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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> washing machine head and everything else
Post Info TOPIC: washing machine head and everything else
slugcat


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washing machine head and everything else
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I am angry i hate addictions. I am worried about a food addict and i feel theres no where to really talk about it. I tried a coda meeting today i was hoping to hear someone speak about having an addict in their life and didnt hear that.
I dont know what to do. I am going nuts. I am reading alanon book from when my hubbys drinking was worse.

hubby still drinks bt but doesnt seem like an alki i dont know. I go to a AA meeting and he goes and gets cans of cider. he used to get really drunk not now though only one or two or three cans. But he wont go without for even a few days. My sponsor thinks he has a problem but i dont see how someone can have one or two and have a problem. When he drinks though it can annoy me, like when i go to an AA meeting and he gets merry that is annoying and upsets me. He doesnt get wasted now days he used to, and he used to drink every day pissed on the way home. Not so much now. Only one can or sometimes two on the way home. He used to say he only had that amount before but he seems less drunk now, more just like i can smell it so maybe it is only one or maybe it was more before and he lied. Maybe he has got a problem or not. I dont know.I know it upsets me because when he drinks while i am at AA that presses my buttons.


I am really angry at the OE i am worried about. Im sick of his lies and sick of everything. I dont want to worry anymore. He lied to me and said he doesnt like OA but hes never been, he tried GA once and didnt like the meetings. I want to scream.
I didnt scream. And I didnt say I was worried, usually our conversation goes like this, me: Im worried about you. Him: Oh no need to worry about me.
I didnt say it and then he started telling me all these things hes doing to look after himself and i thin its lies. I want to tell him I dont want to know anymore. Because its all lies. He such a damn liar. and i am stupid because i used to beleive them.

Hes ill and he still smokes and he tells me he quit but i can hear him suck on the smoke over the phone and i want to tell him that i am going to hang up next time because i dont want to know. This is NOT being picky. He can hardly breathe puffy and breathless hes morbidly obese and I dont want to hear him when he smokes. I already seen my gran die that way and i lived with her and had to watch it all. And i dont want to anymore.

I need to get to a meeting i tried coda and i will try alanon though i dont feel its ok to go to alanon and speak about my OE relative. So i feel i got nowhere to go and get this stuff out.

If i dont deal with this stuff I am going to end up drinking cause i cant handle this emotional pain and my washing machine head is driving me nuts.

I need a sponsor who can help me with this stuff. not my AA sponsor but another also who knows about alanon or OA anon (if there is such a thing i cant find it).

I cant drink. I hate addiction right now i hate it and I hate it so much. I cant sleep.



-- Edited by slugcat on Sunday 22nd of August 2010 08:13:47 PM

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Reffner


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Other than your feelings, how is this affecting you? Have you tried the serenity prayer? Courage to change the things we can... all I can change is me. Wisdom to know the difference...I know that all I can change is me. I need to keep MY side of the street clean and not worry about the garbage in other peoples yards. May I suggest reading pg 417 (4th edition) in the BB? I know it's difficult to accept when people we care about are hurting themselves, but today I am one of those people I care about, and all I can do about me is change. Prayer and acceptance might just be the answer your looking for.

But that's just me...

Brian



-- Edited by Reffner on Sunday 22nd of August 2010 08:21:07 PM

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Ruadh gu brath
slugcat


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HI thank you I am doing the serenity prayer. It helped me a lot today. I will go try calm down now. I would feel safer if i knew i could take this worry about OE to a meeting and get help about it like an alanon meeting but for OE but i try looking not seen one maybe one will turn up.


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Lexie


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You might try looking for Co-Dependents Anonymous.

Or, since you ARE affected by your husband's drinking, go to Al-Anon. Obviously, the issues with regard to dealing with an overeater are slightly different, but we used to have members of Al-Anon share about drug addicts in their families, too. The same tools of detachment are applicable.

