IVE BEEN DRINKING SO LONG, THAT I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL CRY OR LOVE FOR MY FAMILEY OR MY CHILDREN ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE TO PLAY WRITE MY EMOTIONS I DO LAUGH AND CRY BUT I DONT FEEL THE LOVE I SHOULD FOR MY KIDS OR MY PARENTS THIS DOES NOT SEEM NORMAL TO ME.BUT I HAVE NOT STOP DRINKING LONG ENOUGY TO SAY SO CAN ANYONE RELATE TO THIS AND IF SO FAMILEY MEMBERS HAVE DIED AND I FEEL A LITTLE BUT IF I WASNT CLOSE I DONT CRY AND ALOT OF PEOPLE JUST BRAKE DOWN A CRY ANY HELP WITH THIS WOULD BE GREATFUL.
I first step is to stop drinking and drugging. It's hard to feel anything at all when you are under the influence.
Have you gone to AA?? I would suggest you call your local AA office and find out where there is a meeting close to you and go to it. You don't have talk if you don't want to, just say Hi I am Mark and I will pass. Buy a copy of the Big Book there. If you can't afford one, they will give you one. Start reading it. I think we all know where you are coming from.
Been there Mark, and I know the desperation. You need to understand that your not alone in this, and there is help available. AA worked for me after nothing else did. A good start would be to call your local AA hotline and talk to someone. You can find your local numbers in the phone book, or do a Google search for AA numbers in your area. There are many people willing to help if you allow them, but you have to take the first step. Please don't forget that alcohol withdraws can kill, so please seek medical attention if it comes down to that. Good luck Mark, you are in my prayers.
I felt exactly like you mentioned. I remember a couple of family members passing (grandmothers) and I barely felt anything at all. I remember feeling some shame about my lack of grieving. Then one day my two year old son got a fever of 106 degrees. My wife and mother in law were hysterical and we were all riding to the hospital together. I asked them why they were so upset and they explained (yelled) that he could die from a temperature so high. I remember thinking "what if he dies? will I feel badly? will I miss him?" I felt that same shame again for not knowing/feeling. Later, after I'd been sober for a year or so, I remember praying for my feelings to return, and hearing people say "be careful what you pray for". It wasn't long after that I felt flooded with all kinds of emotions. I later learned that most of us had some traumatic experiences when we were children. Both my parents were alcoholics and my childhood was difficult to say the least. At some point life was so painful my feelings just shut down to protect me from pain. Trouble is when that happens, all the good feelings go with and you're left numb. Along comes alcohol and all the sudden we feel alive. But it seems that those feelings are only an illusion and when the alcohol is gone so are the feelings. It's no way to live and believe me, your family feels it two. We call it "emotional abandonment" or being "emotionally unavailable".
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 30th of September 2010 08:31:48 PM
I was crying and anxious all the time drunk so I don't relate to this one. I did feel some feelings more intensely after getting sober though... Chiefly anger and frustration spiked faster in the first several months but it went away. So did some of my bullshit drama.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hey Marc Welcome to the forum.Most importantly ,you will have to give yourself a break by putting the substances down.The constant bombardment of substances /alcohol will dull your senses...We are not physicians or offer advice but once you stop drinking/drugging,giving your body and mind a respite,you can investigate some other areas. You may need medical detox,so be cautious....I would suggest making meetings ,learn about the disease but also would suggest getting some medical help to investigate your lack of emotions.... Are you taking prescription meds? Some people,my son included have some emotional things going on that dull their senses for some of the behaviors you are describing.Again thats for medical people to investigate,but using mind altering,mood changing substances will not give you an opportunity to even address that issue..You can surrender to the disease ,do some work and begin a new life..Many of us have realized we were sick before we ever took our first drink/drug.There may be some areas ,like stated here in other suggestions,that are blocking your feelings.SURRENDER and join us in 'life".....the message is hope and the promise is freedom from active addiction....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Welcome Mark and stick around for awhile. I didn't learn how to feel until I was in sessions with my VA alcoholism counselor. My feelings were capped tightly under my head and when the cap got loose the only thing I responded with was rage. I got my definition of feelings from that counselor ("an inside reaction to an outside event") and now I know. Feelings came with program...recovery so my only experience to pass on to you is...get in, all the way in, and follow the suggestions given by the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Put the booze down for 90 days and go to a meeting every day for 90 days with a very open mind... no defense to what you hear in the rooms and not judgement and don't drink anything with alcohol in it for those 90 days. Keep coming back here and tell us how it's coming along.
(((Mark))) I was in despair too. I have nothing really to add to what's been said above. I promise you there is hope.....masses of it. You don't have to deal with this alone .....infact I couldn't deal with it myself. AA not only saved my life but has given me so much more...... With love Louisa xx
Welcome Mark! I was just the opposite. My emotional nature prior to sobriety was very erractic. Mostly feeling too much. Fear, doubt and insecurity was my primary nature. Once I got sober and started recovery my feelings were still there but I had acquired new tools to deal with them through the AA progam. Once I grew spiritually my emotional and physical nature changed. I no longer had to seek relieve from the bottle or dry goods.
Hey Mark, We can all relate. We've all been there. That's why we're here now.
You see that you & drinking aren't made for each other. Good. Same here. You see that we have found a solution. Good. Same here.
You are now in a position of new possibilities. You can EITHER continue doing as you have been doing and things will stay the same and get worse, OR you can allow change to happen.
Your Choice.
I chose AA and I am alive. I chose AA and I am married with four beautiful children. I chose AA and I have a rewarding career. I chose AA and I have a solid reason to get out of bed every day.
If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, you will find a better life.
The procedure is simple. 1) Don't drink today. 2) Get your self to today's AA meeting
Hi Mark; I'm Marc and I'm Alcoholic. Man O' Man... Been there done that and got the T-Shirt. Nowhere to run, Nowhere to hide and the bottle doesn't work any more. Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair. The end result of long periods of Alcohol/Drug Abuse. Hit some meetings and reach out. Get a Big Book and start reading it. It'll help you understand your condition and get started in recovery. If you have questions speak up!!
