been back out for 2 years :(

MissT · Member

been back out for 2 years :(

louisa · Senior Member

(((MissT)))
WELCOME BACK.
Here's a (((HUGE HUG))) for you.........
Yes, HE will help you.
A prayer on its way right now!
Much love,
Louisa xx

mikef · MIP Old Timer

WELCOME(((((((HUGS))))))),, Prayers and blessings for reminding you of "how it works'!!!!! smile

jj · MIP Old Timer

keep coming back Miss T, find people at the AA meeting and get their phone numbers, you know the routine. get back in touch with your higher power, he is just waiting "for the word"
Help. we love you.
jj

susanbiel · Veteran Member

(((MissT))) Glad you made it back. Prayers for healing body and mind. Get a meeting schedule; you know what you need to do. smile

Susan B

Reffner · Senior Member

Glad you made it back. Most don't. It sounds like you know what you need to do, but I can relate to how hard it can be. Just remember, you have many people that want to help you...myself and the other members of MIP included. Keep posting, and keep doing the right thing one day at a time.

Your in my prayers...

Brian

SUSIE · Senior Member

Awww Miss T... i hear it in your words that you are making the right decision. Welcome and my prayers to you.

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Miss T, welcome back! You helped me today. You will also help a great number of people in future with your experience. Sounds like you have a solid understanding of the program... now it's time to take action. Pain can be a great motivator and I hope you've had enough. It took me 3+ years of bouncing in and out to finally surrender and accept that I was an alcoholic. Your not unique; I here your story many times over at meetings.

As a reminder; don't drink, go to a meeting and ask for help. Let the fellowship pick you up and love you until you can love yourself again.

Please keep posting here and help us stay sober.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha MissT...You'll be helping others in the rooms also when you pop in and tell them
they were absolutely right...It doesn't work!! Any resistance (fear/depression) you
have that might make you procrastinate let go of. You were right the first time in
and are now more convinced. Welcome back and thanks for supporting my own
resolve. Today you are the teacher. ((((hugs)))) smile

MissT · Member

thanks all to has responded...I went to the 1:00 meeting..lots of familar faces and lots of new faces..when I said hey..I'm Toni and I'm an....several said Hey Toni..thought that was you, etc.

I picked up my white chip..spoke briefly because there was a newcomer..1st AA meeting..I shared only a little but did tell her...this is a disease, and my disease told I could handle it again...after almost 5 years sober..now 2 years later, I'm starting over. Cunning, baffling and powerful.

thanks for the much needed support to get me thru the morning until I could hit that meeting. And give my added prayers, because I have alot to pour out...going to wait until my husband gets home...so he can do it for me. Don't want to take the chance. There is a meeting at 5:30..same place and I'm going.

thanks again for everyone who took the time to respond to me..

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Great start! Sounds like you're already taken action and helping others. Willingness is such a huge part of sobriety and recovery. wink

Lexie · Senior Member

Welcome back, and nice going, talking to the newcomer!

Glad you made it back.

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Much love you YOU, Miss T!!!!

I too am a re-tread. I absolutely wish you well, and am sending prayers up for you right now....

You said something I could absolutely identify with, and have not thought about in quite some time.....

" all I want to do is get out of here and just go to bed." That hits the nail on the head, and is exactly where I was at for YEARS in my active alcoholism. I was in so much mental (and even physical) pain all the time, I could not cope with everyday feelings and stress. I wanted to hide in bed, or on the couch with the television desperately trying to run away from life. Feelings feelings feelings.... so many of them, and in such great quantity, and such negative ones... fear, self-loathing, apprehension, anxiety, anger, resentment, sullenness, sadness, self pity... 24 hours a day, round the clock, without any reprieve. Until I would get good and drunk, and only then would I be "relieved" for a very short time, just to feel MORE horrible the next day. Relationships fallen apart all around me. Hiding and pretending and blaming and feeling sorry for myself, and angry with myself. Paranoid about it all, 24/7, 365.

I so needed to see this, you have kept me sober another day.

I have been back on the horse again for just under 2 months. I have plunged into AA with my whole entire being. I do work and I am also in school full time (again), play music and paint canvases. But somehow I find the time to make AA my #1 priority, and over the past 2 months, it has been an incredible release. In a very short time, the principles are at work again in my life, and the promises are already coming true. Though I feel at times like I am burning the candle at both ends, I am blessed because I was right where you are at just a few short months ago, and the change in that short time as a "re-tread" has been unbelievable. There are now not enough hours in the day to accomplish all the things I want to do. And I am usually doing them with a smile, and without concern or worry about tomorrow. I have again been relieved of the alcoholic obsession one day at a time, through working the steps, going to meetings and picking up other women here and there who can't drive. That is my way of giving back right now and it is all working for me. And it can and will work for you if you saddle up and get back on the horse, FULLY.

