and for this to become difficult.
When's this going to fade? What is happening to me? I've always been a really independent, driven, decisive, type-"A" (without too much of the "a**hole" portion of A) person. I'm so damn self-confident right now I can barely fit my head through the door to my office.
Don't let it go away, this feeling has got to stay. It's like sobriety is a new lover and I keep expecting him to say or do something that's going to turn me off, and instead "he" just...keeps...getting better.
I would like to reiterate we are here if you ever need us, if sobriety becomes so uncomfortable you can't go on, or if you return to drinking, or if you just find yourself climbing the walls and going batshit crazy, I didn't see anything to suggest you aren't an alcoholic, and in the short time you have been here I have seen you write a ton of things that suggest you are, and if you are an alcoholic, remember, you always have a home with us
We have clear cut directions on how to approach you, and those directions are to make you feel welcome even if you find a diiferent way, we don't hold the market for how to get sober, we just have a way that worked with us.
If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us. But point out that we alcoholics have much in common and that you would like, in any case, to be friendly. Let it go at that.
Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program. He may rebel at the thought of a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion with other people. Do not contradict such views. Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action. Don't start out as an evangelist or reformer. Unfortunately a lot of prejudice exists. You will be handicapped if you arouse it. Ministers and doctors are competent and you can learn much from them if you wish, but it happens that because of your own drinking experience you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics. So cooperate; never criticize. To be helpful is our only aim.
When you discover a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous, find out all you can about him. If he does not want to stop drinking, don't waste time trying to persuade him. You may spoil a later opportunity. This advice is given for his family also. They should be patient, realizing they are dealing with a sick person.
put yourself in his place, to see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned.
If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him.
See your man alone, if possible. At first engage in general conversation. After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Tell him enough about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of himself. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed. If he is not communicative, give him a sketch or your drinking career up to the time you quit. But say nothing, for the moment, of how that was accomplished. If he is in a serious mood dwell on the troubles liquor has caused you, being careful not to moralize or lecture. If his mood is light, tell him humorous stories of your escapades. Get him to tell some of his.
When he sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic. Tell him how baffled you were, how you finally learned that you were sick. Give him an account of the struggles you made to stop. Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism. If he is alcoholic, he will understand you at once. He will match you mental inconsistencies with some of his own.
If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic, begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady. Show him, from your own experience, how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power. Don't, at this stage, refer to this book, unless he has seen it and wishes to discuss it. And be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion. If he sticks to the idea that he can still control his drinking, tell him that possibly he can if he is not too alcoholic. But insist that if he is severely afflicted, there may be little chance he can recover by himself.
Continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness, a fatal malady. Talk about the conditions of body and mind which accompany it. Keep his attention focussed mainly on your personal experience. Explain that many are doomed who never realize their predicament. Doctors are rightly loath to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it will serve some good purpose. But you may talk to him about the hopelessness of alcoholism because you offer a solution. You will soon have you friend admitting he has many, if not all, of the traits of the alcoholic. If his own doctor is willing to tell him that he is alcoholic, so much the better. Even though your protege may not have entirely admitted his condition, he has become very curious to know how you got well. Let him ask you that question, if he will. Tell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely. If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a Power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual principles.
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I only know that I was too scared to miss a meeting for a good long while. I went to like 500 meetings in the first year. I did it cuz my life was in toilet. I did it because I totally forgot how to live and I felt like alcohol kicked my ass so bad that I needed everything recovery had to offer. I did a lot of stuff wrong but all those meetings and having a sponsor and working the steps since day 6 of sobriety saved me for sure. Now is not the time to slack off. Just my opinion...
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I think cutting back your schedule to one or two meetings a week is perfectly fine. I think trying to go without them ENTIRELY is extremely risky, as others have said...
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
I don't plan on stopping the meetings entirely. I cannot "drink like a gentleman" or in moderation or anything like that. I just came to realize that alcohol makes me sick, mentally and physically. Even if I only drink a six pack of beer, and then stop...it does screwy things to my BRAIN. I've got enough mental problems dealing with the traumatic events of the last several years--the rapid succession of three deaths of people I was close to, a sexual assault, and a prior physical and mentally abusive relationship...the alcohol abuse was a symptom of my own struggle to internally deal with this stuff, I was looking for peace in the bottle and in the last couple of years I recognized fully what I was doing and it just took me a while to realize I couldn't control it and was actually making it worse. I was totally self medicating, but like a manic depressive or a schizophrenic, I was on the WRONG meds and they were making me worse.
The truth is, alcohol isn't proper medication for ANYONE, it's just poison, pure and simple.
