I wish I could stop drinking.

aprilleaves · Veteran Member

I wish I could stop drinking.

aprilleaves · Veteran Member

This should be a new AA saying to help people quit drinking.

"My beer farts are killing me right about now, which is really making me re-think my plans. I will not drink any alcohol. Never again. A skunk smells better that what just came out my ass. Whew! Dear God, that was bad, everyone clear the room. LOL. I have to go poop now. Really I have to leave. I need to go to another room. I think I better go back to the bathroom again before I shit my pants. Like, right now."

-- Edited by aprilleaves on Monday 23rd of August 2010 11:39:27 PM

angelov8 · MIP Old Timer

Thank you for reminding me how bad it was. Alcoholism for me was when I realized I wanted to stop drinking because the effects were no longer beneficial and actually very harmful and causing me to live in more suffering, but despite saying and wanting to stop-I could not, no matter how much I tried.

Learning to live sober is hard at first, but simple through the steps of AA. Life is totally different and GOOD now. I am happy to report that the bulk of my anxiety was relieved by sobriety, and fairly early on. I recently heard someone in a meeting use the word agoriphobic to describe themselves in the end of their drinking days. I dislike labels but the truth is that I was so out of my mind with constant anxiety that I hated to leave the house even to go to the grocery store and agonized about going outside 20 feet from my front door to check the mail( I feel so sick and hungover, will my neighbors come over and I'll have to talk to them, they'll see I'm a mess, what the heck do I have on, do I have to dress up to go outside, I can't get it together to get out of sweats, It will take all my energy just to get to and through work, thank god I still have a job, but how long can I keep carrying this load, etc.....endlessly). I would hide in the bathroom if anyone looked like they might be coming up the walkway and my phone was rarely on, because I couldn't deal with answering it.

My anxiety has long been a go-to response to situations and I can fall into it because I've spent so much of my life doing it, I thought that's just who I was.
When it crops up, I now have the tools to deal with it and all of life so I can get busy enjoying things.

Try the twelve step program: it's free to all who have a desire for it and it works.
Simple and yes, scary, at least for me, who couldn't imagine going to meetings. I'm eternally grateful I was willing to try and jump in.

Hope to hear from you again, best wishes and HUGS!

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Aprilleaves...The official definition of alcoholism is 1. a complusion of the
mind and 2. an allergy of the body.    Your mind is telling you to drink even though
your spirit is saying I'm done and at the sametime your body is saying "you're gonna
pay heavy for it."   This is a fatal disease and you maybe getting closer to that but
are not there yet. For me one of the simple thoughts that helped me stay sober
was "there's no rule that says I gotta...(drink)". That one helped because I use to
hang with alot of drinkers and come from alcoholism on both sides of my family so
I thought I had to because they did but I was wrong. It took me a long time to
own up to being alcoholic for many reasons but with the help of both programs,
Al-Anon and AA I entered AA and owned my seat. My allergic reaction (one of them)
was a pale yellowish/green tinge on my skin...lasted for 5 years after I stopped
drinking. It was because alcoholism can put dark circles around your eyes, cause
you to both bloat and bleed, make you hurt at the kidneys, take away your vision
and leave you with ringing in the ears and more and yes turn me yellowish/green.
Why yellowish/green...when I drank alcohol would anestethize me and I would loose
the urge to urinate even after drinking for hours and so my body had to store the
urine somewhere right?...inside the cells under my skin. Thats enough of my
story...I'm here and am glad you're here and I'll make a suggestion which was
given to me when I started recovery.   Call the AA hotline in your town and get the
meeting places and times for everyone that is in reach for you. Go early and get
literature and take a seat as near the table or podium as you can and with a very
open mind....listen, listen, listen. They will be talking about sobriety which isn't the
same as just not drinking. Sobriety is very different and will arrive later. Don't
drink before the meeting so that you don't miss getting phone numbers of gals
who are sober and will support you from the wish to stop drinking into the desire
to stay sober.   I wish you luck and I hope you take the suggestion. Living alcohol
free one day at a time, for me, now, is better than blackouts, toxic shocks, poor
mental, emotional, physical health and all the other losses I use to earn. Welcome
to MIP...(((hugs))) smile

Lexie · Senior Member

Hi, aprilleaves,

I remember feeling the constant dread and loathing of facing each day, knowing I'd just HAVE to keep doing what I was doing--drinking--simply to feel OK. I used to wish all the time that I just wouldn't want to drink. It was wearing me down in so many ways--physically, mentally, and emotionally. It didn't make SENSE any more to drink, but I kept doing it. Any time I wasn't drinking I felt like I was having one constant panic attack (I later learned it was withdrawal that was causing the panic/anxiety symptoms).

I wasn't willing to do what had to be done until I was simply "done" with drinking. For me, that was the day I had to have someone drive me home from work because the withdrawal was making me so sick I couldn't drive.

I don't know how many meetings you've been to, but I suggest you go and listen to the experience of others. See if you identify with how they felt about their drinking. It IS progressive and it WILL get worse, but you can stop the madness when you are ready to do that.

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Thanks for keeping me sober another day. You have reminded me WHEN I...
a) admitted I was an alcoholic and saw that my life had become unmanageable. It was. I lived to survive long enough to get me from drunk to drunk and when that became tedious I didn't even want to survive.