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Lexie
    ~ one breath at a time
louisa


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(((Slugcat)))

I used to go through a similar situation with my flatmate ....as in....is he an alcoholic or isn't he? I used to drive myself insane with it.  He (usually) only has a small amount of alcohol but he drinks every night.  There is not a night he doesn't drink and he changes from a nice person into a not so nice one.  I still have not figured out whether he is or isn't one and a friend said to me....why are you bothering .....why do you need to know wehther that label applies to him?

Me knowing whether he is or isn't changes nothing. His behaviour is the same. I have a choice to continue renting with him or not. I have used alanon techniques with him...sometimes more successfully than others biggrin ....have exploded occasionally! oops! I am human !!!!!!

Re your OE friend. This may seem harsh but I had to to get rid of certain people in my life......I mean no longer have any contact with them.  They were dragging me down and manipulating me ......and I was having to use so much energy dealing with that and trying to stop it that it was affecting my own recovery and my ability to be happy, joyous and free. It was really really dragging me down and I grew to hate a particular person's whinging. I could take no more. I had allowed this person to almost lean on me......and suck the energy out of me.  I finally phoned her one day and (oh God it was one of the hardest things i had ever done)........and I told her that

"I am sorry but I can no longer manitain contact with you. I am not helping you.....infact I am in a sense holding you back. I am too close to you as a friend to be any help to your recovery and your life is at risk and I cannot deal with it anymore. I love you but for for my own wellbeing too I cannot have you in my life anymore. I need all my energies for my own recovery program which is the only one I have any power over".

I felt dreadful doing it Slugcat, but when the chips are down, my sanity and sobriety comes before anything and anyone - however close they are to me.  It has to.

This is only what I had to do and it may be totally wrong for you - only you will know that.  I grew to hate this woman.......considered her a leech.......that attitude was no use to either of us.  I don't know if she is dead or alive today but I HAD to break contact at that time.  I have no regrets now.....but felt sick at the time......but also a tremendous sense of relief and freedom.

Sending you lots of love
Louisa
xx


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slugcat


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HI thanks i am sorry for whining a lot on this forum.
I went to alanon today and it was good the topic was on detachment! Talk about HP! Ive been panicking i dont belong there and i wont ever get help with detachment. But there it was today and also people here helping telling me.

It was a good meeting. People said I was welcome.

I cant cut this person off i love them so much they arent a friend but a close loved one and he definitly is not a leech. If anything I am the leech always whining and obsessing about others and things i cant change. He saved my life and has always helped me. When I was in hard days he used to help me listen to me all the time so if anything i feel like the leech.So i cant cut contact and i will still see him and i want to go visit,
But i need to have boundaries and i need to look at my own problems i got a lot and i keep deflecting them by worrying about others.
Not to say he doesnt have a scary problem because he does and the idea of him dying and me being powerless over it is scarying me so much. But i have to learn detachment and stop obsessing. I can be sad though.
And i am really sad. I hate what his disease has done to him. I feel so sorry for his pain. But I cant change anything.
I do have to look after me or i will go lose the plot even more. I am going to make myself do my daily tasks before thinking about this stuff. And keep saying serenity prayer.


-- Edited by slugcat on Monday 23rd of August 2010 09:38:16 AM

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jj


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good job!!!
keep us posted, hon.
jj

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Lexie


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Good going, there!

Al-Anon helped me SO much with learning to gently put the focus back on myself and my own attitudes.

It's OK to be sad about another's illness. We wouldn't be loving, compassionate people if we weren't. But we have to keep reminding ourselves of our own human limitations in our ability to help someone who isn't ready to be helped.

Your relative knows that you love him, and that may give him great comfort even as he suffers from his illness.

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Lexie
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pinkchip


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I choose not to surround myself with liars. Don't sweat this so much slugcat...if the person is a drain on you, cut them loose. Where does it say you MUST be friends with liars and help them get better? These 12 step programs are for people that want them and only YOU are the one in the above story that wants the steps...so work them and follow your own spiritual path without trying to do God's will on others...God is not you! If you cannot help someone, give them away to God...he/she/it will take care of them how it is meant to be. Ease up.

Mark

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