Over time we are each treated to the full range of what the other has to dish out. We may put out our worst at times of great stress. Maybe we feel sick, face unemployment, or feel personally attacked in an argument. These events seem like a threat to our survival or our dignity and strain our ability to cope. When we feel our self-respect is under attack, we are most likely to react with an attack on our partner's dignity.

As we become more conscious in our relationship, we can tune in more quickly to our feelings. When we feel our dignity or survival is threatened, do we say or do hurtful and vicious things to our partner? Perhaps when something feels out of control we can stop to notice if we feel our dignity or survival is at stake. Then we can choose not to react with our first impulse but to say how we feel. When we do that, we achieve a higher level of personal dignity.

Name the stress that brings you
to your lowest level of maturity.