Both my grandfathers drank to the extent it affected their families in a detrimental way
My mums dad tended to have heavy sessions over the w/e and she had memories of he and her mum fighting when he got home from the pub-she used to dread it
My dad`s dad spent most evenings down the pub as well as womanising which drove his wife to several suicide attempts which my dad had to handle on his own
So both my parents hated drunkards and drank very moderately e.g. at Xmas they`d have a small sherry.
My father suffered with a bi polar illness and I had often got suicidally depressed. I was very shy and socially awkward and had a low capacity for enjoyment apart from the brief highs that I would get. I was too ashamed and ignorant to go to the doc for this.
I had my first drink at 14 whilst on a school trip. Me and several others were sick after drinking a couple of pints of cider. The being sick and nauseous carried on until well in my 20s and although I liked going out with friends for a drink I could take it or leave it. It was when we moved down to Bristol 23 year ago that I first started heavydrinking which I now know to be an alcohlic way..
I found that when I drank I felt good and added cannabis which made things even better. I treated my wife`s disapproval with disdain and couldn`t see what was wrong with having "a few drinks"
In 1990 the cannabis and drink led to a hospital admission with hypomania yet I didn`t see the connection and carried on until 1998 when I finally admitted that I was an alcoholic
I went to a local AA group and I thought I had finally cracked it. At first I thought I`d come home feeling that I wasn`t alone with my alcoholism. I was described as a lone wolf by the group leader and ackowledged that. I started to get a hypomanic and threw myself into AA with enthusiasm. After about 3 months my mood had returned to its usual moderate depression and I began to feel that this particular AA group was a cult and that I was being brainwashed so I left feeling anxious that retribution would come for such an act. Of course it didn`t.
Eventually I got some good medication for my condition and my drinking never got as bad as it had been. I went through cycles of abstinence moderate drinking then compulsive drinking and once gave up for a whole year. I thought my alcoholism was cured.
This is probably a familiar tale but I at this moment intend to never take alcohol again. If I do my wife will pack her bags and leave me although she loves me and I believe she does
I had my last drink on 30.9.10 . 3 days after that my wife was rushed into hospital for emergency surgery and I am currently helping her convalesce at home. When it is practical to do so I shall go to the local Friends meeting house where there is an AA group. Thanking you for reading my personal history
Welcome to the MIP board, we are a friendly group of ex drunks.
Why wait to go to AA? If you are anything like me I had refined the talent of procrastination to an art form. I now know that nothing happens until I act and do something. All the thinking about it did nothing I had to do something. The sooner we get into AA the sooner we begin to get well and feel better.
I understand about bi-polar and being suicidally depressed. I was in that state almost constantly when I found AA. A phychiatrist had declared I was bi-polar. Turns out I was mis-diagnosed. I found out I was an Alcoholic and that I did not like myself. The alcoholism gave me all the symptoms of being bi-polar. Through the AA 12 step program I slowly recovered. That was 34 years ago and today the depression and thoughts of suicide have gone away. Now I am happy, joyous and free.
AA worked for me and it will work for you if you want it badly enough and if you put in the effort to follow the suggested program (all of the program).
Stay in touch because we really care about you. You are no longer alone!
Larry, --------------- I never drank to get drunk. I never got up in the morning and said: 'God, it's gorgeous outside. I think I'll just get drunk and pee all over myself, maybe I'll just shame my family - Y'know what? It's so pretty, I'll just pass some bad cheques too.' - Charlie C.
Well it sure feels like you have arrived at HOME....every word of Larry's I ditto.
Just want to say welcome, go to a meeting as soon as you can, before you change your mind....all you need is the Desire to stop and you do, so my friend, welcome to MIP and Welcome Home at last.
Ian - can I suggest that you get back to a meeting as soon as you can, while your current desire for sobriety is still strong. Leave it and your head will tell you that you don't need it.
Welcome back.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Ian - can I suggest that you get back to a meeting as soon as you can, while your current desire for sobriety is still strong. Leave it and your head will tell you that you don't need it.
Welcome back.
What Bill said. This disease kills people and it's the only disease that tells the inflicted that they don't have one. Moments of clarity, with alcoholism, are rare. It may be years before you have one again. Gettting sober for your wife sounds noble, as does nursing her back to good health, but you must get sober for your own sake. What happens if she does leave? Do you not get sober then? Get busy, there's lots of work to do. We suggest going to 90 meetings in 90 days to insure a good foundation for sobriety.
I went to my first meeting tonight and I was really anxious before I went but I had a real feeling of fellowship being there. A lot was said about a higher power, something I`d struggled with on my last contact with AA 12yrs ago. I realised as I was thinking on the way home that my wife is currently my higher power and I also realised that this was not healthy. But atm thats where I am. Life feels good atm tho I realise this will probably not last.Just enjoying the present and with the help of the fellowship I hope to cope with any suffering that may come in the future.
I can identify with you Enzo...Just remember next time that when you start feeling that meetings are a drag....go anyhow and feelings are not facts. I have moments with anxiety and depression and I need to just keep walking through them cuz I am too scared to give up on recovery. Even on my worst day feeling off kilter in my head, it is better to be sober and have some solutions to my problems rather than living in muck all the time. Keep posting here. Would love to hear more about your journey and what you are learning.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I get where you're at with the higher power. I was the same. It was explained to me thus:
See them stars? Did you put them there? No? Well who did if not a power greater than you or me?
All the times when by rights you should've died, yet you're still here - was that enirely your doing?.
All those times where you drank more than you wanted to - the bottle was a higher power than you, now the other two examples shows a power greater than you and the bottle. Use it.
That's what was said to me, that's what made sense to me. Hope this helps.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
