I Cant Escape

darkangel0258 · Newbie

I Cant Escape

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

I'm not quite sure what to say but I've been where you are. You've made a small beginning by coming here, but you need to do what you already know you need to do. Get yourself to a meeting, there are people who can help you there.

darkangel0258 · Newbie

I tried looking some up. But none sounded like they wanted me there. none looked appealng. and im too nervous to go.

the anxiety has driven me to the point of insomnia. i cant sleep. at all. today i had terrible sweats in 50 degree weather. and didnt even drink last night really. im nauseaous.

ugh.

the worst part is i feel like im stuff. and im screaming to anyone to help. family and "friends" and everyone just basicially laughs. im in the military. so its more of im a joke.

darkangel0258 · Newbie

Im really afraid of failing if i try to stop.

i have somewhat tried before. but i knew it was whatever and wasnt going to work.

cutting back just makes it worse. because then i think i can "splurge" and get super crazy every other night if theres sober nights in ebtween.

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Sounds like your coming up with all the reasons why you can't get yourself to AA instead of a willingness to do what it takes to get well. We call this living in the problem instead of the solution. Your diesase has you right where it wants you. Backed into a corner; with fear, doubt and insecurity. It has no defense against the program of AA and will do whatever it can to keep you from going. See we deal with a diesase that tells us we don't have one. Cunning, baffling and powerful.

It sounds like your at step 1: admitted we were powerless of alcohol- that our lives had become unmanagable. Your at a cross road: do you take another step toward getting well or another step toward a drink? If your choice is to get well: here's some info and telephone number for people that can help. Recovery starts with surrendering.

San Diego AA central office: (619) 265-8762- 24/7/365

www.aasandiego.org

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

darkangel0258 wrote:

Im really afraid of failing if i try to stop.

i have somewhat tried before. but i knew it was whatever and wasnt going to work.

cutting back just makes it worse. because then i think i can "splurge" and get super crazy every other night if theres sober nights in ebtween.

You probably will fail when you try like most of us did. Its the "trying again" that makes this program work. I hope you try and stop and are done with alcohol, but statistically that is not the case. What happens to most folks is they stop, their life gets better, they think they are not alcoholic, they start again and in short order, they are worse than they were. Then they stop again, life improves, and they actually see the link between a better life and no alcohol. Start the process by trying. Go to a meeting and get a sponsor.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Darkangel you're so overly concerned about yourself that you can't take the time to realize that all of us were just about exactly where you are when we were at the "jumping off point". Some of us much much worse, and some not as bad. What counts is what's going on between your ears. It's the voices that will get you. Why would you be more afraid to go to meetings and talk to folks just like us, than to stay at home and have to talk to the voices lol. You will make progress when the fear of staying sick is greater than the fear of getting well. you can do it. CAll your local AA number and speak to a recovering alcoholic about good meetings to go to in your area. If you ask, a couple of ladies will take you or meet you at a meeting so that you won't go alone. Basically you'll be going to meet folks just like you used to drink with except we've figured out how to live well and have fun without alcohol. Good luck in your new journey.

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Getting sober is not an "event", but a process. And to think that no one in AA would want you at a meeting is just your sick thinking trying to talk you out of letting go of the white-knuckle grip you have on the bottle. You have to want this badly enough to do whatever it takes. And all it takes is pretty simple, actually. Just find a meeting, take yourself there, and walk in. Keep doing that until you start "getting it". I speak from experience here. Sitting on my butt wishing I could get sober never did a darned thing for me but made my drinking even MORE miserable, if that was even possible. Because I didn't want to humble myself and get to a meeting early on, when I first found myself in your position, I had to go through a hell of a lot more trouble and anguish until I was beaten up by alcohol so badly--- run-in's with the law, violence, total abandonment by friends/family, no job... etc..... that I had NO other choice. I could have stopped sooner, but I had to keep losing and losing things until I almost lost my life. I hope you sto before you have to go through some of the stuff I did.

I hope you will take the good advice being offered here. There is a GREAT way of life and real true happiness available for you if you just pick up that phone, find a meeting and make a start.

Good luck to you!

leeu · MIP Old Timer

As Joni sez: Just find a meeting, take yourself there, and walk in. Keep doing that until you start "getting it". Just find a meeting, take yourself there, and walk in. Keep doing that until you start "getting it". Just find a meeting, take yourself there, and walk in. Keep doing that until you start "getting it". Just find a meeting, take yourself there, and walk in. Keep doing that until you start "getting it". Get it?

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

One of the problems with drinking in the military is that everyone is so young. 50 is ancient! Have you looked into on base help? Counseling? They may direct you to an off base AA meeting that has other military members attending that will make you feel more at home or you can find one away from base. Anyhow, try this site until you can get it together:
http://anonpress.org/bb/
Read this simple book and see if you do not fit in.
Tom

happycamper · MIP Old Timer

I had to be willing to do whatever it took ( and that meant doing what my sponsor suggested for the most part ) to stop drinking.

Until I realized that there really were ppl in AA who genuinely cared about me and wanted to help me I stayed drunk.

In your original post I felt like I knew you, cuz you were painting the picture of my life.
You are not alone and you can make it different. But you have to do it. Theres nothing magic about AA but it is miraculous however when we join, do the work, and eventually stay sober one day at a time and our lives get better.

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Hi There,

Just quessing here, are you living at Camp Pentelton, there is an Alano Club just up the Road from you, it would take about 25 minute to get there...

As has been said my so many, been there, done that, got the T-Shirt.....

I had to have death looking me in the face, I wanted it that way, when I instead asked a God of NOT my understanding, (long boring Catholic tale to that) but my complusion to drink was Over, and my ass was in a chair for the next two years everyday.....

Another of my favorite sayings is, First Dont drink, and most important, Dont THINK!. "My mind is like a real bad neighborhood, should never go there alone"

I live on the Coast in the northern San Diego area, so write to me if you want, and I can find many meetings for you, and THAT STUFF ABOUT THEM NOT WANTING YOU THERE, I give you a big promise here, that is coming from the bad neighborhood of just your own thinking dear.

YOu have proved to us that you are ONE of Us, so why not join us, it is work, but you will discover very soon that your worst day sober, still is far better than you best drunk ever......Start with Step One, breath it in, and look and see in the mirror how it looks on you, we are all Powerless over Alcohol, and always vigilent against one of the deadliest of diseases....Another guarantee.

Welcome dear, glad you had the courage to make that Post.....hope is not tooo far away.....

and hope never dies,

Hugs,

Toni

-- Edited by Just Toni on Wednesday 22nd of September 2010 02:51:48 PM

itsmichael · Veteran Member

Here's the question I heard in my ear the day I took my last drink. I'll ask it to you here now.

"Are you done?"

M