I found out last night that my mother was hospitalized Wednesday night for a supposed suicide attempt. This isn't her first one...ahhh, memories of holding her in my car by her hair driving her to the ER after she OD'ed when I was nineteen (she kept trying to jump out of the car), what a Brady Bunch moment. My father and she were both drinking, and they got into an argument, and it was on like Donkey-Kong. She told my father she took an overdose of pills (turned out she didn't) and went to the hospital via ambulance.
The supposed 'reason' she initially gave my baby sister was that she was so upset over her (sis's) booze/drug use and choice of abusive boyfriend that she had a breakdown. I swear, my mother uses excuses to drink and act insane as WEAPONS. My sister is a mess, sure. In fact, I'm the least messed up family member...that's gotta tell you something. The true story is that she got crazy drunk and broke something, and Dad told her if she was going to start destroying their mutual property she should get a (expletive) job. Momageddon ensued, because that's how she rolls.
Never take any responsibility, Mother. Screw everyone else up in the head worse by laying on the guilt trips...especially your youngest, who is and always was the weakest link. I have NO idea how my father and sister continue to subscribe to the nonsense, but for some reason they do. I have accepted my family for how they are and that I can't change them, and I severely restrict the time I spend around them because they poison my thinking and fire my anger up, and I have worked hard the last five years to let that anger go. My parent's attitude toward me after my divorce in 2005 pretty much directly led to my suicide attempt in 2006. To go from the favorite golden child-overachiever to anathema because I divorced the alcoholic drug abusing father of my children seemed harsh to me. Oh lord, so much more of a story there, this forum doesn't have the SPACE for that memoir. The last time I was around either of my parents while they were drinking, they both tried to provoke me into physically fighting them, of course because I told them they were alcoholics. Jerry Springer. That was about four years ago.
Today, they are worse than ever, isolated and I only see them maybe half a dozen times in a year, and I keep it short. I love them both as much as I CAN, but I live in dread of the day one of them dies, because maybe this is heartless but NEITHER of them are ever going to live with me. No. Freaking. Way.
Anyways, normally all of this would have produced an epic Ride-Of-The-Valkyries drunk, but I amazed myself last night by not even feeling the desire. It just seemed to reinforce my desire to be sober. I'm going to my second meeting tonight.
Looking forward to it.
-- Edited by AmyWillWin on Friday 15th of October 2010 02:59:31 PM
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
You got it. It helps that I'm a writer, so spilling my guts at 90 WPM online isn't a PROBLEM for me. And Lord, I know that a lot of folks have much worse stories about their parents. Just sharing a bit of the story of "How Amy came to know that she should stay away from alcohol".
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
I can tell your a writer Amy. You have great insight, and in this early stage of sobriety it will only get better. Keep writing and helping me stay sober!
I know exactly how you feel, Amy. Both of my parents are alcoholics (dad hasn't has been sober since the 70's) and my mom is a complete basket case. Always has been. There's nothing like finding your mom attempting suicide when you're a child-multiple times. My whole life has been controlled by her illnesses. I live 1500 miles away now, and that's still not far enough to escape her.
My dad just goes along with whatever she says, supports everything she does, and goes to bed at 7:30 PM to pretend he doesn't know she is boozing. It frustrates the hell out of me that she never remembers a damn thing and we have the same conversation over and over and over. I can only imagine how he feels. She tells lies when she is drinking, then starts to believe them. My small children have started to realize that something's not quite right with GG.
At night, I lie there and tell myself that I WILL NOT do to my children what has been done to me.
Hi Missy, I'm your long-lost sibling Amy. Fancy meeting you here. :)
I'm not making light of anything, humor is how I deal with most things. I wish MY parents were that far away. Fortunately, mine know better than to call me drunk by now.
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
I find that humor is the best way to deal with it, too. But it hurts! I look at my friends who have great relationships with their *normal* parents and woner why I can't have that.
Do what I did: Adopt somebody else's parents. I more or less adopted (and was adopted by) my boyfriend's parents, and I still love my ex mother in law to death. Still, I know what you mean. I have never been able to count on my parents for anything, and in a lot of ways that made me really tough...but hell yeah it hurts.
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"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." ~Anonymous
The day I knew she was beyond hope was when I was 6 cm dilated in labor with my daughter, and she started a drunken screaming argument with me about how I treat her like shit.
Amy and Missy-it is awesome that you are "here" and getting out from under the hideous destructiveness of alcoholism/addiction/abusive relationships. I nearly destroyed my daughter with my sick self, and it has been a long hard road to gain back even a little of her love and trust, for which I am so grateful. Never write anyone off, though, your "favorite" drunks may become blessed with a desire to get and stay sober someday-ya never know. In the meantime, you are a living copy of the Big Book for them to see. Stay strong in this program-you will never be abandoned.
Amy---I love your story :) More specifically, I love the honesty and insight with which you tell it. It gives me hope and is inspiring. I also limit the amount of time I spend with my parents, as I finally realized I feel worse about myself when I am around them. And, I found some great adoptive parents too!!
Amy, love your story and the way that you tell it. Awesome that you didn't feel the desire to drink through all that. And the best is yet to come in what we get out of this program.
I guess my mother's not QUITE that far gone...yet. (((hugs)))