Leave work early and grab a meeting and then another one right after that
Stay on top of it. Thats how I done it when I was in that situation. Hope that helps

I have to say the thought "if this is how bad it is today, whats it going to be like tomorrow, next week, next month? I cant live like this" does keep popping into my head.

Getting sober .. early sobriety can be very difficult. I speak from experience tho .. staying sober is alot easier than getting sober.

What are you willing to do to NOT take the first drink???

I went to meetings constantly when I could. I called other AAers including my sponsor and talked for hours. I prayed and prayed and asked God to help me get thru the hour by hour days that it was so ruff. I read AA literature.

Bottom line for me was ... if I wanted to get drunk more than Iwanted to stay sober , then I got drunk. When I wanted sobriety more than drunkeness .. I stayed sober. But - I certainly didnt do it alone.

The longer you go, the easier it gets. Never, ever a bad idea to go to a meeting. If anything it keeps you sober for 60 more minutes.

Hello Blacktile and welcome, I missed your first post (or don't remember it ).
We can't do this alone, it almost never works, that's why there is the Fellowship of
AA, because we all tried many times to do it ourselves and let me tell you, there are
a lot of folks in here with grit, determination, resolve, and will power who have achieved many great things, but couldn't quit drinking on our own.  I was a high bottom drunk, when you consider that I still had a job, a drivers' license, car, place to live, health, marriage... when I began this journey.  But I was all busted up on the inside and I used alcohol to hold it all together.  I was dependent on booze to make me look good, strong, together...   It was a cheap facade that many people saw right through. 

I tried many times, over the course of two years, to get sober, while attending meetings a few a week or skip a week here and there.  I never got past 3 months.  I got one month many times, two months twice.  I tried to live dual life, slipping in and out of meetings without many people getting to know me, and kept most of my friends, who of course drank.  I thought that most of the people in the AA meetings were sicker than me and that they obviously had lost their resolve, willpower, resolve and had given up.  I was right, they surrendered to the simple fact that they could no longer drink safely and they decided that,  one day at a time, they wouldn't pick up that first drink, because that is the drink that gets you drunk.

I would recommend that you call the AA number in your local phone book and talk to a recovering alcoholic (we're the only ones that answer those phones) just like you're talking to us here.  Tell them where your concerns or reluctance about going to meetings  resides.   Ask them about some good meetings to go to.  Some speakers meetings and beginners meetings.  Believe me this IS the easier and softer way.  You're at a juction in your drinking where, sooner or later (probably sooner), it's going to get a lot worse.    Do you need to lose your job,  license, place to live...  in order to convince you that you need help to get sober?  You can beat the odds and get sober before losing all but you've got to believe (have faith) in what we're trying to tell you here, about our own experiences, follow our footsteps and suggestions to have a successful outcome.  This isn't a time to be a trailblazer and make it happen on your own.  You're trying to navigate obstacles that you can't see, and the odds are much steeper than climbing Mt. Everest.   

We suggest, and most of us folks with more than a year, have gone to 90 meetings in 90 days.  Making it to 90 days is crucial as that is the time when our mental and physical chemical balance flattens out a bit as it's typically a real roller coaster ride (especially emotionally).  You're going to get a lot of imformation in this thread, consider   the similarities and realize that the folks responding had success stayhing sober when they did these things, and you will too.  Here's chapter 5 of the Big Book, that was read in the meetings that you attended.  Take a good look at the first sentence.  It's a guarantee for those who follow it. 

Chapter 5
How It Works

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. Thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now! Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon. Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas: (a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. (b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. (c) That God could and would if He were sought.

The thought "is it going to be like this tomorrow, all month, forever?".....that is what we would call your disease talking to you and trying to get you to drink. So are you going to listen to it? That is not you talking....I can promise you that. If it did not get easier, I would not still be sober. You need to practice being uncomfortable for a while. It's okay. During the first few months I literally had to tell myself "I am at work and I am ok," "I am driving home and I am okay," "I am am in a meeting and I am okay." My head was reeling so fast into the future and into different emotions... Just remember, you don't have to drink even if you want to. You don't have to be a slave to alcohol. The best gift I ever got in my life was to be free from that awful active addiction. Dig deep and pray, go to meetings, ask for help, get a sponsor and seize sobriety like you want it more than anything....If you don't do these things, you will likely not get it. If you do these things, your chances are pretty good. Any one of us would tell you we could not do this alone....4 days without a meeting makes me feel kinda batty now even...

Mark

Fell so far off the wagon its a fucking dot. What the fuck do I do to stop this? I'm in hell.

Just called the local AA and the guy said the same. I don't know if I've got the balls to do it. Scary. Tomorrow's hangover is going to be a real sore one. Supposed to be working.