The greatest thing about AA is the lifeline it gives me whenever I get into trouble. This week has been a spiritual low. My old friends came to visit me, restlessness and irritation. My wife is my barometer. If she gets upset with me then I know that she is picking up vibes of irritation from me. These are death traps for alcoholics. After many years of good behaviour on the roads, I lost it today. The thing about this was I was the speaker at the meeting tonight. Many of the people I sponsor were sitting in the meeting. So I had to tell them about my insane behaviour on the road. So it was back to inventory, to see which part of self had manifested itself again. If I ignore my current state, then I am heading for even more serious trouble. I will be 22 years sober on the 19th August, but I have take out a few years for bad behaviour. AA has taught me to look very seriously at myself, before I go about helping others. I can get spiritually sick but I don't have to remain that way.
I don't know you well, brother, but is it possible you're being a little hard on yourself? Being a bit irritated or having one temper flareup doesn't seem to qualify as full-blown bad behavior, not if you arrest it in time. You ARE human...
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
