...try, try again. And I am.... tomorrow will be probably my 4th time joining AA. But it's time---oh yes, it's definitely time. Another blackout yesterday & my best friend is angry w/ me---says I hung up on her when she called me on my alkie BS. I don't even remember talking to her!!!! And I have a great big blazing purple bump on my head!!!! It's like a shiner over the eye, right by my temple!!!! Where did that come from? I have no memory of it. I'm so ashamed. I hope my friend hasn't washed her hands of me forever! Obviously if this continues I WILL die. So.... she's baaaaaaa---aack. This time for good.
Wow, thanks for being here and sharing this. You brought back some memories for me .. of me, lol.
Oh how I remember that incomprehensible demoralization. The shame, guilt and remorse. The inability to remember .. the deadening of my memory no matter how hard I tried to recall.
Hi Posey, welcome to the board. You don't ever have to feel like that again or wonder what you said, and where bruises came from. Google AA in the town that you live in and make a phone call to find out where a good meeting is close to you. You'll be talking to a recovering alcoholic just like us here, that you can ask any questions that you have about getting sober, meetings etc...
Posey, don't beat yourself up. I got drunk by myself (solo drinker) this winter on a weekend while I was alone because the kids were with their father and woke up with a bruise & rugburn on my upper left cheekbone & my left eye swollen shut...remembered nothing. Had to make up some BS story about what happened...what if I had wiped out into my stone fireplace or my heavy wrought-iron coffee table? Nobody would have found me until the smell started drifting out into the street and the cat ate my face...what a lovely obituary.
We've all been there. Welcome back. (((HUGGGGGS))) Amy
-- Edited by AmyWillWin on Wednesday 20th of October 2010 09:56:53 AM
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
Posey, Welcome back! Relapse is part of recovery for some. It was for me. Get back in the saddle and enjoy the ride. Not sure what your recovery program looks like, but it may be time to step it up...........
I cannot honestly say that I worked thru all the steps, no. I did have a sponsor---I adored her, she was loud & fun (just like a drinkin' buddy!) but probably not a good match for me. Anonymity is important to me, & we used to meet at coffee houses & cafes where she was... well, LOUD & it was quite obvious to all around us what we were doing. I just found it creepy, especially early in the game. Then she moved away. Went to a meeting today & it was great. Someone was celebrating a big birthday. I remembered a few people, & one woman immediately offered to be my sponsor, God bless her. Meantime, the best friend is trying to push me to go to rehab & has obviously been talking to my husband. That's not going to happen. This isn't reality TV. Of course, that same friend decided her husband was "cured" of his alcoholism when she got a motorcycle & wanted to go to all the biker bars with him, the poker runs & such. So her idea of "treatment" or "cure", whatever, is obviously skewed... not only can hubby drink now, he can do it & THEN hop on a motorcycle!!! Wow! What a miracle. So... I'm sticking with AA & this time, for good. The birthday person suggested 90 meetings in 90 days... never did that, either, but I do believe it's a really good idea. REALLY good idea! Thanks to all of you again... you are angels to me.
-- Edited by Posey on Wednesday 20th of October 2010 09:01:10 PM
Give it a go with the whole "90 in 90", getting a sponsor, working the steps etc and I guarantee you will have a different result
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path" is what our literature says, he wrote later he wanted to write "never" but knew some alkie would follow the path and drink just to prove him wrong, we alkies are like that, but personally I have never seen anyone "fail" that thoroughly followed our path
I tried drinking twice after working the steps and couldn't stick with it, AA and the steps ruint my drinking
Give it a full shot, I suspect it will ruin yours too, and Life gets much better and totally different just as kind of a strange side effect
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful