One Day at a Time?...

hurtingmomma · Newbie

One Day at a Time?...

hurtingmomma · Newbie

And I have to add to this, as I reread it. that I had a "normal" life...Good parents, sibling rivalry, good friends, lots of (perhaps missed) opportunity...As bad as it sounds there was a lot of normalcy, and a lot of good. But with my depression and alcoholism, I can only see that from a my own self revelation and understanding. I would only expect someone who has been through the program to understand what I have written here.

Lexie · Senior Member

Hey, momma,

Lots of what you write rings a bell with me, that's for sure. You are drinking now because withdrawal from alcohol is painful. It can actually be dangerous.

It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks of your drinking--YOU know it's hurting you and eating you alive. Forget about mom's opinion.

My suggestion is that you make the phone call to a detox center. They get calls all the time from people exactly like you--exactly like us when we were you.

AA works miracles, but you have to get the alcohol out of your system before you can start REALLY getting well. Can someone stay with your son if you go away for a week or so?

Trust me, this can be the greatest gift you ever give him--a sober mom.

Lexie · Senior Member

Incidentally, I was an "every day" drinker. I grew up in a "Leave it to Beaver" household, nobody else in my family (immediate or extended) has any problem with alcohol and addiction. I have a professional degree and license. Never got a DWI, never got arrested, never lost a job, never lost a relationship due to drinking.

By the end of my own drinking, I felt desperate and hopeless. I've been sober almost two years now.

zzworldontheweb · Senior Member

Welcome sister. I used to drink a pint and a half of bourbon every day because I had blues, was bored, because "life" had treated me shitty that day etc etc., and I often felt like you do. Strange how I was always the unluckiest person I knew!

It sounds like you're drinking to suppress withdrawal symptoms.

I feel like I have to be honest and tell you that it will NOT get any better. Your body is telling you it "needs" alcohol and that you feel "better" after a drink, but all that does is suppress the symptoms for a while longer. They just don't go away, they just get worse. At some point they get frightening enough that no human has the willpower to stop or even think rationally. That's when you can endanger yourself.

If you have a doctor (primary care, psychiatrist, anything), or a counselor, you might want to march in there and come totally clean about exactly how much you're drinking. They can get you into a setting where you can get dried out and can help you get past the withdrawal symptoms. Take a week off work if you have to and make up some story about having an ulcer or something. It's nobody's business but yours.

AFTER that's done, you can work on figuring out why you're drinking and how to keep from starting again (one step at a time!). I think you'll find most of us probably drank for similar reasons! I think you'll also find that all those other problems, that seem so insurmountable now, become a LOT easier to handle after you've stopped drinking. It's kinda like a miracle actually!

Good luck!

-- Edited by zzworldontheweb on Monday 16th of August 2010 08:35:27 PM

-- Edited by zzworldontheweb on Monday 16th of August 2010 08:35:46 PM

-- Edited by zzworldontheweb on Monday 16th of August 2010 08:36:44 PM

zzworldontheweb · Senior Member

Lexie, I just realized that what I wrote mirrored your post almost exactly. Sorry!

ferrisdp · Senior Member

Welcome. Good advice has been given here. A detox under medical supervision could be what you need.

Please know I was where you are 5 1/2 months ago. I tried to stop on a Saturday after nearly 29 years of at least a six pack EVERY night, and I mean every night. The last 10 years it was at least a 12 pack, usually more. That Saturday in February was awful -- shakes, skin crawling and by 3 AM thought I was dying and no alcohol in the house. I found vanilla extract and listerene, drank it, and that got me through until 10 AM when a liquor store opened nearby. Quickly downed seven drinks. Slept for a bit, back to the liquor store for a 30 pack. Another 18.

I write this to show you there is hope.

The insanity of this disease is that this wasn't the end. I was on a roll and kept it up until Wendesday when a friend took me to the hospital to detox for four days.

I was lucky, the mental obsession diminished, and through re-hab and the rooms of AA and working with my sponsor I've been sober ever since. If you knew me 6 months ago you never would have thought this was possible. But I'm here, and I'm sober, and it's truly a miracle. It's taken hard work one day at a time, an open mind and a belief in a higher power but the rewards have been abundant. I have my self respect back.

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

Hey Momma,

It sounds like you are ready to take the 1st step of AA (Admitted we where alcoholic and our lives where unmanagable). Right now Alcohol is not the problem, just your current solution.

The past is gone, aLL WE HAVE IS TODAY, I hope you have a moment of clairity and make the call (or at least write the email) for help.

I related to almost your whole story, my parents didn't drink much and I had a good childhood, worked and partied hard through college.

All the black-outs, hangovers/ sickness, relationship/family issues, guilt, fear, remorse, self loathing are standard things that most of us had.

Lexi gave some good advise about detox, I would add that after you are sober a short time that you see your Psyc and tell him your situation, possibly they will want to tweek or change your meds based on how you are feeling.

I got sober @ 24 yrs old and will soon celebrate 26 years of continuous soberiety. I hope you don't miss out on the miracle!!

