I got sober four months ago in Virginia and am now visiting my mother and step-father for 3 weeks in Switzerland. I know that doesn't sound that bad, rather good, but, they are driving me crazy and I find myself very angry at them just for the way they are. I'm finding that I am blaming them (in my head) for the way that I am. And it's really pushing my buttons. My stepfather talks all the time, is a perfectionist, who always has to be right and I feel like whatever I say, it is never good enough. I feel so raw without the alcohol to deal with these emotions. I'm in a constant state of tenseness. The cravings had been removed but I'm scared they will come back and I will do something crazy if I don't get it out!!
I really wish I could just love them and accept them, but it's a feeling that grabs me at the gut level! Unresolved issues, I guess.
I have the when and where here and have attended a meeting already.
Any advice on accepting people for who they are? Or whatever else you think!
Welcome! I agree,check see if any meetings around.This disease runs rampant through our lives.Putting the alcohol down is the first step,learning to live life on life's terms without being obliterated takes some work! Resentment will eat us alive and you must really deeply look inside and find out if you love yourself first..That is hard for us after some of the things we have done under the influence.Do you have any literature or a computer to get info online while looking for a meeting?Sharing how you feel is part of our process and it helps free ourselves...Let us know how its going,we have all been there and are here to share our experience,strength and hope.We all have to find out what works for us and continue a day at a time..We are responsible for our own recovery .Hope to hear back from you!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Only my opinion, but maybe you could try allowing yourself NOT to "love them as they are" right away. You can't MAKE yourself feel a certain emotion toward someone, so it might be best not to try. Maybe just be civil and respectful and realize that their opinion of you (or yours of them) is not the most important thing in the world. You've made a HUGE step in your life by quitting, one that many, many, people admire, including us here on this board.
Understand that feelings are just that, feelings, and they don't have to rule you, rather, you can deal with them. Go for a walk, read something, practice your faith if any. They may not know how to process you at this point either.
GOOD LUCK!
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, or thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation, as being exactly as it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober, unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I neeed to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in my world as on what need to be changes in me and in my attitudes.
Read it again and again until you feel some peace. I have had to read it so many times I almost have it memorized.
Another useful saying to take it all a bit more light-heartedly. Your family knows how to push your buttons because they are the ones that installed them.
All that really matters is that you stay sober. Over more time and working the steps you will find peace in your family relationships. Go to meetings, work the steps, and call your sponsor and in time, I guarantee the issues you have today with family will not be anywhere near what they are later on.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
This would be one of those "humility" practices that I learned when I first got into recovery...not humiliation; humility the definition of, as I learned in program as, "being teachable". I like the lesson on acceptance alot. I also remember the lesson that "no one can cause me to drink...or even think of one"...resentment maybe the number one offender from the past but not anymore. I wonder how close an AA meeting is to you at the moment? The program is in about every country on the planet.
Congradulations on the sober time you already have. Thanks Mark for the reference.
I was in a similar situation. Done the lost job, wife left me, etc and back with my ageing parents miles away from my kids..... It did my nut in.
I tried to explain alcoholism, AA etc to my parents but it didn't work. In addition I was on MSN talking to my ex wife, I'd even agreed to hand over/sell the house etc.
The key to me was attending several weeks worth of meetings and then that step meeting on step 8. Sounds daft as I was only at step 1 but the simple realisation I could not do step 8 yet, I couldn't change my parents or deal with my ex, 'let go' I suppose.
It came easier to deal with them. However the shame of living with my parents meant I tried to return near to where I'd been living early. I was fixed having dropped down from 49 units per day to 18, not drinking during the day or before meetings - not an alcoholic anymore!! lol and therefore FAILED.
2nd attempt was when I finally executed step 2 and in the process understood the serenity prayer, it was magical in a way. I think my head at the time went through a HE MAN phase 'I have the power'. I also accepted I had to stay with my parents a little longer but returned to Yorkshire and have been sober since
'They're really pushin my buttons' - well stop putting your buttons in view then. Acceptance IS the key. They are how they are and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
Get out, get to meetings and talk about it with people who understand. Finally, try a Jorvik and return to Yorkshire! (Joke, there isn't really enough room for everyone! - there are two types of people in the world, those born in Yorkshire and the rest, who wish they were!)
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Hi everybody. Thank you so much for all your wise and awesome words :) You are life savers, it was just amazing to be connected to total strangers all over the world who know exactly how I feel. Between expressing myself to you guys, my sponsor and then finally my mother and hearing her out as well, I feel so much better. I think being so early in recovery and being in total different surroundings had a lot to do with it. I freaked out and was seeing all the negative. I feel more grateful right now and able to appreciate my folks more.
I would suggest getting on your knee's and praying to the God of Your understanding ... asking for guidance, strength, patience, tolerance, accpetance and love.