If I truly thought I wasn't an alcoholic and didn't need to be on here, or in AA, or I could do it solo and just "buck up" and cold turkey it, I wouldn't be posting threads like this and asking for everyone's opinion. I know me, and I just wouldn't be interested. I would just disappear from this forum and nobody would ever hear from me again. I wouldn't be at the healthy place I am right now, either. I'm grateful to be here.
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
All I can do is share my experience. I'd thought that I'd had a good relationship with my Higher Power and with my sponsor and that meetings weren't important. I was pretty bored in fact with some of the ones that I was going to.
Poof -- I drank three beers at a pub nearby home. Was even praying as I went in, but the autopilot was on. Had to come on here and admit it -- not a happy thing, let's put it that way.
What I learned from that is that *I* need meetings in addition to the Step work, etc. Meetings are simply part of my sobriety.
Gonna be honest, I'm not perfect,sometimes I feel like I'd love to drop them and do something else. I'm co-secretary of my home group now and put it this way, makes me feel like dropping it even more sometimes. But then I realize what happened last time. Meetings are part of my sobriety.
Like the others say on here, anything that I put before my sobriety, I will lose, since I have now seen it happen to others.
So I keep going to meetings, even when I'm not at home or even in the country.
Hey Amy, we're glad that you are here and we certainly aren't trying to beat you up over your approach. Given our personal experiences (many of us through trial and error, myself especially) we want you to have the best chance at getting and staying sober because no one knows how many chances one has. Some go out, drink, and die. This disease kills thousands per week in a thousand different ways. We're not suggesting anything that wasn't suggested to us by our AA mentors, certainly not making it up as we go along. We wish you the best.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 7th of November 2010 11:58:32 AM
Yep, Amy, what Dean said. I too am really glad you're here. Personally, I really like your writing and love your sense of humor. You remind us that sobriety is not a glum place! :)
But like Dean says, many of us tried and failed (me, for instance) -- part of our sobriety is sharing our experience, which includes our mistakes, with others.
...the alcohol abuse was a symptom of my own struggle to internally deal with this stuff,
I was told that my abuse of alcohol was a symptom of disease. That was hard for me to grasp at first, but today I know it's true. I've seen too many dry drunks to deny it.
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
You don't know what I'm gonna say. If I ever get that predictable put me in a home... And we are grateful to have you, Amy.
Could this indomitable feeling be "bliss"?
It's also called "honeymoon". Your well-oiled, highly developed primate brain is producing dopamine in unnaturally high levels because it thinks you broke it. You didn't break it...you stopped super-charging it.
This awesome feeling will pass, if it's not harnessed and maintained.
When the "honeymoon" passes, the "wall" begins. The "wall" is symptomized by anhedonia; the absence of feelings and emotions. No ups, no downs, just..........................flat and level. Addiction is complex, but it all comes down in the end to conditioning.
The 7-lb jello-mold in our skull-buckets are wired to reward good feelings for the things that allow us hairless apes to survive; eating, achieving and f**ing. When we get drunk or high, we super-charge that system and like a good brain, it responds strongly and remembers, wanting more. A huge part of the recovery process is allowing our brains to undo years or even decades of conditioning that was hard-wired right into our survival circuits.
Old Bill, Bob and some consultants found a way to use this cycle to Our advantage. There is one primitive behavior that consistently feels good and can carry a brain from the early phases of recovery right on through for the rest of our lives.Spirituality.
If we want to look at this thing scientifically, by establishing a solid relationship with God during the bliss of "honeymoon" (steps 1,2 &3) we become conditioned by association that HP=Happy. Meetings with others who share our perspective, prayer & meditation will see us through ANYTHING. No more dopamine roller-coasters.
That's the long version. The short version is;
If you wanna stay sober, work the steps, go to meetings and stay away from that first drink.
Peace, Rob
-- Edited by Aquaman on Sunday 7th of November 2010 09:27:12 PM
Amy, you are an example of AA working even at just over 30 days. If you have had the urge to drink lifted, than that is a miracle and you can help others with your hope as you are doing here. For that reason alone, it would be worth it for you to go to more meetings.
Same goes for me too. Having wrote that, now I need to follow my own suggestions. BAH!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Just really quickly on the meeting thing - I have been having some pretty major relationship dificulties over the past little while (hubby is an alcoholic but will not admit that his life has become unmanageable etc). Trying v hard to "release with love" and to hand over to my HP who I call God. Went to a meeting last night coz it was all getting tooo much. This was not my normal meeting and I had to juggle some work/personal stuff to get there. EVERY SINGLE PERSON AT THE MEETING SPOKE TO MY PROBLEM. The funny thing was I was called LAST and no-one in that meeting knew me or had any idea of my particular problem/s. This to me is the miracle of AA and just how attending meetings can prompt spiritual breakthroughs when you least expect it. God Bless you hon (This is my gobsmacked face - )
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