it's so hard to let go of a toxic person and have them bring you right into there misery.
had my ex reem me out for another persons opinion in the matter-who i shouldn't have shared with--and now he is out of control trying to control and trying to blame me for everything.
i accepted whats mine i just stayed hoping for change and knowing that in my heart they couldn't have loved me...but was afraid to leave. didn't want to take resposibility for the act of leaving and starting over...i was staying out of fear and laziness.
now that i left i am peaceful and the only issue i have is a money one...and all the fear that i had was pointless...
i don't live with a dry drunk control freak anymore...i am free to hang up the phone or walk away and go to where i am staying and not participate, because i have to go home with them.
i am sad that things didn't work out but i have to take care of myself and if the price for that is to not participate it's an even trade.
it's hard to explain but with out me i am nothing and being with you makes you fell less than human they need to be avoided like the plague.
I've had a crappy week myself,i'm miserable until i decide not to be, i'm sad until i decide not to be.
What is mine and what is theirs, thanks to working my program and learning what actually is mine, is so freeing.
The only thing i haven't been able to free myself from is a sick, gnawing heart in the pit of my tummy feeling. I thought i let go and let God, i've prayed for release from my fears, doubts and for this awful feeling to be taken but it seems stuck there.
a week of feeling like this now, i've really had enough.
I believe i have faith, faith that God has a plan for me, that God will restore me to sanity. So why won't this feeling go away??
just my rambles
i can just relate to trying to let go of a toxic person is all
a fellow member directed me to asking myself these 4 questions when contemplating anything..
Speaking of "toxic people".It took me a long time to realize a few years back who the toxic people in my life were.
Before I became involved in AA a few years back. I used to tell my friends I was an alcholic.Their responces were "We all are".We all went to work, took care of our business, and what the hell, "WE KNEW HOW TO PARTY -HARDY".It took a long time to realize(after no longer going to meetings,and then eventually drinking again)...These were my "toxic friends". It seemed they wanted to keep me "down where they were".
I continued to party with my "toxic friends" for quite some time. It took some time to realize they were not friends at all. They were not there when I really needed them. We were together a-lot. THe bottom line is they were just my "Party Buddies".
This program has so many people with the qualities that I am looking for in friendship.Most of us have either heard it or said "I'd rather have one true friend than 10 aquaintances".
Take Care:
Nancy JO
pray:
__________________
Life is full of ups and downs
But the faces of love will
ease the pain and suffering
from:My Mother
pray: