My sister Catherine and i were extremly close, we grew up together and in our younger years were seldom apart. She was good fun to be around , and also a very honest, gentle person, always smiling. When we were very little we used to hold on to each others vest at night as we shared the same bed, i guess we thought one of us would save the other if anyone came to take us. She was a beautiful girl as a teenager and had many admirers, she never had to wear make up, i used to watch her put just a little blusher on her face and that was it, she looked stunning, i used be a little envious of that, as i would have to put a lot more make up on to look half as good as her. The first time we became aware of her drinking was when she was around nineteen. My parents had bought in some drinks for christmas to offer our new neighbours. When dad poured out what he thought was a measure of whiskey for this man, he discovered it was cold tea. I think at the time he was more embarrased that this should happen in front of the new neighbours than anything, i guess we thought Catherine had given the drink to someone and maybe drank a little herself, what we didnt realise was Catherine had drank this herself and done it seceretly at home. After this we started to notice she seemed to be drinking on more occasions than she should, and still i suppose we hoped it would pass as she got older and settled down. It didnt and at just 23 we attempted to get her into Aiseiri for treatment. She went but didnt feel she had a problem and dropped out just two weeks into her four week teatment. The years passed and she continued drinking, all the time denying she had a problem. She managed her daily life quiet well despite her drinking problem and many people would not have been aware she was an alcoholic. She had two beautiful children who she loved dearly, and again despite her tendency to drink was a caring doting mother to them. At this stage she drank most nights but would get up in the morning and carry out daily tasks normally. Before her marriage ended, she was drinking more regular and was admitted voluntry for treatment to hospital on a couple of occasions. The treatment would work for a while but then she would return to drinking again. Her marriage ended in 2005. I hoped this would bring her to seek help but when her husband took her children from her and got full custody of them, this broke her heart and instead of seeking help, she went downhill fast. Because her husband had custody, she only got to see them once a week, for an hour and the visit was supervised by him, she never got to spend time alone with them. Although i have supported her husband in many ways, i wonder if this was neccesary as she loved her children and never did or would cause them harm. Her attempts to call to the house to see the children or give them gifts were not allowed by her husband and she was often turned away. When her marriage broke up it became harder for me, as now there was no one to look out for her, and she was drinking a hell of a lot more. I used to often cry myself to sleep with worry for her. It was so hard to watch someone you love self destruct. I asked her one night why she drank all the time, and why she couldnt just stop and end this misery. She replied " every night i go to bed, i pray to god that i wont drink tomorrow, but when i wake im so depressed i end up drinking again". I didnt really understand how someone could be depressed if they didnt have a drink so i failed to understand her. Everytime i left i would always say the same thing to her and that was, call me if you decide you are ready to accept help and we will get help somewhere. She always gave the same reply " nothing ". To my delight however in july 2006, she called, she said she needed help and for the first time in her life she accepted she had a drink problem. I took her to an addiction centre and they agreed to send her forward for treatment if she remained off alcohol for five weeks. She did this and those five weeks were wonderful as i had my sister back for the first time in years. It was like been with her in our younger years, everything seemed normal again. She went into Aiseiri in sept 06. This was also helpful to me as it was here i learned how alcoholism affected her. They showed me a chart and looking at it i thought back to the time she talked of her depression. This chart explained that alcohol was a drug and its side effects were depression, the more a person drank, the more depressed they became, the more depressed they became . the more they drank. I now was begining to learn more about what was happening to her. She did very well for the first three weeks but on the last Sunday before she was due to come home, i noticed a change in her mood, i thought to myself, dear god, no. She came out and remained low in mood and just sat for the following few weeks staring out the window or lying in bed. We got her a house near me and helped her move in. She just locked the door and drank heavily for the week. We had to get the estate agents to let us into the