I have 10 years sober and I am looking for a sponsor. I was in therapy for years and years and went thru the steps with her. She is a cert. alcohol/drug therapist. I have/had a phobia of groups of people. I have stopped going to the therapist; I feel I have out grown her (it) and started going to meetings. One of the reasons I find meetings difficult is because of trust. I was sexual abused as a child by my twin uncles. I started drinking not long after that. It took me 25 years to understand it wasn't my fault. I was married during those years, divorced for the last 10 years. We have 2 wonderful young adults. Anyway, I need a sponsor that is understanding of what I went thru as a child because it is still very much a part of who I am. I am very, how to but it, reserved, shy and closed mouthed. I have been able to start reading during the meetings; ie the premable, steps etc. but it isn't easy for me.
I do work the steps everyday and try to help those in need. Where do I turn? I no longer have the desire to drink. Once in a great while I do miss the not caring drinking brought me, but I quickly remember the bad times.
Some think that it is impossible to have the desire to drink removed, which it was. I went thru the DT's at home for three days before I went into rehab back in 2000. During that time I had a spiritual experience and the good Lord relieved me of the desire to drink. I go to church on a reg. basis. I have gone to one of the women's meetings. Need suggestions please.
I do have a touch of ADD sorry I ramble a little : )
Susan B. I can only suggest you attend more meetings, it isnt necessary to do a lot of talking. When you see someone that has some years of sobriety and you like the way they talk and respond to other people, ask that person to be your sponsor. You have the sobriety and you've aknowleged that the abuse was not your fault, so you've already made great progress. I know trust can be a problem, that I understand, just take them baby steps when dealing with people there isnt a rush, there's no diploma or graduation parties, but if you stick around it will get better. The most important thing for me is to ask your higher power for the strength and wisdom to handle life on life's term.
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The smallest of good deeds is greater than the best of intentions.
Anonymous
Halfwolf had some good suggestions. Listen to people share at meetings. Try talking with some of the people afterward. If there's a woman whose share you particularly related to, or found especially helpful, go up to her and tell her you liked what she said. Doing this a little bit will get you into some friendly conversations.
You can also invite someone to meet for coffee and a chat. That's low pressure, and you can talk about the fact that you're looking for a sponsor. See where that leads.
And if you ask someone who isn't in a position to do it, ask if she has any suggestions who might be a good sponsor.
I'm just suggesting this way as one that might be less stressful for you.
The other thing to remember is that if you start working with someone and it doesn't seem to be a good "fit", you can always change sponsors. It happens a lot. People generally don't take it personally.
Good luck, I'm glad you are feeling more comfortable in the meetings.
The best place to find a sponsor is at a women's meeting. listen and watch for a few meetings. pick someone who has a similar story to yours. very sad to say, there are a lot of women who were sexually abused children who became alcoholics, but not all of them find AA... just more and more abusive relationships. please visit this site as much as possible, but continue your growth by attending meetings, too.
Thank you all for the suggestions. It does help. I did go to a meeting last night, it's getting easier and easier to go and listen. I have tried one women's meeting, but there are only a few women there and none of them have that much sobriety time. I will try different one this Saturday. I just have to get up earlier than I have been.
I have learned so much in therapy about who I am. I know I am so worth sobriety and will continue to do my best.
