As alcoholics, we did not outgrow the immature way of getting our needs met (filling the hole in our soul)... we continued to use our survival instincts and adolescent behaviors. There are other tools to use as adults (greater ways) to find fulfillment, and that is through emotional sobriety, because physical sobriety is only the beginning of our journey. Emotional Sobriety is like a 'second stage' of sobriety.
The definition of insanity being "doing the same things over and over and expecting a different outcome" is true in both physical and emotional sobriety. The old adolescent ways of getting what we think we need is just as insane because we are using the wrong set of tools to find meaning in life and personal growth. our original tools (baby tools) for getting gratification is an addictive cycle of feeling empty after the gratification is achieved and leaves us frustrated because it did not last longer than a minute and we are still left wanting that elusive happiness. Not realizing gratification of our basic needs for love, sex, safety, self esteem, money, and prestige gets out of control, exceeding the "normal limit" of use. Our desires far exceed their borders and our misdirected instincts turn into liabilities. When we misuse God given instincts to get what we think will make us happy, we end up perverting the use of those instincts and then justify our excesses... (12 by 12 pg 49)
This cycle generates fear and a soul sickness. We are unsuccessfully trying to fill that hole in our soul. Wanting to feel better we repeat these old behaviors, over and over, depending on other people to meet our emotional needs. Living with "feeling incomplete" leads to unhealthy dependency and unhealthy demands and we remain unfulfilled.... this leads to depression and other sicknesses that can only be relieved by surrendering to God's power and presence. Decide to let go of those adolescent tools that were not meant to bring happiness, they are just instincts for survival. Living life by gratifying our instincts is living in bondage to self.
Only a power greater than ourselves can begin to restore us to sanity. Saneness means being whole. We don't need to understand God, or understand His plan for our life, just allow that God is present. Accepting this presence can restore us to wholeness. We are right where we are supposed to be. All God asks of us is that we have the desire to do God's will. We can ask God in 5 minute blocks of time (if we want to be sure) "am I doing Your will? am I doing the right thing right now?" A circumstance cannot block God's will or our doing God's will. Only I can let a circumstance block my doing God's will. The great lie is "I ought to be different." (don't believe it.) Our agenda today is to be ourselves today, as we are today.
Be of maximum service, according to God's will, and experience a soul deep joy, a sustainable joy. The deeply painful wounds we have experienced in life can either bury us in bitterness or bring us compassion for others. It is a choice. A goal for me is to Be in any circumstance and 'be well.' That is our Victory and that is our witness to those who need help. Give without demand and without dependency.
Third Step Prayer
God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!
Thank you for this, JJx Very timely for me right now too, dear sister.
This endless feeling of wantaneeda was swallowing me whole & coming from a place of judging both others & myself. I hit an emotional bottom with it on Saturday in my CoDA group while we worked Tradition 5 (each group has but one primary purpose, to carry the message to others who still suffer) & it was so powerful for me. It broke down my perfectionism, control & comparing & I realised how tight I had hold of my life & ambition once again.
The next day we did Step 3 & it was just what I needed. So beautiful. I may be also codependent but my problem of selfishness & self-centredness remains the same with the same solution. Thank you for sharing our AA Step 3 prayer with us here. Allow me to share our Codependents Anonymous prayer here too. The message is essentially the same. Thank God.
"God, I give to you all that I am, & all that I will be for your healing & direction. Make new this day as I release all my worries & fears knowing you are by my side. Please help me open myself to your love to allow your love to heal my wounds & to allow your love to flow through me & from me to those around me. May your will be done this day. Amen."
May I do Thy will always 1Day@aTime Amen, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
