so forgiving the monsters in my past meant letting go of the family members that still made me wrong and had no respect for my boundaries. i learned what love really was in recovery, that it was an action word. i can tell u love me by your action that supports it. Most importantly i learned that love makes me feel warm, fuzzy and safe..not cold and in dread and fear. the recovery from low self-esteem took a long time.. my self worth was rock bottom and the effects of all that had transpired in the past was crippling me. turning all this over was a relief and just doing the next right thing on a day to day basis got me through. i have accomplished things i would never have believed possible since i came into recovery, gone from a drifting couch surfer with the  chronic inablility to face responsibilities of life to a responsible single mom raising a son with some disabilities. His "team" of mental health proffessionals and teachers at the school he goes to say i have done a great job (he is 16 ) which is a pretty freakin nice validation to get (hehe)  there is lots that has happened in recovery that challenged me big time, its not always a good day and i am allowed to feel my feelings good and unpleasant..im grateful not to be emotionallly numb. my happiness runs extremely deep, small things like a summer storm and other nature stuff are so beautiful to me. i love my friends in recovery and especially my sponsor who has seen me through so much and taught me what loyalty  is and what it is to have someone really care means. thank u all for my recovery..Happy 24!