Had an interesting discussion with my oldest daughter yesterday. We were talking about a high school principal/football coach who had his second brush with the law. Dui, driving down a one way street the wrong way. I said he needs to get it together since he is a mentor for young kids. She said "mom, you did the same thing". Due to my shame and remorse for what I did 2 dui's I usually dont say anything back. I said "Erin, just because I made a mistake which I have paid the consequences for doesn't mean I don't have a opinion on that." Now to me the guy needs some help and like us all will suffer his consequence. Half the town just think lay off him, he just got caught. But I know what I did all those years were so very wrong, and finally have changed due to the program. Now my question is, am I being a hypocrite (sp) because but for the grace of God, there go I. My thinking is soooo different 2 1/2 years later and I can see how drinking makes you do crazy things. I did alot of crazy myself. I now know they are wrong. Am I wrong to voice my opinion??? . Now Im not shouting it from the highest hill but I want my daughter to know that wrong is wrong. She thinks im being judgemental.
Hey SUSIE! YUP ,kids are a trip,,,,,my son would always bring up things I did when I would be talking with him about what he is doing.(24 year old heroin addict)Well dad ,your a christian,but you still gamble,You spent 25 years in addiction,you were using foul language when you were mad,and on and on..Part of our process in recovery is forgiveness(accompanied by remorse,repentance of others and ourselves)worked through out steps (8/9 making a list,making direct amends)taking our inventory(10 each day) to not go back to where we were, turning our lives over to care of God(by making a decision)seeking a better way through prayer and meditation and to realize through our personal inventories,our ability (with God's guidance) to share that with another all keep us moving forward(4/5).Just as some of us are sicker than others,it takes some longer than others to reach a state of practising spiritual principles in their lives(some never make it..By living by our actions "in the solution, projecting through our lives to others(our children ,peers etc)we are well enabled to feel comfortable knowing ,yes we did do some of those things,we wished we found the way out sooner,but by sharing about it now, we may reach someone else(our primary purpose to reach the still sick and suffering) before they have to spend the time "out on the tiles"(25 years)We have been brought out of the muck and mire by God's grace and we carry the message by our actions,and to the best of our ability work a process that accounts and allows us to look back,be remorseful,move forward,accounting each day for our behavior and seeking that knowlege to improve our concious contact with the God of our understanding.Our honesty with others is the best antidote to our diseased thinking.I am not proud of things I did in active addiction and I do not stand on a pulpit preaching "the new way" but I work very hard ,every day with gratitude,thanksgiving and petition to "live my life" as being all my Higher Power intended me to be,at the least ,a responsible,God centered person who has been given grace and mercy to make it through the storm.All the literature and words are "meaningless" unless our actions through how we live our lives show it.You are a person in recovery ,sharing your ESH and not only carrying the message to your children but to care enough for the 'one that is still out there...Lets reach them "sooner than later!! This is my stuff ,,,,,Have a blessed day!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Wow Mikef, you hit the nail square on for me. All I can say is "yeah! like mike said lol. Thank you so much for your response. Makes me feel stronger with the understanding of the steps and makes me feel so much gratitude for this new way of life!!!! Thank you, thank you , thank you!!!
Sue...I had to learn to respond with the short answer which was, "Yeah you're right" and not take the finger point personal I owned it and...I had opinions which were not of a moral nature because alcoholism isn't a moral issue...it's a disease. After 2.5 years of sobriety, "how do you like me now?" and then stand by again. Maybe the person who goes to touch the coach will be a recovering alcoholic just like Bill and Bob taught. I know from experience that service is a great amends and that service also quells the jitters of how it use to be for me. If you want a great discussion to listen to (listen mostly) ask your daughter what the drinking years were like for her and encourage her to bring it all out into the sunlight. Might as well let all the healing start.
((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 2nd of September 2010 05:27:28 PM
Well, wrong is wrong, whether you did it or he did it. You aren't defending your own actions, you are simply stating that people need to be accountable for their actions just as you were. You also expressed a hope that he will "get it together"--you weren't advocating tarring and feathering and running him out of town on a rail!
Kids love to debate, and love to catch their parents in what they like to think of as a trap. LOL, they don't realize yet we are STILL wiser and more experienced than they are, regardless what we've done (and maybe in part BECAUSE of what we've done).
-- Edited by Lexie on Thursday 2nd of September 2010 05:30:48 PM
Well your point of getting it together for he is mentoring younger kids. Had some merit to it...
He needs to get help, just like all of us had to get....hope like someone said, hope it will be a sober alcoholic....
DUI classes these days demand classes and monitored AA Meetings, at least they do here in California...so hope is maybe right around the corner for your daughter couch...hope so...
Yes, stand by your own convictions, also what Jerry saiid, when she brought that up might be a perfect time to have a heart to heart with her on how she feels now, and what it was like then....just like Jerry said, might be a wonderful time for some healing for you both...