Well it's Monday night and I'm by myself at the trailer. When the in laws came to visit I had not drank in over a year. Yes I am an alcoholic and my name is Mike. I'm very pissed off at myself. I think it started when my wife decided she didn't ant to spend time with her mom. I'm not really understanding that but to say the least the mother in law and myself really don't see eye to eye to begin with. I TRIED TALKING TO MY WIFE ABOUT IT 4 OR 5 TIMES and she just sloft it off . So all waking moments I was with my mother in law while my wife was out doing what-ever with her sister that was down visiting also. I thought I was strong I've got a year under my belt I can handle this. My wife would come to the camp ground and visit for a bit then off she would go home with her sister to spend time with her. I might also add that they have 3 very annoying purse puppy's that never ever shut up. So I was left to entertain the mother of my wife and listen to 3 dogs that were allowed to annoy everyone in the park on a constant basis. The father in law is a drunk when he drinks which is all the time he don't mess around. He likes to drink a couple of cases in a sitting . His Idea of a visit was to spend as much time with my wife's ex. Before my wife's divorce they were drinking buddies . My father in law decided that when he was totally shit-faced wanted to take me out with a beer bottle. It seems he was mad at not having a son-in law like my wife's ex who would party like a rock star with him. Well I was sober and he was not. I took the beer bottle from him and told him to sit down. He took a swing and down he went. I told him to knock it off. He told how much he hated that I was a goodie two shoes and that I should drink with him. I told him NO. Well after a few more times of him coming in the trailer after me I had had enough. I had my six year old son in the trailer and father in=law had crossed the line. At this point I must make it clear that my wife is 35 and I am 54. So I was not like going after an old man I think he is 60. I warned him again that I was going in the trailer and that he should go sleep it off. Well in the trailer he came so I spun him around and grabbed him by the scruff and the ass of his pants and off the deck he went. Well I'll be a son of a bitch if he didn't come back again. So off the deck again he went. I locked myself in the trailer and he started banging and yelling at the door. All this was going on at 2 in the morning. Well after a few more times of him going off the deck and him trying to bite my leg. He headed to his RV to go to bed. The next day to say the least was very tense. His plan was to leave and head back home but he forgot he had invited some friends he knew over for dinner. So the nest day they left early in the morning. My next door neighbor said it sounded like you had a rough night. I said I did. He brought out a bottle and a beer. After a year of not drinking I had 2 shots and a beer. Alittle while later I could feel I had a buzz and my wife shows up . My son was sleeping in the trailer and I was outside by the fire with two people from AA who also stay at the park. I was telling them how I messed up My wife new that I was drinking and I said I'm sorry. She went in the trailer and woke him up to take him home Now she believes that I have been drinking all long and that I'm a hazard to my son and wants nothing to do with me. What did I learn? Grab the phone
Aloha Chester and I think you've had enough "beat me ups" so I'll just say welcome to MIP and another source of recovery you can hang out with. That bit of a foray with your "family" kinda sorta made me think we were blood realtives especially the tossing his butt off the deck part. God...been there so many times and done that way to often that I ever ever want to do it again so it isn't a justification for me to pick up and continue drinking again.
So you're back to don't think and don't drink and go to a meeting or get together with those other 2 AA's and make a meeting of your own. 1 year isn't lost is my thinking. 1 year and a reminder more like it.
Part of my drinking history included bad reactive behavior so for me to even get pissed off and close my hand into a fist is a relapse.
Keep coming back...
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 9th of August 2010 11:25:32 PM
I thought I was strong I've got a year under my belt I can handle this.
Chester it isn't strenght. For me I do not have any strenght against anything I am an alcholic and have alcholic behaviors. No matter how long I am in this program I will be an alcholic and have alcholic behaviors. What I need to have and know where I am at the time is spiritually. When I am in a fit spiritual condition I can go anywhere, do anything and tollerate anyone.
Get to meetings, stick wht the others in the park in the program. And as has been stated you didn't loose a year you have gained experience. The one day at a time may start over but the year will always be there.
Well...that situation was spiraling out of control...You needed to call your sponsor there at some point for sure...just needed to hit the interrupt button long enough to gather some perspective. Good that you are doing that now though.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Howdy chester, I took my children once to visit my dad. A violent drunk. When I would not go drinking with him I was lucky to get out of that with only my shirt tore off. The Blue Book talks of sometimes having to fight with drunks . So not to be controversial, my experience does not find any thing wrong with how you handled the in-law. What do you do? Let him trash on you??? Sorry you had to drink over the deal, Sometimes the word "Fair" gets left out of sober Life. So I learn to learn. Movin' On. Toad
Part of my drinking history included bad reactive behavior so for me to even get pissed off and close my hand into a fist is a relapse.
This is true
Part of my history included this too. I had to learn that I am only human. I will always have an alcoholic mind, and will sometimes "entertain" alcoholic thoughts and behaviors. This, at least for me, is very different than a relapse. These are things that I consider some of my character defects, and I know that God is working on removing them in his own time. Sure, I want them all gone right now, but my HP is still using some of them to help me learn important lessons. When the time is right, and I am HONESTLY ready, these sorts of things will be removed. In the mean time, I accept that I still have them, work on letting them go, and give thanks for the sanity to know that I DO NOT HAVE TO DRINK BECAUSE OF THEM.
This statement almost sounds to me like an "excuse" to drink. If I thought of this as a relapse, my thought process would be as follows...
"Damn it, I just did some things that I used to do while I was drinking, so I just relapsed. F*** it, if I relapsed, I might as well do it right and get falling down drunk."
I don't look at the reactive behavior as the relapse, because in my mind it's not the same as picking up a drink. Give yourself a break for not being a door mat anymore. There's no reason at all you should have to put up with the events, but there's also no reason to drink over them.
Welcome to the MIP board, lots of great ppl here with alot of esh.
I own and operate a campground. I dont tolerate the kind of behavior you are describing but I can certainly relate to what you are sharing. I can relate cuz it use to be my past ... and if I ever decide to pick up a drink for whatever reason, my past will again become my future IF I live long enough.
Im so thankful to suffered what I call my last drunk. Thankful to have found God and AA and my sponsor. Thankful for the spiritual experience and psychic change talked about in our literature. Thankful for the steps that changed me.
Im VERY grateful to know that if I drink, I will die. Its that simple and today Im willing to do anything, anything to not pick up that first drink.