Rob

typ0 · Veteran Member

what I have found in my short time in recovery is talking to other alcoholics has shown me that I am not alone. The effects of this disease are very devastating to the mind and body. It manifests itself in ways you don't have a clue about until you accept the alcoholism and begin to do the work of dealing with it. For me, like you, I was an alcoholic very early in life. Because I had the idea all that time that people become alcoholics I rationalized I wasn't one because there had been no fundamental changes in my alcoholism throughout adulthood. If there were changes I might have recognized them but since there were none I didn't think I was an alcoholic. The problem is I was an alcoholic since a child. Like you, I've had many accomplishments and matured in many ways. Because of the alcoholism I remain a child in many other ways. Make sure you are taken care of physically no matter what it takes (stop at nothing). Once you are no longer sick physically you can go about the spiritual journey of actually discovering yourself in light of the alcoholism. Again, these are the words of someone who has been in recovery for only a week after 25 long years of alcoholic denial. I expect we can, due to our life experience, build the things that are missing rather quickly if we give in to our higher power and follow the process. The ability to create those successes despite our inability to manage our lives is a tremendous asset.

-- Edited by typ0 on Tuesday 17th of August 2010 07:51:39 AM

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi H-momma, welcome to the board, we're glad that you're here.

louisa · Senior Member

Hello Tanya and welcome .

I haven't called the hotline yet. I haven't gone to a meeting yet.

Tanya, calling the hotline does NOT mean you have to do anything else. It is entirely your choice. You can just call and have a simple chat. No pressure. Just making that call and having that chat may help as you have NOTHING to lose. NOTHING. I promise.

SHOULD you choose to want to chat face to face with another AA or go to a meeting they will take it from there. I understand the system is pretty similar world wide.

Here In England the 12 Steppers are incredibly experienced at knowing how to help alcoholics in all kinds of situations. We will often visit people in their homes IF THEY WISH (in pairs) and it is normally very clear when we need to invlove a third party detox. It can be dangerous going cold turkey but it is also astonishing the amount of alcohol that can be drunk and still be able to go cold turkey.

Just making that call does NOT mean you have to go to a meeting or that people are going to suddenly become experts and try to advise you with your OCD.

Sending you all best wishes & lots of love. One thing at a time.......as has been said a call to a detox centre maybe the way you choose to go...........that's another option. Whatever anybody else thinks, you know what your heart is telling you. I truly feel you would find that call immensely comforting.
Louisa xx

TwelveSteps · Senior Member

Also remember that when you call the hotline, you get to talk to another alcoholic who is happy to answer any questions (even ones that feel like "stupid questions") about what meetings are like, what to expect in AA, etc. It can make going to your first meeting a lot less scary.

Good luck and welcome!

GG

louisa · Senior Member

Yes, just like GG pointed out......you get to speak to another AA.......that is the wonderful thing about the AA hotline. I found it hugely comforting........hugely so.....the identification was immense.....
love
Louisa xx

susanbiel · Veteran Member

Tanya,

I was where you are now. At the end of my drinking I was drinking 1-1/2 to 2 cases of beer a day. I needed medical detox. I quit drinking on April 21,2000; went thru the DT's for 3 days at home and then begged my husband at the time to take me to the rehab center. I stayed for 11 days inpatient and did 6 months out patient. Then I went into therapy; 10 years of therapy. I have PTSD and suffer from major depression, am an alocholic and an addict. I can say I have been sober since and it isn't always peaches and cream, but it is a heck of a lot better than being ashamed, drunk or high.

I have just started going to meetings and talking a little. You don't have to say anything at the meetings, just sit and listen. Everyone at AA knows how you feel and where you are coming from.

The most important thing you can do for yourself and your son it to get sober. I know how hard it is. I know the feelings you have when you physically need that drink. Please find the strenght to call AA and just talk to the person that answers the phone. You are not alone.

Take care and keep coming back.

Susan B.

Simple · Senior Member

Hi Tanya, and welcome. You have already received many good responses, so mostly I just want to add that I'm glad you are seeing a therapist and I hope you have been completely honest with him/her. Calling the hotline, going to detox and/or AA, all of these are great first steps. You have shown the ability to look at yourself and it sounds like you are at the turning point, so its time to take action now. There is lots of love, support and good direction in AA if you want it. Hopefully you will get to a point where you can talk about the last three years to someone - but that time will come. There are many people in recovery dealing with additional issues like OCD and depression, and good doctors who understand these and alcoholism can help as well. Keep up on this board and let us know what happens, we are here for you!

Reffner · Senior Member

hurtingmomma wrote:

I have severe (and mostly well hidden - like the alcoholism) depression, and OCD (which drinking helps me cope with where medication and antidepressants can not).

It's been my experience that if the depression and OCD are real problems (and not alcohol induced) the alcohol is only making them worse. Using a depressant (alcohol) to cope with depression is counter intuitive (for me it's pure insanity!). I had the same problems before I quit drinking. When I started my journey of recovery the depression and OCD went away. I thought alcohol was helping me cope, but it was only making the depression worse.

But that's just me...

Brian

-- Edited by Reffner on Wednesday 18th of August 2010 08:01:47 AM