You took a courageous first step by your admission.  Know that you are not alone.  Go to that meeting -- tears are okay.  

Good Morning Star and welcome to MIP.

When I read your Post, I recalled instantly a signature from a Poster that we see on occasion, but he did change his signature....it was "We must Surrender to WIN"

Star, I don't believe there are many here who did not first try to stop on their own, most of us, well can only speak for myself really, but I pushed that "I don't need AA to quit" took that philosophy right into the Gates of Hell,for 7 long years,  and it was interesting cause I also really liked a lot of AA meetings, and the people, well at times....that is, but I had this "thing" about not being a "groupee"....it just takes what it takes for all of us. (Looking back at those thought now, it was my disease doing the thinking for me)

As it turned out it was not AA that changed my mind about going everyday, it was the Progression of the Disease, when I had hit a suffienent enougth bottom where only death looked appealing,and the desperation of being such a failure for so long,  I finally surrendened to a God that I truly did not understand, and asked that same God to Please show me a different way....awe, all the lights  came on, and I was then ready to do Anything and Everything to not pick up a drink.....did not talk about it much, but there was that internal knowledge of when I had turned to God and pleaded for a way out, the compulsion to drink was lifted, and has not returned for over 19 years.....that experience of the Compulsion being lifted were the  seeds that had grown into what my life is about today....FAITH...in HP, whom I choose to Call GOD.

This a pretty long winded response about my experience but I was trying to turn it  into you question of what to do when you go to a meeting.......my experience was getting in car, knowing the location, and getting there before 600, walking in, sitting down and listening. really did not talk for over 6 months.....I just let the meeting "have me as a listener"  then I did find a Sponsor, began the Stepwork, felt that Step One was there, done to prefection, they say that is the only one we must do perfectly, and I agree.

So my new friend, I Pray that you will allow that internal feeling of failure, to somehow,  into a complete understanding of that First Step, "We are Powerless over Alcohol....and our Lives have become unmanageable"...thus becoming one of the Winners here.

 Star,by your admission,  you have become of one the Winners to me!

Sent with Prayers and love to you dear.

Toni

-- Edited by Just Toni on Sunday 8th of August 2010 12:00:29 PM

We all had our first time at a meeting. Just go and you will be surprised at how things turn out.

I did and it worked for me.

Let those tears flow, sister, nothing to be ashamed of.

Also, it seems like a simple thing to say, but DON'T DRINK, not even a drop. It will get easier in a few days if you stay strong and keep going to meetings.

Welcome, and good luck. May you start a new life.

The book "Alcoholics Anonymous" was written about me before I was born.  I thought I could quit.  I had no idea how powerful alcohol really was.

Here's a passage from the above-named book, in case you're interested.  I'm posting it because alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful.  It will try to make you re-think your earlier post and decide that you were just overreacting, that you just haven't hit on the right solution yet, that you don't need help.

------------------------------

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics.  No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows.  Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people.  The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.  The persistence of this illusion is astonishing.  Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics.  This is the first step in recovery.  The delustion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.  We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking.  We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control.  All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals -- usually brief -- were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.  We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness.  Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones.  Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men.  We have tried every imaginable remedy.  In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse.  Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic.  Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class.  By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic.  If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him.  Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

Here are some of the methods we have tried:  Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums -- we could increase the list ad infinitum.

... The actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge.  This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience.

------------------------------

(You can read more at this link:  http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm)

There is a solution.  It may not be for everyone, but it's worked for me and everyone I've seen thoroughly follow this program as outlined in the above book.  Good luck!

Welcome Star,

After one meeting I realized I would never be alone again... I hope you have that same feeling

Welcome Star

I also was scared to go to AA but I went anyway and found a wonderful way of life.

Here are some tips for your first AA meeting.

---------------------------------------------------------------
How to get through your first Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting

originated by:Ljp26, Maluniu

Nobody wants to go to their first Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting. Everyone is afraid. AA welcomes everyone, and you don't need to meet any requirements. If you've ever thought of going, or have been told you must go, here's what to do.

1 Find a meeting. There are lots of sources. Call the nearest Alcoholics Anonymous Intergroup office, visit http://www.aa.org, ask a church pastor or anyone you might know in recovery. Many cities have hundreds, or even over a thousand AA meetings each week.

2 Pick a compatible meeting. If you're going because you are curious about AA, go to an "open" meeting, which is for anyone. Closed meetings are only for people who have decided they have a problem with alcohol and want to stop drinking. Some meetings are for men only or women only, are foreign language speaking or are for other special groups. The sources above can guide you to the right meeting.

3 Ask for a ride if you don't have a way to get there. The local AA office can usually arrange for someone who is going to the meeting to pick you up.

4 Get there early. Many meetings are held in churches. Watch what door people go in so you can follow them to the right room. If you aren't sure if you're at the right place, ask someone if it is the meeting for "friends of Bill W."

5 Expect to see all kinds of people there: young, old, worn-down, elegant. They may be very different than you. You might be surprised that so many people look healthy and happy. They are all there for the same reason no matter how they look on the outside.

6 Relax. You aren't required to do or believe anything. You don't have to say a word.

7 Watch how the meeting works. They usually begin with volunteers reading from AA literature, followed by a group discussion, book study or featured speaker.

8 Sometimes the leader will ask if anyone is at their first AA meeting. If you want, you can raise your hand and give your first name.

9 Listen. You will get a lot out of your first meeting by hearing others' experiences. You might not understand all the discussion, but try to find something you can relate to.

10 When they pass the basket for donations, you do not have to contribute. If you want to, the normal contribution is $1 or $2 in the U.S. Don't give more than what others are giving.

11 Take a white chip if offered. Some groups give chips to people have been sober for a length of time. They also give a white chip to anyone who doesn't want to drink just for one day. Chips are reminders to help you stay sober. They are free.

12 Ask the chairperson after the meeting for a directory that shows where and when meetings are held. You can go to as many meetings as you want. If you go to a second meeting located near the first one, you might recognize people that were at the first meeting.

Tips

Meetings start on time. Plan to get there early and stay late so people can introduce themselves.

If you get there late, it's OK. Just go in and sit down.

Tell someone you are new. They will probably introduce you to others.

Go sober and not high. Otherwise the experience won't be very useful.

During the meeting, don't ask questions or talk to anyone in the group directly, even if it seems like someone is talking directly to you. Stay after the meeting to ask questions or tell them your story.

There is a lot of laughter in AA meetings. It's also OK to cry.

If you see someone there that you know, don't worry that they will "tell on you." They are probably there for the same reason you are.

Go to a different meeting if you don't hear anything that you can relate to. Each meeting has a unique personality.

If people give you their phone numbers, they want to help if you need it. Call them before you take a drink. Say that they gave you their number at the meeting and you want to drink.

Warnings

Never drive with alcohol in your system, even if you think you need to get to an AA meeting right away. Get someone to give you a ride instead.

The group might ask you to leave and come back another day if you are disruptive or start rambling about something other than alcohol.

Once you get home don't talk about who was there or what they said. One of AA's mottos is "Who you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here."

 

-- Edited by Larry_H on Sunday 8th of August 2010 09:39:46 PM

Hi Star;
My name is Marc and I'm Alcoholic.
Welcome to the Forum.
For everything there is a First Time... And there is fear of the Unknown.
You are not alone.
The bunch of us here are right there with you. Go boldly and you will find the help you need.

Marc