You have reminded me HOW I...
a) sought medical attention for my emotional disorders
b) sought counseling to understand my life and my addictions as well as learning to live with myself
c) went to AA
d) came to believe that a power greater than me could help me if I was willing to accept It.

Peace,
Rob

Reffner · Senior Member

It's been my experience that when the true, honest desire to stop drinking is there, action can and will be taken. When the pain becomes unbearable, a willingness comes. The first step is to surrender to the fact that we are alcoholics, and that alcohol takes away any manageability we may have had in the past. It's about honesty...with ourselves and a power greater than ourselves. It's about letting a power greater than ourselves take us and do for us what we have NO hope of doing for ourselves. Me and millions of others are proof that it can be done. When I finally got tired of trying to do it my way and failing, I tried it their way, and it works. No one in AA is qualified to tell you if your an alcoholic or not, and should never do so. No one in AA should claim that AA is the only way...it's not. No one in AA who has an understanding of how it works will offer you any advice. We offer suggestions based on our personal experiences. We can offer you hope, and an unconditional love, even after you learn to love yourself. As a fellowship we offer you our strength...the strength of thousands just like you. We are here to help you learn how to live a life sober, and better than you you ever imagined in your wildest dreams. Most importantly we are here to help you learn how to live a life free from king alcohol.

Why not give AA a try? It sounds like you have nothing to lose. You will find there are real people out there that care weather or not you drink. You will find people willing to talk and help you get past the hard times. The best place to start is a meeting, or the AA hotline. If you decide to attend a meeting, go with an open mind and open ears. Listen for what you have in common with the folks there, instead of the differences. Be honest, and willing to try some suggestions.

Good luck, and God bless...

Brian

Dave Harm · Senior Member

The worst feeling in the world for me was realizing that I could no longer live life with alcohol... but I also couldn't imagine life without it.

For me, alcohol gave me that feeling of comfort that I could not generate inside myself... even during insanity it still provided a little serenity. I HAD to find happiness and peace within me before I could move on because without that spiritual aspect I was constantly searching for peace in a can of beer...

hayestracey · Member

try 90 meetings in 90 days i went to AA in the beginning for my family because i didnt think much of myself to go for me at that point, it took time alot of time. i did not get into that state of mind over night so it took quiet a while for the fog to lift

ask yourself do you really want to keep torturing yourself, hating yourself, killing yourself with alcohol, it has the power to destroy you, you deserve better.

if you can admit you are powerless and your life is unmanageable thats the first step
i was young when i came into recovery, i regretted losing all those yrs but ive got back so much more since i came into AA, more that words can say. i will never please god one day at a time give myself to alcohol again!

jj · MIP Old Timer

hi April,
then stop wishing and start doing.
call your county about a 30 day rehab. getting out of your normal routine and going where you can be safe while drying up. you need lots of water and nutrition. and talking to someone who knows what you are going through. that was my experience and that helped me start working on the steps and finding my HP.
jj

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Hello Aprilleaves! thanks for sharing from your heart...We have to remember that our disease involves much more than just drinking alcohol!,so recovery must involve much more than just abstinence(you do need to surrender and put the drink down ).Recovery then becomes an active change in our ideas and attitudes.You can find"a new way to live" but it will take honesty ,openmindedness and willingness to follow direction,take suggestions and do some work...Come join us in a life"so much better than even before we first picked up our first drink.!!Hope to hear more from you and we are here in support! smile

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Hey April,
EEEEEEwwwwwwwwwww gross. However, thats what alcoholism is. Stop drinking by going to meetings and following the steps. Your world will fall into place, and then you can stay in the same room as your farts. Its all good.
Tom

SUSIE · Senior Member

Turninggrey.....Thanks I was wondering if I was the only one who was thinking ewwww grosssss! lol I guess we all share differently! Stick around April, there is alot of help on this board.

happycamper · MIP Old Timer

Yes, definately very gross.

But yeah, if ya stick around April , you might live long enough to realize that this thing called alcoholism is serious business and for a real alcoholic like me its a matter of life and death.

All those beer farts and getting the 'runs' will go away if one is capable of losing the selfish, self centered fear and follow the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Doctors write prescriptions for anti-anxiety and anti-depression pills every day.

Me, I prefer to use the 12 steps and the God I found in them to keep me happy , joyous, free, healthy and on the road to a much better life than what I had while drinking.

Reffner · Senior Member

happycamper wrote:

Me, I prefer to use the 12 steps and the God I found in them to keep me happy , joyous, free, healthy and on the road to a much better life than what I had while drinking.

Me too camper. I've tried all the pills, therapy, and head shrinking, and found that when I honestly gave 100% to God and recovery, that was all I needed. For me, the side effects of practicing a good 12 step program are far, FAR better than the side effects I got from the alternative.

Brian

aprilleaves · Veteran Member

By the Grace of God I found a book downstairs where I lived, which is called the Big Book 4th addition. I took it and read some of the book. Some Good stuff in there. I keep reading the big book. It's helped already.

Lexie · Senior Member

Huh, no kidding? What's the name of the book again?

Good, keep reading, and go to a meeting. SOON.

-- Edited by Lexie on Tuesday 31st of August 2010 11:00:36 PM