My prayers go out for you, and I encourage you to do what you KNOW works. Action. I look forward to seeing you get better just as I am!!!

Love and hugs and great understanding,
Joni

Dave Harm · Senior Member

Hi Miss T,

Wow... your story is mine. I too had just over five years sobriety and threw it away. After that time, I honestly convinced myself that I wasn't an alcoholic and I could manage my drinking. Well, it worked for a little while and then my need for alcohol won out.

And like you I stayed away for two years. By the time I made it back to the rooms, I had created new lows and found new pains I knew could have imagined.

This sobriety started for me on September 4, 1994. That's right, this Saturday I will celebrate my 16th year of sobriety. And I can say it is a celebration. I needed that two year slip to show me without any doubts that I was indeed an alcoholic.

When I started this sobriety, I looked at those first five years and saw where I created some red flags. The first one was that I admitted to being an alcoholic, but this time I accepted it. The first time I still tried to find ways to maybe someday be able to drink. This time with acceptance, I know there is no other way... just a day at a time.

Next was the 12 Steps. The first time I never really did them. I read them and looked at them but never really embraced them. This time I did and they have become a way of life for me.

And finally was my Higher Power. I never had one the first time and this time I struggled with the concept for quite awhile, but I also knew that if I wanted to remain sober I NEEDED to get one. I needed Someone I could call my best friend and Someone I could trust 100% of the time.

For me, those were the three reasons I slipped.... but today I am grateful for that slip because it was a necessary part of my journey...

In my thoughts and prayers,
Dave

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey Miss T,
Update please? Is the plow still in the furrow? This is a tough time. Your 2 year old patterns and the cunnung will of your and my demon are at their wordt RIGHT NOW. Surrender, work the steps and make it day by day.
Tom

MissT · Member

very grateful this morning...made it to the 5:30 meeting..felt relieved, got home poured out Vodka, and rum, while in the presence of my husband.

Was very antzy trying to fix dinner, as my routine is to drink while cooking. That was hard. Got thru dinner, and all of a sudden my skin was crawling, itchin like crazy. Thought I would never get to sleep. Just laid there and prayed, thanking my HP of keeping me sober today and making it until bedtime.

First thoughts this morning was geared to what meeting I'm goin to today after work, and then prayed to help me stay sober today. I even fixed COFFEE this morning! Usually the first thing I would drink in the mornings was a cold Pepsi, to settle my stomach..ya know because I would fix dinner, but not eat it. That cup of coffee tasted purity good!

Thanks for responding and wanting a update, will check back in a little while. This is my busy day at work, so will come back in and catch up later on.

thanks again everyone, love to all
Toni aka Miss T

Reffner · Senior Member

That's fantastic Miss T! It's great to have you back with us, and not living a life of insanity. I will continue to keep you in my prayers!

Brian

MissT · Member

thank you so much...talked with my old sponser a few minutes ago..she is meeting me at a meeting tonight.

She is tough as nails..love her. Her motto..is "anything after but...is bullshit" and of course...first thing she ever had me to do..with go to page 112 in the big book and read the first 3 words of the page...and then she said.."do it"!

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Welcome Back Home dear,

Have to say, I dont know your sponsor, but I can tell you I love her, the tough as nails sponsor I had sounded just like that, no but.... got that one really fast, she saved this manipulative as hell person into someone you could have a stright conversation with with out the people please bs...

So happy you are back, stay really close to your old sponsor.
sounds like mine, and she sured saved my butt from going out ever again.

Love and hugs,

Toni

Pablomoses · Senior Member

Welcome back, glad you made it back........you helped me today with your share.
That MIP can happen for us all!!
Hugs and prayers for you and yours.....

texasmama · Newbie

"ya know because I would fix dinner, but not eat it"

Wow, I'm not the only one huh? the drinking while cooking but not eating because it would sober me up some. Wow. That is exactly what I do. Thank you for sharing!

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Hi there and welcome back!

As others have said, you've helped me stay sober today. Thanks for your share. You've reminded me that we have a disease. You've reminded me that it's a disease wants to tell us that we don't have it.

Just TODAY some guys at work were talking about beer and for one nanosecond I did think - I miss that.

I don't of course, I'm powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. It was gone, fast, but it was there.

Like you say, cunning, baffling, powerful. Thanks for reminding me just HOW cunning, etc, it is. And thanks for being here.

Keep coming back. :)

Steve