Me newcomer, sponsoring someone who formerly had more sobriety time than I've ever had...

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

Me newcomer, sponsoring someone who formerly had more sobriety time than I've ever had...

Wren · Senior Member

Gosh, what a blessing FS! You must have something that he was missing his first time around, and he hears that. Being a sponsor is such a growing experience, and you have your own sponsor who will help guide you. Has to make you feel good that he is hearing something special that draws him to you! Kudos to you, and good for him for not being too proud to see he can get what he needs from somebody else that has kept stringing those days together. chris

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Having had a spiritual awakening as a results of these steps, we try to carry
this message to the alcoholic and practice these principals in all our affairs.

The only real qualification I see there is one recovering alcoholic carrying the
message to another one trying to. That's how it's always worked. Give him
your very humble best and always defer to your HP and sponsor during the
journey.

At times let him sponsor you...meaning listen deeply to his message also.

In support.... smile

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Most of it is just listening for a while until he gets his feet back on the ground. Of course some stepwork is involved there...but that usually comes in the form of you tying his messed up life and consequences of relapse back to the steps and the big book.

happycamper · MIP Old Timer

Guided by God and your own sponsor, you will do fine.
We share our esh with others in hope to help them recover.

Our Founders didnt compare sober time, or consider this a race . They were all just looking for someone to help cuz they knew it would help them stay sober.

Our own literature tells us that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.
( nothing sounds like a guarantee to me )

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

FS, that's awesome man. God will put people in our lifes when we're ready. Length of sobriety means little compared to the quality of sobriety. I see some folks in AA with 10+ years sobriety- but I don't want what they have. I see others with 9 months and they're on fire. Yes, I know.. I'm taking inventory... but I've learned that's o.k. as long as I don't hurt anyone in the process. I do this in my own head of course. I want to stick with the winners and do what they do. This diesase is serious and I need my own quality sobriety before I can help anyone else out.

Your friend had 2+ years sobriety but relapsed, so something went wrong... He probably heard or saw something in you he wants...... The good thing is where you came from and how you got to where your at is fresh in your mind. Could be what God wants for you and him. My sponsor reminds me to just work with the sponsee the way it has worked for me. My experience is all I have to offer. He also tells me sponsors don't keep people sober, we just show them how we stayed sober and recovered. God/Higher power will keep people sober if he is sought. We show them the road to God.

Dave Harm · Senior Member

That is awesome FS... I have 15 years sobriety, my sponsor just celebrated his fifth year sobriety. Like Mike said, its not the amount of time but the quality... this person sees something in you that he likes/wants... you're doing something right... well done

FlyingSquirrel · Senior Member

Hmmm well he didn't show up at the meeting Friday... I don't consider myself to be someone's sponsor till they actually show up to meet with me. I guess it would be good to at least give him a courtesy call.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

I just had a celebratory dinner with my sponsor. Both our anniversaries are in July. He has one year less than I do, but he's a big book thumper and can quote from one end to the other. I didn't attend very many big book studies (I frequented the 12&12 study groups). He has been my sponsor for 8 years now and during that time there has been many a time when the roles were reversed when he was going through so tough stuff. But like Dave said, it's the amount of time, it's the quality and wanting what they have.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 6th of August 2010 10:31:48 PM

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

FS, it is awesome that you were asked to sponsor him. And prior Time doesn't mean crapolla, especially when we are talking about the first few years. Quality of sobriety can waver or grow at any time throughout recovery.

I have a friend who was my sponsee many years ago. While she did not stay sober then, she has now accumulated about 5 years, and grown up a bit, and with me sitting here at 30 days again, I would ask her to sponsor me in a heart beat if I did not already have the wonderful sponsor I have had for 10 years or more.

I hope he comes to a meeting to meet with you! I am sure you have a ton to offer in the way of ES&H, regardless of what this man has had before as far as sober time.

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

_______
Hmmm well he didn't show up at the meeting Friday... I don't consider myself to be someone's sponsor till they actually show up to meet with me. I guess it would be good to at least give him a courtesy call.
_______

FS, From my experience, your not responsible for his actions. There will be many more sponsee's that initiate discussion about sponsorship and do nothing, then those that initiate it and then take action. Our literature shows the many of the first members Dr. Bob worked with didn't sober up or walk the walk. But, Dr Bob stayed sober. That's the key, we stay sober offering to be of assistance. Remember the odds we're working with.
Our job is to: "try to carry this message to alcoholics, and practice these principles in all of our affairs". The key word is TRY. We can't do it for them. My sponsor reminds me that we don't chase anyone to get sober. If they want what I have- they need the willingness to do what I do. Just a few thoughts......