Others with more time will give you good advice here, but I will say you took a courageous first step by admiting that alcohol has made your life unmanageable.  Don't drink today and find a meeting and go.  Newcomers are welcomed with open arms.  Also get a copy of the Big Book or get online and start reading.  The "Doctors Opinion" will give you a good understanding of this disease.  Then keep reading.  But I can't stress enough that you should get yourself to a meeting today. 

God bless and good luck. 

Hi There Vividangel,

Welcome to our wonderful little family which, just by signing up for and stating that you have a real desire to not drink, you are now a part of this little family, and as far as venting, THIS is the place for venting, maybe moreso that AA meetings inasmuch as we have to limit our shares in meetings.

You stated that you would " just really like to get rid of this Disease of Alcoholism....all I can say to that is I have been in Recovery, one day at a time, for 20 years this Sunday, and that is 20 years of continuous abstinance from picking up a drink....that said, I will always be an alcoholic, always have this Disease, and we need always to be dilligent for there are pitfalls that can catch us, and we have learned over the years what to look out for.

First thing, ferrisdp said is so true, find an AA meeting and go to one first thing... you can look up AA in the phone book and they have a "hotline" that will direct you to where one would be close by....
Buy a Alcoholics Anonomous BIG Book and read the first 164 pages, you will gain a lifetime of knowledge in that book, and if you cant afford one, you will be given one.

If possible, if you can, raise your hand and state that you are a new person to the program, and this is your first meeting ever.....newcomers are the real "life blood of this program" and you are the most important person coming into that room.....

In our Program what we know so well is that we want to help the stuggling alcoholic, and help them gain the freedom from this deadly disease, and it is deadly, it has a progression to it that takes far more people lives than the ones that achieve sobriety....

Our first Step, "We admitted we were Powerless over Alcohol ........and our lives have become unmanagable"
(ringing a bell?) this surrender to this first Step must be taken completely and throughly for the following Steps can effectively be taken.

Finding a female, listening to the woman, and when you hear someone speak of having in her life what sounds like something you want to achieve down the road, ask her, in the interim, ask for a Temporary Sponsor, someone with at least a year or more to get her phone number and talking to her in private about how the program works.
When you first arrive at the meeting, you might not hear it the first time....most of us are fear ridden that very little can be heard, but then in a few meetings later, you will hear someone read "How it Works" that is read in every single meeting all over this country and around the world, pretty sure of the latter.

Make a personal commitment to going to 90 meetings in 90 days....if you can, that can give you a sense of following a Program that WILL save your life....

Of course dear, please understand every word of what I just wrote is only suggestive....

As far as you relationship problem or lack there of, I dont have a comment....

You have a Disease that is deadly, and AA can and has saved millions of lives, that would not have been saved for this Awesome Program we call Alcoholics Anonomous, a history which you find out all about in the reading of the Big Book I mentioned.
Prayers going up for you dear, hope so much that you stay and become one of us, venting and/or writing about  loving life, amd the gifts of Sobriety that was so freely given to us.

You are no longer ALONE, that I promise you dear new friend.  My name is Toni and I am an Alcoholic.

WELCOME!   WELCOME! ....WELCOME!  

-- Edited by Just Toni on Monday 6th of September 2010 07:27:00 PM

Aloha Angel and welcome to MIP also.  I relate to your share especially of really
wanting "it" to go away and first I had to understand what "it" was.   Coming to
that understanding mean't following the first instructions I got when getting into
the program which was come into the meeting room...all the way in, sit down, all
the way down, listen, learn and practice, practice, practice. Oh...that also came just
about the same time as seperate myself from all things alcoholic in my life.  That
was the big maneuver however the desire to having "it" go away was very strong so
I just blindly did what I was told.  Like a good alcoholic I thought that if the idea
and the behavior was a bad one I could always patch it up later.   I thought at one
time that I was going to have the disease surgically removed if it was to be removed
at all.

Alcohol ruins lives.  Understatement.  We come to understand that that is the best
it does for us and our fellows in recovery as we help and support each other into
sobriety, which for me isn't only about not drinking.  More will be revealed.

I am also a good person who does completely unacceptable things after the first
drink.  You are not alone.  We are legion.  Alcohol takes control and robs me of it
and when I loose control I get angry and rage at people, places and things; all kinds
of people, places and things.  When I am out of control special people arrive to bring
me back into their control so that I can regain my control and then...I would drink
again and the merry-go-round music starts again...round and round and round.

You're in the right place cause this is where all the insanity ends if you become
willing and honest with yourself.  Lots of very solid sober people here who know
many different alternatives to life other than drinking.  So take the suggestions.
The Big Book is 8 bucks...less than several shots and if you read it without shots
the outcome is marvelous...no blurry vision, out of control anger and rage, no
physical acting out, no legal complaints, introduction to cops and judges you never
intended to meet in the first place and no outside controls on your life...freedom.
Oh and freedom from hangovers and financial shorts.  The meetings are free of
cost because we are sole self supporting from individual contributions...If you ain't
got a contribution you ain't got one and no one is gonna slip you a tab.  You will
get talk at a meeting you will mostly never hear in a bar...the bs will stop mostly
and you will get ESH that will bring you to sanity...living life on life's terms rather
than on The Captains, or Jose's, or Mr. Beams or yes even a Wild Turkey.  God
my life is quiet now that those people and animals are gone.  Free at Last!!

So keep coming back and listen to the others who already love you who will drop
in to tell you what's going on with them.   Thanks for the opportunity to remember
why I'm alive today.    (((((hugs)))))