My partner has been out of rehab for 6 months now. He goes to AA but is in at the time of the meeting and out as soon as he leaves. I attend Al-alon and AA. I am becoming healthy and learning so much about the disesase. I try to encourage him by talking to him and telling him to think about decisions for more than a nano second. Give a few days to really think about it. Before I know it, he has made a decision on something that is so unhealthy. Yesterday without even talking to me, until after the fact, he gave his daughters whom are 21 and 13 money to go rent an apartment. They have no job and do not attend school. He calls me on the phone and tells me so fast that he has done it and hangs up the phone. I tried to call him back but he would not answer. He calls me later and thinks that everything is just ok and wants my advise on it. What I don't understand that it is already done so why ask me. When I saw him after work he acts like everything is ok and does not know why I am upset. I need to tell him so I do. These unhealthy behaviours are ruining our life and he keeps using because of it. I have told him from the very beginnig of rehab that he needs to take care of number 1 and that is him. He can't take on anyone else's problem's. But he does not get it. I stayed with friends last night and he kept calling me and I knew he was drinking. He has not been to a meeting in a week now. This morning he emails me and says he is sorry and loves me. I wrote back I am sorry you took the money that we were saving for a home and gave it to your children. Since you have done that, please do not contact me again till you are actually in the program. What else can I do here. Or do I just walk and never look back. Thanks
Hi, You are on the right track with Al Anon. As a double winner I have found it to help me find answers I can live with. It may be you already have your answers.
P.S. Not very many people have had success with helping active users make healthy decisions.
Hey Unhappy, Sometimes it takes a while for the program to catch on. Sometimes it does not work out at all. Are you going to AA because you have a problem or him? If it is just him, then you are on the right track figuring out how the disease of alcoholism works. If you are there for you, you need to work on you first and foremost. I hope things work out, but if money is a concern, many here will tell you where that money will go if you are dealing with an alcoholic that does not "get" the program.
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
I go to AA meeting's to learn more about the disease as he is a dual addict. We only have Al-anon meetings once a week here and I find it is not enough for me. Thanks for sending me a message.
Sounds like you are making the right decision even though it hurts. It sounds like he is trying to send people away from him so that he can drink and ruin his life more. Addiction does that and there isn't much you can do other than tell him to get back with the program. When you are stuck in a burning house, you ARE allowed to just walk out the front door and to stop burning.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