house. The sight we saw was distressing, there was vomit in various places in the house and burn marks on her clothes. I knew she was in serious difficulty now. That was the start of a two month bout of depression for me, and i was now crying everyday myself, even while out shopping. It was causing difficulties in my own marriage because my husband blamed Catherine for my depression and requested that i stop calling to see her. A difficult time. She came to live for a while with my mam and dad at christmas and this took the worry off me and thankfully tha tears stopped and the depression lifted. This was to be Catherines last christmas. I took her christmas shopping with her children and we had a lovely day in town. After shopping she asked me to watch the kids while she went back to pick out some toys they had liked, we had waited quite a while for her to return and i had begun to think she had gone for a drink and left us ahen i heard her call me, when i turned around the sight of her crossing the road with her hands piled up to her chin with presents for the kids and a smile from ear to ear as she crossed to them will stay in my memory for ever. After christmas she moved back with her friend and the drinking got worse. The following June i spoke to her and she told me she was homeless, rather than take her home with me, a decision was taken by us her family to take her to hospital and seek help for her. When we got to the hospital we asked if Catherine should decide to leave or was been discharged would they contact us as we now had grave concerns for her well being and safety. We told them we could reach the hospital in fifteen minutes if needed. We were assured they would. However here in Ireland they dont seem to know enough about alcoholism and unknown to us a decision was taken to discharge Catherine as they felt our fears were unfounded and disagreed Catherine was as bad on the drink as we claimed. The following day after been discharged Catherine arrived back into hospital unconscious from alcohol and in a serious condition. No one contacted any of her family at that time. When i went into see her that same day i was struck immediately by how unwell she looked, no one told me what had happened. I mentioned my fears to the nurse and asked them could they do a full medical on her as she did not look at all well. At this point i started crying and Catherine when she saw me upset cried as well, she said " dont worry about me, i will be alright. I left the hospital but promised her i would be back in a couple of hours. When i came back with my dad, we were told she had gone. She had discharged herself in her nightgown with no change of clothes, no money, no phone. Though the hospital knew of her whereabouts, they refused to tell us as the felt she was an adult and sound of mind. We called the gardai, who also knew where she was but did not help us. Their excuse later was that they didnt remember the call, and no one had logged it. Sadly less than two days after leaving hospital my sister was found dead . My whole body ached with pain on hearing the news, i couldnt keep a thing down for the following two weeks. I never got to say goodbye because her coffin was closed. I will never forget walking into the mortuary when her body was released to us, i was first in and as i walked slowly in the sight of her coffin was th lonelist feeling in the world. I had so much i wanted to say to her, but it was too late. I never told her how many times i cried over her, i never told her i loved her, i wanted her to know and not been able to tell her hurt the most. In my family we are all very close, but we dont hug or tell each other we love them. At the hospital i was so concerned for Catherine i went to hug her but the nurse moved in the way, i will always regret not putting my arms around her that last day.
I hated Catherines drinking habits, i hated the lifestyle it led her to, but i never ever, not for one second, stopped loving her.
( CATHERINE DIED FROM AN OVERDOSE OF ALCOHOL, HER POST MORTEM RESULTS SHOWED ALL HER ORGANS WERE FINE AND HAD NOT BEGUN TO SHOW ANY DISEASE AS YOU WOULD NORMALLY HAVE WITH ALCOHOLISM. CATHERINE WAS SO DEPRESSED FROM THE SIDE EFFECTS OF ALCOHOL, SHE WAS NOW DRINKING EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS. ON THE LAST DAY OF HER LIFE SHE DRANK SO MUCH HER KIDNEYS COULD NOT RID IT FROM HER SYSTEM QUICK ENOUGH, IT THEN SPILLED OVER INTO HER BLOOD SYSTEM AND SHUT DOWN HER ORGANS ONE BY ONE AS HER BLOOD WAS NOW POISON. SHE FELL ASLEEP, BECAME UNCONSCIOUS AND THEN WENT INTO A COMA AND DIED. BE AWARE THIS CAN HAPPEN IF YOU DRINK LARGE AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL, WHETHER ITS YOUR FIRST TIME DRINKING OR ARE AN ALCOHOLIC, THE DANGERS OF THIS AND THE LIVES THAT HAVE BEEN LOST , OFTEN VERY YOUNG LIVES, CANNOT BE MENTIONED ENOUGH!!! )
IF YOU FIND YOU ARE DEPRESSED FROM ALCOHOL OR ARE USING ALCOHOL TO COPE WITH DEPRESSION, PLEASE, PLEASE, GO TO YOUR DOCTOR AND EXPLAIN THIS TO HIM, GET ON SAFER MEDICATION TO TREAT YOUR DEPRESSION AS ALCOHOL ONLY MAKES IT WORSE.
