this is what active alkies do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an alcoholic. And that's what alcoholics do. __________________
wow, i sure needed this today!
now...do i still want to have that drink??? not today! that monkey just shrank a tad!! phew!!
yes the monkey, never stops and neither will i . i dont want to go back and start over. i just keep going one day at a time.i love my sober life even when the hard dayscome! so come if you like monkey im not playing with you today!
The monkey is always there!!! Just don't let him go bowling!!!
I'm sick, Were sick. I was driving home from the hostipal yesterday, and it hit me-- Jade is going to be ok-- why don't you have a beer!!! Is that sick or what???? I went to a meeting.
"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, Page 30~
"...Remember that we deal with alcohol--cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power-that one is God. May you find Him now!"
