Hi, Im Carly and Im an Alcoholic. 26 years old. July 27 was my first birthday. I had no knowlege that I was an alcoholic, because I was raised by a meth addict and two alcoholics. I didnt know anyone was sober. two years ago my father died of complications of alcoholism.. liver failure, he was 49. To mourn his death we drank. For whatever reason, none of my family nor I could drink enough to catch the slightest buzz. At some point it occured to me that drinking was the only thing my father and I could agree on. I felt that night, despite his disposition while alive of " I aint dyin' and if I do Im gonna go with a beer" he would have changed his mind if he knew the humiliation and pain that really awaited him. I had a three month old son and did not want to put him through the pain I felt over the loss of the strongest, sanest person in my life. Yet I continued to drink. I got a job at a recovery center for native women and their children (at the time I thought it was quite funny). I had to take them to open meetings. The first night I had to step out to cry so my clients wouldnt see me. I avoided taking them back for some time, until I had to. The second meeting I realized that I was so upset by the first because I was headed down the road my father took as a "functioning" alcoholic straight into an early grave. I got a sponsor, stayed sober 5 months, relapsed, started over and am curently stuck. I live in a very small town one woman sponsors in the local meeting. I clash with her, we work close and I am constantly irritated by her.. my sponsor could help me overcome this if it didnt have to be her. I stopped seeing her after she lashed out at my husband in a meeting for doing his job. (he works at a mens rehab) Some things that are not good for me have gone on in these meetings over the past 6 months, so I dont go very often. Anyway its an hour drive to the next closest meeting . I want to work steps and have a sponsor. I need meetings. I crave them, Im just not fulfilled by whats available to me. Is this a viable substitute? can I have a sponsor online? I dont know, Im relatively new at this and the past six months have been a struggle everytime someone in my family pulls a cold beer from the ice chest at a dinner. Especially this summer. Thats all I used to be.. drunk.. Im dry, Im abstaining, but Im not working, not recovering. I need help I know I cant do it on my own. Also my place of employment offers me no help. none of the counselors are in recovery. few have ever picked up. any advice?
This is not a great substitute, but if helps a lot. I would make the drive to the other AA meeting at least a couple times a week...and go to the local 1 a couple times a week. Don't let that woman who was your sponsor bother you. Recovery and that meeting belong to you as much as her and anyone else there. I do know people who have crossed the same sex boundary and have opposite sex sponsors...It can work but you REALLY have to trust the person and be on a platonic level that is obvious to both of you. You can also have a female sponsor that lives out of town and do most of your work via the phone....that could work too.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I am proof positive that internet sponsoring works. I am sure it is not recommended as a replacement for f2f contact, but it will work.
I too live in a small community with very few females in the meetings, and if they are there, there isnt any sobriety among them. I live in an area where many rely on meetings to keep them sober and dont use the program, God, sponsors or steps to experience the real deal of AA.
Glad you are sober, and glad you are working on finding a solution to your dilemma. Pinkchip and happycamper both have good ideas. Something will work out for you.
Aloha Carlyjo...I don't know how confident you feel in your recovery yet and then with the help of HP and others what might work for you is to start another meeting in your town. You can make it a plan to do in the near future or just talk to some of the others and ask for support like you've done here. That is how help comes...ask first and don't try to control the outcomes.
Can I suggest it? I suggest what I have experience with. There wasn't a meeting for guys when I was in early recovery so I started one that lasted for 19 years and then passed while I returned home. My current home meeting started because we needed something for membership who had trouble attending weekday evenings and days so a couple of guys and I started AA by the Bay which is now both Saturday and Sunday mornings at slightly different times. Attendance is both local and visitor from all over the planet. The meeting is strongly spiritual and right on the edge of the Pacific. Our normal attendance varies between 45 and more. AA at the Bay is now over 16 years old.
Think about it. "When anyone anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA to always be there and for that...I am responsible." The hand reaching out and the hand reaching in could be the same hand. Good luck and keep coming back to MIP.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 4th of September 2010 06:27:00 PM
