I am a drunk.

Not the kind who falls down in public
or throws up in the toilet
in a bar,
 or, stumbles along the grimy big city streets.

I drink at home, alone
I drink fine wine, occasionally toped off by coffee with  baileys

Sometimes I buy a bottle of cheap wine from my Mom.

 My Mom bottles wine herself
at one of those places that little old ladies go and bottle wine to
save money even though they don't drink so much they need to

I think it some kind of generational thing...

My Mom's wine is not very good
I don't tell her that I buy her cheap wine to supplement
my good wine when I don't have much money

I am a drunk.

I hate myself every morning.
 
I say to myself tomorrow will be different.
 
I try to quit every other day
and on the days that I wake up not hung over
 
I feel so good I ask myself why would I do that again

and I  always

do it again.

I am a drunk.


 I go  to the gym and workss out and I'm fairly fit.

I quit smoking because it was not socially acceptable.

I am quite fit for a drunk and an occassional smoker.

I just said I quit.

I quit and start and quit a start.

I don't think I'm really fit, not on the inside where it really counts. 

When I get home from the gym
 my muscles ache.

  Maybe I am getting  fit!

My heart aches more than my muscles 

My heart aches when I drink

right before I drink 

after I drink 

I always think I will just drink a little 

I always think I will stop before I do 

and sometimes I do 

and mostly I don't.

I am a drunk. 
 


Thanks to God and AA and the people all over the world who are on this forum I am now a recovering drunk!