Lots of recovery work this week...

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Lots of recovery work this week...

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Great job Rob! Your spiritual batteries must be on full charge.

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Rob,
Nicely done man. I like that sobriety is your priority and then other things after that. Looks like your doing well and I'm happy for you. smile

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

Sounds like the schedule of a person who is serious about sobriety. Well done!

Congratulations on your 15th wedding anniversary.

I used to tell people like you that if you think it's hard staying married for 15 years, try being married 15 times for a year (LOL).

Actually I have been married 4 times and my wife and I are now approaching our 22nd anniversary. Marriage seems to work better for me sober.

Larry,
-------------------
Be with sober alcoholics and become and stay sober, be with drinkers and, well, you figure it out.

Reffner · Senior Member

Sounds like you've got a good plan there but remember, it's ok to make plans as long as we don't plan the outcomes. If things don't happen to go exactly as planned, instead of beating yourself up, try chalking it up to HP knowing something we may not know. Good luck Rob.

Brian

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Things seem to be clicking well. You are picking up a lot through this work and that will be passed down later....though I'm sure you are doing it to save your own butt now. For me...Had I not gone to like 500 meetings in my first year and intensely focused on steps 1 through 3...I wouldn't have the foundation to teach to others new in the program.

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Wow 15 years wedding anny!!! That is amazing, and wonderful!! SOOO happy for you!!!

So, the Troops are off and traveling!! Looks like you have a busy week ahead! Take good care of yourself, get your rest, and make sure that "super-dad" gets some precious "Me-Time".

I like what pinkchip said... makes a lot of sense. You are going to be an incredible 12th Stepper one day!! You will have all the experience with anxiety, multitasking, job crapolla and domestic roles!! (and mowing!! 2 1/2 hours??? What do you have to mow?? a Dairy farm??? ;) Your ES&H is now, and will be, priceless....

Next time I feel busy and overwhelmed here, with simply me and my dog and cat, I am going to read one of your posts and GET OVER IT.

What are you and the misses doing for your wedding anniversary?

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

Rob! Congrats! I guess this means you got your mower working!
Tom

Dave Harm · Senior Member

15 years... that is impressive... congratulations...

I've got over twenty if you include all three... lol

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Boy am I glad I came here and read this for couple of reason. 1. most of
the fellowship that responded covered my thoughts and experiences including
the lawn mower LOL. Also what an ethereal way to reminding me that I also
have a wedding anniversary coming up this month and that it also is longer
than the first two put together. 12 stepping? Of course!! once you get it, if
you want to keep it...Ya gotta give it away!! Glad you have several days to
work that plan. smile

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Thanks for the replies! Couple of quick responses; it's two lawns (mine and I'm covering for my son) & I'm surprised about the fifteen years now that I know what a douche I was!

Plans umm...well...let's review DAY ONE -
work/noon meeting/work...check.
Rehab: Please put your seats and tray-tables in the full and upright position. Buckle up for Drama.
The woman sitting next to me 'fessed up to having gotten drunk this morning and when she opened her mouth the stink/stank/stunk of vodka-ness came out like a poisonous snake. I didn't want the ref to kick her out, so I didn't say anything because she's usually real quiet but whaddaya know; she opened up tonight!
At first I just threw up in my mouth a little but then I started getting a nasty headache and by the time I left I was having a full-on craving. Thank God I was on my way to a MEETING!

2 miles out of town my van starts acting weird. Turn around and get my arse back to town. Call Sponsor and Tell Him All About It. He says (I am SO glad that I found this guy)
"So...you were distracted by her, got nothing out of rehab tonight, you're craving AND your van has what sounds like an expensive fix?"
"Yeah..."
"I would have gotten up and left. If you weren't there you would have gotten just as much out of your rehab time. Now you're only as sick as her secrets."

So, I wrote a little poem...
Echoed off these thumb-tacked walls I feel what it was like to live with me,
crushed in all these toy-strewn halls; relief I want - give it to me!
Fear-in, rage-out; the hammer falls! No one to live in fear of me,
gripping clawing oblivion calls...fear-in, rage-out take pain for me!
I am a lonely child I
am raped and crying I
I can't even face denial!
I AM NOT DYING
I AM NOT DYING
I AM NOT DYING
........................
I forgot what it's like to be powerless; it's not cowardice.
I don't have to be alone that minute that I'm in it.

Then a friend from rehab called me back and my "creative juices" were diffused.
Thank God.
Just checked my work e-mail. My 5th biggest account is not renewing for 2011.

Nope...not what I had planned at all.
Time for bed...I may need my rest for Day Two. It's all Good: It's all God.
smile

Peace,
Rob

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

yes, it is ALL GOOD... and your poetry is awesome.... do I smell a band-thing in the air down the road in sobriety perhaps????

Your new sponsor sounds awesome. You called him. Awesome. What's up with the van? Can you get to a meeting tomorrow?? Did you get to one tonight? (just filling in the blanks, if there are any....)

You are (or soon will be) in bed, SOBER.... woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kudos!!

joni

Reffner · Senior Member

Dang Rob, sounds like your learning to make the right choices!!! Your post was both encouraging and inspiring. It sounds to me like you were able to put things in real perspective, and do the next right thing. I'm reminded that as long as I don't take that first drink, I can think things through and focus on the solution instead of the problem. Keep us updated on things.

Brian

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Well, the week didn't quite go as planned...it was even BETTER!
Monday night's freak-out was the start of full-on benzo withdrawals, as Sunday was my last dose.
Got halfway through work Tuesday and started FUH-REEEEKING OOOWWWTTTT!!! My head was turned inside-out and I was crawling out of my skin. Called my doctor and he said "right now you're halfway thorugh the worst of the withdrawals. I can either write you another two-week's worth of a step-down dosage or you can ride it out either at home or in a hospital bed." and we went over my symptoms;
sleeplessness, EXTREME irritability, olfactory and tactile hallucinations, photo & audio sensitivity, tremors, shortness of breath, abdominal cramps, vomiting, reduced impulse control, restlessness, headaches and tics.

OH YEAH - we're havin' fun NOW!!!

Doctor told me that I was okay at home, but no driving, bike-riding or walking on sidewalks or pavement (in case I seized or passed out) and that if my symptoms got worse, to call him and I'd get into a clinic bed.

So I called in to work and explained the situation. They were cool with it, and I spent the longest 48 hours of my LIFE shut up in my house with the AC blasting and the shades drawn.

By the time Wife & Kids got back into town I was a human again. I'm still a little shaky & cranky...but nothing like it was.

SO...WHAT'S THE E/S/H OF THIS SHARE?
1) I was not alone. God was there to hold me. The feeling would pass eventually, but God would be with me eternally once I gave up the illusion of control.
2) I would NOT have attempted that without The Program. I got through it with a LOT of prayer, recitation of The 12 Steps and knowing of elders in The Fellowship who assured me that it could be done.
3) DO NOT attempt self-intervention without medical supervision.
4) I received several calls from dear, sweet Friends (and a sushimi delivery from my boss) making sure that I was okay. The Fellowship works...Service/Unity/Recovery.
5) Planning ahead is the set-up for God's Punch-Lines.

Peace,
Rob

Lexie · Senior Member

Whew, sounds pretty harrowing.

Wow, a boss who sends food--that's pretty amazing.

Glad you're back among the living!