Have you considered saying to your mother " This has been a tough decision, but I must settle some debt and the only way to do so is in refinancing the family home. My beautiful wife (name) and I have agreed but here is where the fear comes in. Mom, we need your approval to get this done. I know you are just beginning to trust me again, and I am afraid this will dissapoint you. Can we talk seriously about this?"

With lots of attention to the 11th step.

I agree with Mike F.  What I've learned is; to do the next right thing and let God take care of the results.  The opposite of fear is faith.  In these situations I pray to God for assistance in carrying out his plan and not my own.  I then ask for acceptance of his plan.  Remember; God loves the truth.....  Let us know how it goes. 

I understand tough decisions. Just bought a cabin up north that I have been waiting 3 months to get. My brother owns another one of the cabins next to mine. He lives there year round. Get a call from him yesterday and wondered If for 6,000.00 dollars and half of all maintenace would I like to buy in and own half his big baja boat? He has a record of not handling his finace well. He also tells me "It will really help me out alot". He just retired and basicly doesn't use the boat but his kids do. Only a few weeks out of the year. So....sorta puts me on the spot. Number one I don't really think its a good idea to own something with another person. Big set up for resentments!! I know he needs the money so my heart goes out. But he put himself in the prediciment. So what have I learned???? BOUNDRIES. Didn't know I was going to have to set them so soon. I do have money set aside to work on my cabin and would like to hire him to do it. Thats the best I can do. Its hard. I really don't think giving him the money to pay off half of what he owes will help him. I feel he needs to realize that he cant afford to keep a boat he rarly uses just to entertain his kids. He told me he has been helping out his son with money because he is not doing well. Long story he sees me as a quick fix and as hard as it is I have to decline and take care of me. Sorry if this doesn't really go with this thread just needed to vent. Have a great day everyone.

just read susie post gives me a different take on my dilema and i just realised that i am responsible for my predicaments and now i wuold understand if my mother woukd not agree and actually find myself quite serene about it thanks susie for sharing your feelings éthis is were i am letting go and letting god thats how i feel .it wasnice talking with you guys.