This is tough. I have known I am an alcoholic for a long time. But I always said because I wasn't falling down in the street drunk, I never physically abused my fanily, and I never missed work I wasn't a "drunk"...But I knew. My grandfather was a raging alcoholic and it permeates both sides of my family. Let me see if this makes sense to anyone out there. I am fine today, tomorrow, Wednesday, and, sometimes, even Thursday. But by Thursday night, and definitely Friday, I HAVE to start drinking. And not just drink but drink -- Beer in one hand and an Irish whisky in the other...and I don't quit until I pass out. The next day I justify the night before by doing it again and realizing I won't drink Monday - Thursday...and it starts all over again. But in the past year or so things have gotten worse...I can't drink in public with friends because once I become Mr. Hyde I insult my closest friends, make a fool of myself, etc. I never thought it would get to this point...but it has. My children, ages 12 and 8, have asked me in the past to stop drinking but I blew them off -- what did they know? They're just kids. I joined these boards and started reading others stories and too many of them hit too close to home for me. I want to start going to AA meetings but, truthfully, I don't even know what to say -- can I just go and listen. I know I am powerless over alcohol and I pray to God everyday for the ability to stop but I can't do it on my own.
Hi. Rod H, You sure can go to an A.A. meeting and just listen. I know I was scared when I went to my first meeting and it was quite amazing to me how nice it was to be in a room of people who felt like I did. Part of me "breathed a sigh of relief". Odd's are you may like it. Toad
Welcome!! Rod H..the first part of the journey is beginning ,your admission of powerless and unmanageability!!You have to really want this and be "willing to do whatever it takes"...Just keep coing and more will definitely be revealed.You will finally be somewhere with people just like you!!!The pain has definitely outweighed the pleasure and its time 'to change" attitudes and behaviors,meetings,sponsorship,the spiritual solution"our steps/traditions/concepts/ will show you a new way to live free from active addiction,one day at a time..So glad you found us ,keep coming back let us know whats up!!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
(((((Rod)))) Yes, you can go and just listen.....that was all I did at my first meeting. (Well I cried alot actually - I was just so relieved to be somewhere I was understood and treated with such kindness) It felt like I had come home - if that doesn't sound a bit too corny and dramatic!!!! I too was a Jeckell and Hyde drinker. I tried for years to stop on my own. With AA I not only managed it but have a quality of life I never could have even dreamed of. With love & support, Louisa xx
Rod, you sound like you are really doing so good thinking in a healthy way about all of this. The title of the threat says "where to start?" This was a good start. The next step would be going a meeting and looking for a sponsor. I think it would be very helpful to have some numbers or a temporary sponsor to call over next weekend because that first weekend with no alcohol is going to be difficult for you. You might want to fill up next weekend with a meeting friday night and 2 on both weekend days. If you really want to be sober, I recommend taking these steps.
Also, coming to the realization that you need help is the hardest part. If you take the above actions I suggested,I guarantee it will just get better. We are all here for you.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome, Rod. Like others have said; you started with this post. You can go to meetings and "just listen". The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. What I've seen work better is going to your first meetings and letting the Fellowship know you're new. We've all been in your shoes and realize how hard it is for the newcomer to walk through the doors to a meeting. What you'll find is a loving, compassionate group of individuals who care......
Aloha RodH...Welcome to MIP. Alcoholism is a disease; AMA registered class A disease. It is progressive; always gets worse never better and if not arrested by total abstinence results in insanity and or death. Welcome to where the alcoholics hang out sometimes. Face to face meetings is where we get to see your face and in time hear your story however like you've already been told you can go and listen and at open meetings you don't even have to declare "I'm alcoholic" you can say I'm check it out. Listening is the best way to learn what it is and we are like; listening and reading the Big Book of Alcoholics' Anonymous. Please get the literature of recovery, as much as you can and read with an open mind.
What you have described as your condition pretty much hits my experiences also and when I discovered it in my life had to agree I had a habit of drinking, wouldn't stop when I started and blew off everyone and thing which got in the way. Alcohol was the most important thing in my life when I sat to drink and I've been in the boiler room myself...beer chased with whiskey. The drinking habit progressed until and thru several toxic shocks (overdoses) and then I didn't stop and arrest the drinking for several years later.
Let us know what your first face to face meeting was like for you and continue to reach out here. There are some very solid "walkers" on this board. They don't just talk it.
I'm just that kind of drunk. Ruined my life. Lost the things that are dearest to me due to alcoholism. Go to meetings. Get the book and read it. Do what feels right in the meetings. If you surrender there will be a huge weight lifted from you that you have been carrying for a long time.
For a while I went to "open" meetings and just said "I'm Mary (which was NOT my name) and I'm glad to be here...or, ...and I just came to listen...or ...and I have nothing to say...or ...and I'll pass.
Nobody tried to get me to say more or to do anything else until I was comfortable enough to put myself more into it...they just told me "welcome" and "keep coming back".
Thanks to everyone for their support on here. I am going to take your advice and go to a meeting Friday night and two over the weekend -- I hope it helps. I also started reading the Big Book and felt like I was looking in a mirror most of the time. Again, thank you all.
Well, its been 7 months-- I still haven't been to a meeting because I have tried, on my own, to beat this drinking. I can't by myself....and now I have gotten to the point where I cannot NOT drink EVERY day. So, this afternoon at 5;30 there is an "after 5 meeting" here and I am going to go and, as some have suggested, just listen and pray to god I make it through this day sober. So why do we purposely hurt ourselves? That isn't normal or rational.
Good luck Rod. Alcoholism is progressive and deadly. Your story is much like mine. What started as weekend binge drinking progressed to daily drinking. There's no cure for Alcoholism. What we do is work a Program of action(below) and we get a daily reprieve from our Alcoholism based on the maintenance of our Spiritual condition. The list below sets the environment to obtain and maintain our Spiritual condition. Keep posting and let us know how you make out.
Meetings, Fellowship, Sponsor, Steps, HP & Helping Others.
So why do we purposely hurt ourselves? That isn't normal or rational.
I would suggest getting a copy of the AA Big Book and reading the chapter "More About Alcoholism". In particular the story of the jaywalker, which I think is part of that chapter. The short answer is there is nothing rational whatsoever about alcholism. We call it cunning, baffling, and powerful. And patient. But never rational.
Well, I made my first meeting Tuesday night and in the Step 1 meeting I pretty much recited what I posted on here months ago. I have the Big Book and I have begun working the steps. I may not be able to make a meeting today because of work, but I am going to try. I have two questions I need answers to and hopefully you can help:
1. I have a friend who has been a recovering alcoholic for 5 years and has/does worked/work the steps and does well now. Would it be okay to discuss with him being my sponsor? He has no idea I am in AA (but probably suspected I would end up here). One of the guys at the meeting the other night told me to find a sponsor that shares my values and my friend and I have similar backgrounds and values.
2. I have to host, with my siblings, tonight a wedding anniversary party for my parents. There will be beer and booze flowing and I want any tips or ideas where I don't "rationalize" a drink or how to deal with the "aw, c'mon, have a drink or two -- it won't kill ya" (well, yeah, it will). Any ideas?
PS: my wife kind of looks at me funny now -- like, "really? you're an alcoholic?". She wants me to be able to drink with her but I can't drink. And I don't think she understands. She is a "normal" drinker. And don't suggest AlAnon because she would take that as offensive. Any ideas on this, too?