(-- Edited by I miss my sister on Thursday 12th of August 2010 05:16:22 PM
-- Edited by I miss my sister on Thursday 12th of August 2010 05:25:41 PM
-- Edited by I miss my sister on Friday 13th of August 2010 06:34:13 AM
-- Edited by I miss my sister on Friday 13th of August 2010 06:35:44 AM
-- Edited by I miss my sister on Friday 13th of August 2010 06:42:57 AM
Thank you for this. Perhaps her death will not be in vain. I am sure she is finally at peace.
P.S. - I had my 15-year-old daughter, who has not yet started drinking, read this story and she was also touched. Hopefully it will remain in her subconscious mind and if she ever develops a drinking problem, she may be more likely to recognize it and get help as a result.
-- Edited by FlyingSquirrel on Thursday 12th of August 2010 11:42:49 PM
Wow, what a touching story, may I ask what exactly caused her death? I mean obviously the drinking led to it but was it a failed liver? Or something else? Again I am so sorry to hear of your loss and I am sure she is in a better place where the drink cannot have control of her any more..
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
I am sorry for your loss. In my life I have seen two people die from alcoholism because they couldn't or wouldn't admit to having a problem. One was a high school girlfriend who had the world in her hands. An aspiring model whose short brush with fame destroyed her. At the age of 45 she was penniless and her mom found her dead in bed after a hard night of drinking.
The other was my mom. When sober the best mom any kid could ask for, but towards the end, those days never seem to come around enough. After a couple of days of drinking and getting beaten by my dad (also an alcoholic) she snuck out of the house and disappeared for three days. This was during the cold days of winter. Eventually she was found about 100 feet behind a bar, in an alley frozen face down on the ground. They literally ripped off part of her face to get her off the ice.
Alcohol can kill and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. When a person can't admit or accept that they are an alcoholic there is nothing left accept lots of prayers...
In my thoughts and prayers, Dave
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"A busy mind is a sick mind. A slow mind, is a healthy mind. A still mind, is a divine mind." - Native American Centerness
Thank you for sharing with us. Your experience will definitely help others. People like myself need to hear once again the seriousness of the disease of addiction. Perhaps you should share your experience at a support group and help others.
I am so sorry for your loss. You and your sister will be in my prayers. I want to thank you for sharing her story. You reminded me of where I was just a few months ago and how close I was to death. My last relapse 3 months and 10 days ago lead me to the hospital and the doctor told me that I had almost died. Over the last few weeks I've had this little voice in the back of my head telling me that it would be okay to take just one small drink. I've talked to my sponser and mentioned this in meetings, however it was your story that reminded me that one drink will not do it for me and I will die. I know it is small consolation, but the story you shared will help keep this alcoholic sober! Thank you with all of my heart!
My condolences to you....I lost a brother in 2003----after ten years sobriety he drank, drove and died.....I have shared his story before her and in the AA rooms......no words can express my shared sense of loss with you. They are in a better place, they are tormented and tortured no more. We will remember them and share their story so others may learn from them. Love, prayers and support for you and yours...... We do have some Irish blood in us.......my oldest was born on March 17th.....luck of the Irish!! We also have more Italian in us.........soooooooooo---do yourself a favor----learn to hug-----I'll send you a big air one..... Thanks you for the tears of memory for my dear brother......and the love I will always have in my heart for him!! He was my Best Man at our wedding----20 years ago.......a glorious memory!! *glad you have that memory o your sister with the Christmas packages.....that's all we become----memories to and for others.....hopefully, we leave more good memories than bad!! That's what I'm working on---day by day!!